I want to say trigger warning? But I don't really mention anything specific so I don't know what to label it.
Hard emotional stuff ahead!
So I've been with my partner for nearly 8 years. (Since the summer of 2018.)
We... Understandably, have a lot of history. We've both lived through some really bad relationships in the past, and we're both struggling through some pretty serious CPTSD from them. On top of that, my partner and I are both plural, my partner has BPD, we both have depression, and a lot of other mental health struggles.
I only say all this because... I... I've misrepresented my partner on my blog. By only posting about the things we're struggling with right now—instead of all the work, love, dedication, change, growth, and empathy that it took to get here—it's painted them it a really bad light.
It's painted our relationship in a bad light.
And that's not fair. That's not kind, loving, or respectful to them. We've been working together to be better. For ourselves. For each other. For us.
And I wanted to remind everyone that what you see on here is only a tiny sliver of the much larger picture that is our relationship as two systems who have been married for 6 and a half years.
So I'm gonna shift the perspective a bit. I don't want to focus on the negative anymore. I want to celebrate the life I chose with the partner I married.
We, as a civilization, are tasked with creating justice in a world where nothing is ever forgotten and the worst things you did will be preserved and fresh for the rest of your life. A world where you can, and will, be put on trial at any given time based on whether someone complains loudly enough about you.
In the past, justice systems handled this by setting thresholds for what they were willing to deal with. In 2024, our primary focus seems to be less on justice and healing than it is on cleanliness and the image of cleanliness. Everyone in this world gets to go through your history looking for proof that you’re unclean to suit their ideals of you. There is nothing you can do about it if the first two questions hold true in your mind.
If I may make a proposal: digital justice means accepting that cleanliