The footage, released by TMZ, shows snippets of what was said to be a four hour-long legal discussion with the 20-year-old regarding the attack of paparazzi last year by Bieberās bodyguards.
Much to the disgust of his Beliebers, Justinās behaviour in the videos has given the real world yet another reason to strongly dislike (we donāt like to use the word hate) him, as he was āarrogant, rude, and downright disrespectfulā of the lawyer questioning him.
It really did seem as though he had no respect for the law or situation he was in, certainly placing him at the bottom of every parentsā role model list.
Sure, it is possible that parts of the video were omitted because they may have shown Bieber complying with the wishes of the lawyers present. But we highly doubt that.
And, on top of it all, it appears the Beibās has a slight anger issue pushing through when asked about his ex-girlfriend, Selena Gomez, to the point where he needs to take a break. Whatās that all about?
Oh, and how could we forget? We hate to break it to you, kids, but he doesnāt even seem to recall ever visiting Australia, which seems pretty odd considering how recent his latest Australian tour was. But hey, if you want to believe he loved you from the moment he met you those short months ago, we Beliebe youā¦
Itās a shame, really, how he could go from that sweet āBabyā boy to such an annoying little shit so quickly.
You can watch the video here.Ā
And there's another here.Ā
And here.Ā
And here.Ā
I feel like I needed to say that and just get it out of the way for all of you.
Camp Takota is a big deal for quite a few reasons:
Weāve been waiting forever for it.
YouTubeās Holy Trinity, Grace, Hannah and Mamrie are amazing
Most importantly, this film has the potential to change the game for Youtubers (or, at least, the oneās as intrinsically funny, talented and likeable as these three) wanting to make the shift into mainstream media. This film is the first of its kind and could VERY well lay the groundwork for future investment in Youtubers/ Internet personalities. Does that mean Gregory Gorgeous is going to get his own show on E!? No. But, at least for these three, itās important.
Directed by The Brothers Reidell, the film tells the story of Elise (Grace Helbig), who is on the verge of having it all. Sheās engaged to hunky Jeff (Chester See) and is making progress towards having her book published until everything falls apart and she gets drunk and calls Sally, the director of her old summer camp, in order to volunteer as a Counsellor for the summer. Upon arrival at Camp Takota, she finds her former best friends Maxine (Mamrie Hart) and Allison (Hannah Hart) have never left. As camp commences the three of them try and save the camp from a corporate takeover at the hands of Super-queen Jared (John Milhiser, whoās now on SNL) and whilst also embarking on an inadvertent journey of self-discovery. In short, Camp Takota is a well and truly a camp film about three women coming to terms with who they are whilst preserving the place that got them there.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Grace, Marie and Hannah all give fantastic performances throughout the film and itās all shot and edited beautifully. The film looks great, it sounds great and, most of all, it feels great, which is undoubtedly due to the chemistry between Helbig and the Hartās. Their friendship permeates every moment in Camp Takota and the film is all the better for it. Itās also refreshing to have a film that is so ardently pleasant, with characters who are, simply, nice people. In a post Lena Dunham and Walter White world, itās nice to have characters that arenāt so frustrating that you end up wanting to beat yourself and them with a shovel. These are the type of people that you love and are, at their core, good. Surprisingly (despite the films overall warmth of tone) what shines brightest throughout Camp Takota is the dramatic skills of each of the actresses, and the ease with which both the film and the Trinity handle some of the heavier material. In fact, my favourite moment of the film was an argument between Elise, Maxine and Allison that was brutally honest, and- dare I say it- very adult for people with so much enthusiasm for dick jokes.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā However, Camp Takota isnāt perfect. Well, it is. Because they made it and they pulled it off and itās amazing. But itās not a perfect movie. The biggest issue throughout the entire movie is the high-sheen gloss that it has been painted with. While it looks great, the film lacks any real gut-punch either comedically or dramatically. Itās not laugh-out-loud funny enough, or heart wrenchingly emotional enough... so it kind of meanders between the two at points. There are hints of said gut-punch: The aforementioned argument scene and Mamrieās closing monologue at the campfire are real winners and had this writerās icy heart melting. Maxineās scenes with Jared had me in absolute hysterics. But the stakes arenāt high enough overall. Eliseās life shatters before her eyes and she decided to down a bottle of Vodka, but- after a whole bottle- she only really dances around the apartment like a bit of weirdo. By all accounts she should be pissing on things and breaking things and screaming to Alanis Morisette. The potential closure of the camp sees Maxine fighting for her livelihood and everything she loves, but the rally to get the camp back on track is merely a montage of Takota-girls hanging banners and painting signs. On YouTube, what sets these women apart is how they bolt toward the inappropriate, the uncomfortable and the awkward. They donāt just cross the lines of good taste, they shart on them. Camp Takota gets halfway there. Some jokes are absolutely hilarious, some moments are really affecting but there isnāt enough of either to make this movie 100% of what each of the Trinityās web-series is: instantly memorable. This isnāt to say I didnāt LOVE Camp Takota. I did. Itās fantastic. It is memorable, and it is important, but I feel as though it couldāve been turned up a few notches.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Despite its faults, what makes Camp Takota work is its warmth and undeniable spirit. This is a movie with a heart (or āHartā BOOM) that beats and there is a passion and strength of emotion here that is as infectious as it is genuinely unexpected. This is all thanks to the writing, performances and personalities of Helbig, Hart and Hart. It is their energy, chemistry, adorableness and talent that make this film worth watching, both as a means of entertainment and as marker for how these three amazing women will grow and develop future projects within traditional (or more mainstream) forms of media. Ā Sure, it couldāve pushed things a little further (methinks that future work will delve into murkier territory should it receive financial support- AND IT FUCKING SHOULD) but the rose tinted glasses that colour every (stunning) shot of this film are well worth wearing. Itās almost like reminiscing about an old friend... or perhaps seeing one that you havenāt seen in a while.
Support the Trinity.Ā Because arenāt they just the best friends that weāve all never met?
With the mercury set to top 46Ā°C, we're in for a scorcher of a day.Ā
And it's expected that it may become our hottest day since records begin, with the highest temperature on record being 46.1Ā°C during the heatwave of 1939. That means, Adelaidians, at the end of today you will have potentially lived through our hottest day ever - feel accomplished.Ā
So, keep sun-smart today: slip, slop, slap, and skull those bottles of water! (Or cider...whatever works for you!)Ā
Itās hard to think positively about a year where you can no longer count how many times youāve been sneezed on. But alas, here I sit with a box of tissues and a very full bottle of had sanitiser next to me, ready to Flash you all one last time.
(I know what that sounds like. I did that on purpose.)
When writing this piece, I wanted to do more than just list the things I liked this year. Because I liked a lot and nobody cares what I think (illustrated by the popularity of this here blog). Looking back over the past year, there is one constant in amongst all of the things that I have (poorly) written about almost all of the pieces: women.
Ā Yes, ladies! 2013 has been a huge year for you, especially in the media! Robin Thicke objectified you, Miley Cyrus seemed to have both empowered and destroyed you (depending on your disposition/ care factor), Pussy Riot is getting released from jail, Lena Dunham is changing the game (sort of) and the best sitcoms on television (New Girl and The Mindy Project) are about women and have been created by women.Ā Haim had one of the biggest albums of the year and, undoubtedly, the most solid and self-assured debut album of the year. Also Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted the Golden Globes (and will host them again- DYING), which was (and is) the best thing ever.
Ā 2013 has represented a marked shift in the representation of women in the media, or at least the publicās consumption and understanding of women in the media, and itās been interesting to watch. Male or female, as consumers and creators of media weāre all participants in this debate and itās an important one. Itās important because sexualisation has evolved into infinitely more sinister. Weāre talking about rape now, about misogyny. And not in a way where weāre all in on the jokeā¦ In a way thatās just not okay.
Ā So I had to pick a moment that summarised all of that stuff and all of those ideas. That encompassed the GOOD to come out of this debate and actually made me smile, because happiness isnāt completely overrated.Ā So the best moment of 2013 is Lily Allenās amazing song āHard Out Hereā.
Ā Now, itās not the best song of the year and the video is problematic due to that whole racial appropriation debate which I understand but Iām not getting into because itās bad enough being a man writing about feminismā¦ I canāt simultaneously be a white person talking about racism. Iām not that much of a dick. But what it does do is have fun with something that is inherently not very fun. Itās a fuck you to an industry that has been fucking women over for a very long time. Itās a middle finger straight to the prostate and not in a nice way. Itās a positive statement by an artist (who, I think, speaks for a lot of other artists) who doesnāt want to deal with severe objectification anymore.
As an added bonus, the song is incredibly catchy and hilarious. Itās direct, intelligent, witty and fun. Itās vintage Lily Allen and really good writing.Ā Also, it tosses some serious shade toward Robin Thicke. Who deserves it for being an asshole and ruining Beetlejuice for everyone. In a year where women have (again) proved that they are, indeed, funny (because apparently they needed to), and more women are standing up for that they believe in, this song is perfectly placed as an anthem of sorts.
What a ridiculously fast rollercoaster of a year this has been! Who knew so much could happen in 365 days?
Iām sure many of you are eager beavers awaiting 2014 so you can start afresh and ābe a better meā, while others are devastated to leave 2013 behind. Personally, I cannot wait for what the New Year will bring, but I also canāt help but reflect on the past year with confusion as every event mashes up into one bittersweet blur.
So, this is why I have chosen to postpone my pre-New Years Eve nanna nap to write this post as a recap of some of the exciting and not-so-exciting happenings we reported on in 2013.
First things first, Amanda Bynes went crazy ā literally. Last I heard she was recently released after being held in a psychiatric ward for some time. But that is what you get when you soak your dog in gasoline and call everyone āuglyāā¦and by everyone, I mean everyone.
On a more serious note, we have spent the last nine months with Pope Francis after the history-making resignation of Pope Benedict.
AND who could forget the birth of a beautiful baby boy for Prince William and Kate. We welcomed Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge into the world on July 22nd. You may be interested to know the Physician who led the delivery team has recently been presented with Knighthood, too. Big year for the Royal Family!
I have no doubt the list goes on but youāll lose interest in the Kardashian Khaos if I continue.
Of course, I canāt leave out the possibility of another World War breaking outā¦twice. North Korea eventually ended their threats of a nuclear attack after many Kim Jong-Un memes popped up over the Internet.
And it was only recently the US dropped threats of attack as it was discovered Syria committed war crimes in using Sarin Gas on their civilians and were found with nuclear weapons. The UN intervened and the nuclear weapons are in the process of being destroyed.
Then there was the time Australia elected an idiot to run their country. What good has Tony Abbott done so far, hey? That is, besides present Australia's young men with his gorgeous daughters to stare at all day.Ā
And finally, Adelaide ā our tiny city ā was presented with the prestigious position of being 9th on the list of places Lonely Planet suggests to visit in the world. A pretty big honour for us all, even though itās not first. But hey, letās take what we can get!
So there you have it: a list of our biggest stories of 2013 (no offense to the other dozens of stories that didnāt quite make this list). Obviously the could have gone on forever, but for now, Iāll pass it on to Anthony for a rundown of his favourite moments of the year!
And keep an eye out over the next few days on what to expect in 2014!Ā
Slasher/Terror movies walk a very fine and troubling line. On one side of the line is brilliance (The Strangers) on the other side of the line of unforgivable shitty-ness and stupidity (The Strangers). The Purge is no exception. Nonetheless, terror movies- while not necessarily being groundbreaking- are fun because they grab you by the throat and drag through a gamut of intense emotions. Itās nice to be engrossed in something so completelyā¦ even if itās not entirely pleasant.
Unfortunately, The Purge doesnāt grab you by the throat. It doesnāt even fondle you inappropriately. It kind of just looks at you from across the room, and itās really good looking, until you realise that its shirt is tucked into its underpants and itās wearing two different coloured shoes and youāve already started walking up to it, and you canāt back down now but GOD you wish that you could leave because youāve been spurned before (cough Paranormal Activity cough) and you donāt have time for this shit in your life anymore because you are a GROWN ASS MAN NOW.
I guess what Iām saying is, The Purge doesnāt work.
THE PLOT: Set in suburban America in 2022, the Government- in an effort to lower crime rates and unemployment- suspend all emergency services for a 12-hour period known as (you guessed it) āThe Purgeā. In these 12 hours crimes like murder, theft and rape are legal as is the use of all firearms available to civilians.
The Sandinās are an upper-middle class family who go into lock down during The Purge, using one of the state-of-the-art security systems that father James Sandin (Ethan Hawke) sells. He lives with his wife, Mary (Lena Headey), daughter, Zoey (Adelaide Kane) and his intolerable weirdo son Charlie (Max Burkholder).
After lockdown, a non-descript black man runs up to the house screaming and Charlie lets him in. The pissy-mask-wearing-white-people chasing the black man (itās important that heās black... or at least the filmmakers think it is) then threaten the Sandinās to give up the black man so they can kill him, or risk incurring the full wrath of the pissy white people.
Shit gets cray.
THE PROBLEM:
The idea of a purge is a great one and bears all the hallmarks of a classic (even legendary) slasher set up. A family locked in a house on a night where all murder is legal? The entire nation is against them and perhaps they are against each other? Creepy masks? Electrical faults? A fun hashtag (#survivethenight)? Clever online marketing campaigns? An insanely gif-able set up? This is modern slasher perfection! Also, the film looks great and the performances are, for the most part, decent. The villains are creepy... It has all the ingredients of a fun, brilliant (at least for a party), slasher.
But The Purge ultimately fails because it attempts provide a social allegory where it doesnāt need to. Not because there isnāt sufficient opportunity to provide social commentary, but because the filmmakers had no idea about what they wanted to say.
Is it a comment on violence in film? No, because the violence isnāt pushed to the forefront of the film to make this idea plausible. Ā Is it a comment on race? Well, no because black people try to kill white people, white people try to kill white people and thereās even a singular Asian person holding a knife (#tolerance). Ā So itās not that. Is it a comment on economic class? Well, no because everyone loses. Is it a comment on gun control? Maybe. But guns end up saving everyone so if it is, itās a bad one.
On top of all this confusion, you have characters that are just flat-out irritating. In a slasher movie, you kind of need to feel sympathy for the victim. They have to make you want them survive. If you donāt care about them, then thereās literally no point in watching. Because when shit people die in a movie, you just carry on eating your popcorn. Ā I hated the Sandinās, especially Charlie, who- despite having the only steadfast moral compass for the entirety of the film- is so unnecessarily weird and kooky that it makes you want to shoot him yourselfā¦ and I donāt think thatās what was intended.
All of these conflicting and poorly executed ideas make The Purge frustrating viewing.
Whatever The Purge is saying gets lost because itās trying too hard. The filmmakers shouldn't have gone for depth, meaning, a moral or a literary social insight here. They couldāve said a lot more about America, about the viewer and about the human need for catharsis had they just made a balls-out horror movie. Thematic and ideological overkill where they just shouldāve focused on the ākillā perhaps?
To Conclude: The Purge verges on awful, whilst conceptually verging on brilliance. The Purge is the cinematic equivalent of that student who uses big words for the sake of it. You can tell that they understand the material and are, probably, quite smart but just keep fucking themselves over by trying to seem smarter than they are. Itās frustrating to watch someone squander their potential, which is why itās so difficult to sit through The Purge.
Ā Intelligence only works when you have the knowledge to back it up. let's hope the sequel gets it right.
PSA: HIGH CHOLESTEROL FOODS WILL STILL CAUSE HEART DISEASE
If any of you caught the ABC documentary 'THE HEART OF THE MATTER: DIETARY VILLAINS' you may have been overwhelmed by the title, and you may have also picked up some new advice. That advice beingĀ high cholesterol does NOT cause heart disease and most people are wasting their time taking cholesterol-reducing drugs called statins.Ā
Thankfully Media Watch was on the case and became the beckon of truth that we deserve.
The Catalyst documentary made claims such as:
'I think it's a huge misconception that saturated fat and cholesterol are the demons in the diet, and it is 100% wrong' - Dr Johnny Bowden
'Saturated fat has been vilified for years because of the cholesterol theory' -Ā Dr Stephen Sinatra
'A multibillion dollar food industry has fuelled our phobia of fat and cholesterol and dramatically influenced our diet' -Ā Dr Maryanne DemasiĀ
Now I'm not a doctor, and for all I know these good people could be telling the truth. However after the second episode went to air, the ABC's Health expert Dr Norman Swan was outraged stating that catalyst's program would kill people as it suggested those with high cholesterol to stop taking their medication.Ā
A healthy debate between doctor's is normally for the best. However apparently you can get PhD's from just about anywhere these days.Ā
Doctor Johnny Bowden, has a PhD but it's not from a recognised university.Ā Itās a Claytonās PhD obtained by correspondence from the Clayton College of Natural Health in Alabama, which offered degrees in naturopathy, holistic nutrition, herbal studies and iridology ... before it went out of business in 2010.Ā
So sadly just to make things clear: butter is bad for your heart even though it tastes like happiness.
Flash Reviews are Ā easy to read reviews of big moments in pop culture. We break down the issue so you donāt have to. They are written āin a flashā for you reading (dis)pleasure.
I love people having differing opinions, I do. I really do. But what I donāt like is when people are close-minded about things. When peopleās prejudices blur the lines (hey Robin Thicke, thanks for ruining that saying for me you stupid fucking prick) between understanding and appreciating something and being a fool. Sure, hate something. Disagree with it. Call it shit because it is and you hate it. But you need to have a reason for doing so. Thatās what intelligence is. Intelligence, apparently, is something that the folks at The Examiner clearly lack.
In a Flash (aka a summary of the review below): ARTPOP is not one of the biggest disasters in pop music history (Iām not quoting them directly because theyāre being ridiculous.) Itās a decent album thatās quite a lot of fun. Itās not revolutionaryā¦ and if we all took Gaga a little less seriously, we could enjoy the album a lot more.
The Artist:
Lady Gaga has always been a polarising artist, no one thinks sheās ājust okayā, you either love Gaga or despise Gaga. Unlike a lot of artists, she is her music, it is impossible to review any one of her albums (or outfits) without it becoming a full blown critique of her as a person, or whatever post-modern construction of a person she has painted herself to be. Artpop will do nothing to change that.
The problem with Gaga is that she gets a little too caught up in her own artifice and takes herself a little too seriously. The meat dress, the thinly veiled pro-gay message of BTW, it has a way of making her seem like she thinks sheās smarter than she is. In other words, it makes it easy to write her off as a failed art-school hipster dumbass. This isnāt helped by her ridiculous fans calling her mum every two seconds.
Ā But, throughout all of the overblown artifice, the music has been good enough (or, at least, catchy and fun enough) to make it okay. I donāt have to like āBorn this Wayā, but I can slam-dance to it after a lot of wine. Because self-assurance is best enjoyed in the form of pop music from a stranger.
Ā The Message:
Let me explain what I think sheās trying to do here. I hate that I have to this and I shouldnāt but blame those dicks at The Examiner.
Like all of Gagaās work, Artpop has a clear and defining theme. One that is very simple and easy to follow, but is complicated by her complex (often unnecessary but aesthetically wowing) presentation of herself through fashion, music videos and performances.
Artpop is a statement by Gaga that all pop music (or, at least, HER pop music) is art of the highest order. She is placing herself next to Pop Artists like Andy Warhol, Jeff Koons (who sculpted her and designed the cover) and Jasper Johns by taking elements of Pop Music culture and re-appropriating them as high art. Whilst performing the song āVenusā(a modern take on a quintessential eighties pop anthem) on the X-Factor, she performed in front of Botticelliās āBirth of Venusā, one of the worlds most famous and recognisable works of art. See what sheās saying? Sheās Venus. Sheās painting herself as a true artist and pop music is high art like that of Botticelli. Simple, isnāt it?
This flows through Artpop, with Gaga refrencing important moments in pop music and copying them into her own. āVenusā references the eighties (think Madonna and Bowie), āManicureā references the guitar addled rock-pop of the nineties,Ā āDo What U Wantā brims with the pop R&B funk of the early 2000ās and āSwineā references the trappy-dubstep beats of today. She even references her OWN mark on pop history through āApplauseā. All of this is presented in this heavily computerised, auto-tuned way, which is a staple of modern pop musicā¦ itās why pop is seen as ānot real musicā. Gaga is trying to say that it is real music and that itās valid art with this album.
In The Examiner article (Iām just not calling it a review anymore, DEAL W/IT), Gaga was berated for sounding like Christina Aguilera, Bowie and Madonna. But Pop Art takes images and ideas from popular culture in order to create new ideas. Andy Warhol didnāt invent the Campbellās Soup can. Gaga didnāt invent these sounds, but sheās creating new ideas with them.
Now, this is all very lofty and pseudo-intellectual (weāre on Tumblr after all). But this is what Gaga was trying to do with this album, I think. I donāt know whether she completely pulled it off (some of the music is merely okay). She probably didnāt. But you have to make an attempt to understand something before you shit on it completely.
This is my attempt at understanding. I could see how you could hate this. I kind of hate it too because I'd rather just listen to music without being lectured. But the music is also pretty good, so I'll let it slide because Gaga does it with so much style, and panache that she can get away with it.
Ā The Music:
Now Iām going to shit on it completely.
(Iām not.)
The music is good pop music to jump around to after youāve been drinking or dance to in your room late at night in your underpants (aka me).Ā I put this album in my car. I bopped along, I screamed to āManicureā, āVenusā and āDo What U Wantā (theyāre awesome, okay). I had fun listening to it.
Ā Did it change my perceptions of pop music? No.
Will it change the landscape of music forever? No.
Will it make me sing at the stoplights with my windows down, thus embarrassing me in front of potentially hundreds of strangers? Definitely.
Ā Sure Gaga has done herself a disservice by taking herself to seriously, but we don't have to. Let's not hold Gaga to this high standard of being an arbiter of taste and just listen to Applause and clap like seals on acid.Ā
Listen to this album, make up your own mind and enjoy yourself. Thatās the point, isnāt it?
Ā To The Examiner, I say that I see your opinion and raise you a thoughtful opinion.
Being a sex symbol is hard, especially being a male sex symbol.It's sensitive at the top you know? Too much friction and you could just EXPLODE from the build up of pressure.
Michael Fassbender is a great actor, but he also has a big penis. In Shame (which is actually an excellent movie), Fassbender goes full frontal and shows his man-piece in all of it's swinging glory.Ā His penis has caused such a stir (pun intended, from here on in assume all puns are intended), that it has overshadowed the movie itself and his performance, which he was nominated for a Golden Globe for.
Here's a gif:
But Fassbender isn't too pleased with all of the attention he's getting. In fact, he has come out spurting against penis-lovers around the world, saying that he's sick of- AS A MAN- being objectified, stating that women would never deal with such treatment:
āIt wouldnāt be acceptable it would be seen as sexual harassment, people saying [to an actress], āYour vagina ā¦ā You know?ā
No, that's never happened Michael.
No woman has ever been singled out or objectified because of her body. Just ask the worlds leading expert on feminism and not-rape, Robin Thicke.
I mean, men have been dealing with objectification for years.Ā I applaud Fassbender. I stand tall, and erect, as a throbbing member of male-society, proud that someone is finally speaking up for men and male-rights. We're such a minority, you know? This vag-centric society of ours is destructive and men everywhere are suffering. Just last week Channing Tatum broke down because he was getting, quote, 'Too much pussy'.
I mean, just because a man puts his penis on screen does not give you permission to objectify him. It's not like he's asking for objectification, who would? Women will just never understand what Fassbender, as a white heterosexual male, has to go through on a daily basis. It's not as if women are threatened in sexually-aggressive ways everyday or anything?
No.
Not at all.
Unfortunately for Fassbender, all of the attention shows no signs of slowing with hypnotherapists everywhere using it to hypnotise patients, with many touting the gifs as a 'godsend'. The CEO of 'Hypnotists United' has released this statement:
"Having to swing a watch around is difficult, you know? It really hurts your wrist. Being a hypnotist is more than just candles. It's a job for your hands,too. It's all in the wrist action. It's a handjob!Ā Some patients take hours to reach completion, as well! These gifs have really given my wrist a rest, as well as those of many other hypnotherapists around the world."
Let's look at the gif of his penis again:
Examine it closely now. Look at the way it swings from left to right. It is rather hypnotic. Like a bell in a cocktower. Did I say cocktower? I mean clocktower. How silly of me.
But let's throw Fassbender a bone, I mean... he's just a working stiff like us. It must be hard dealing with all of this acclaim and adoration and praise. For both his acting and his penis. .It's a challenge that male actors need to face every day and I'm glad that Fassbender is standing up and fighting the fight for oppressed, hung, heterosexual white-men everywhere.
.
The objectification of men is something that we need to ferociously rub out until equality is achieved. Creamy, sticky equality.
I, personally, am so touched by this issue that I need a tissue or two. Definitely for my eyes.
For more on this issue, check out this brilliant article.
-- Flash Anthony
Anthony is coming into exams hard this semester and posting will continue being irregular. But once it's over, he'll be back with heaps of posts. Big love to all readers and followers.
Note that, if you didn't get it, this piece is satirical. I know Tumblr people will go crazy if they don't get it right off the bat (seriously so many puns it's RIDICULOUS).
GLOBAL CRISIS WARNING: STOCK UP ON YOUR WINE SUPPLIES
The report came after it was shown the global demand for wine has increased sufficiently over the past few years - heavily increasing in China, much like chocolate, too - but the production has slowed.Ā
Due to vineyards decreasing in size and bad weather, it looks like production will only to continue to slow down.Ā
This does mean that exporters such as us here in Australia will be able to charge even more for wine overseas, but at the same time, we'll have to pay more.Ā
God, I don't even want to think about it.Ā
So, pour yourself another glass, and you savour that delicious nectar of life...slowly though, because you never know how many glasses you have left!
PS. If you missed the GLOBAL CRISIS WARNING on chocolate shortages, you can read that here. Ā
Today Lonely Planet released its convented top 10 cities to visit in 2014. That isn't the shock, it's something they do annually, duh. The shock is that our little old town of Adelaide, came in at 9th spot. Now before you say 'well I bet Sydney and Melbourne were on the list', the weren't. SO SUCK IT EAST SIDERS. Naturally the media and population of Adelaide are celebrating as if we came in first. As we should, good for us! We're not extreme hipsters, or uptight Sydneysiders. We're not cashed up bogans, or... cashed up bogans. We're the city next door! However like all cities next door we've got some issues. Just tiny issues that Lonely Planet has thankfully overlooked. But I thought I'd bring them to attention anyway.
1) WE ARE CONSTANTLY UNDER CONSTRUCTION
You know how your neighbour has that patio out the back that he's been working on every summer since 05' but never seems to finish. That's Adelaide's CBD. What used to be a city of churches is now a city of construction and cranes. Not that it's a bad thing constant improvement is what makes a city grow. But like our ageing population its just taking us longer than usual to complete.
2) WE DON'T BREED VERY WELL
Back in 2009 your neighbours took in two Asian exchange students. Full of hope and determination these kids were going to breed like rabbits. Well that's not right, I just had to somehow stick with the analogy. The two Asian kids are Adelaide's Giant Panda's Wang Wang and Funi and when they came to town boy was it a big deal. Soft toys, book deals, these Panda's could do no wrong! That was until the zookeepers started to try and breed the couple and neither was having a bar of it. We have them until 2019 and if Wang Wang doesn't stick his wang wang up Funi and get her pregnant by then, well let's just say we won't be taking anymore exchange students for a while.
3) YEAH WE'RE NOT JOKING ABOUT THOSE SERIAL KILLER STATISTICS
Ah yes the creepy uncle that sometimes pops past the next door neighbour's house, or you know the casual serial killer. In 2008, the Australian Bureau of Statistics found that South Australia holds fifteen percent of Australia's convicted murderers, despite holding only eight percent of population. Some of our serial killers, like John Bunting, even made double figures before they were caught. MyĀ pro tipĀ for avoiding serial killers: 'don't be a dumb tourist, by yourself, in the country, with no petrol left in your hire car' also find out which footy team they go for and just try and become friends.
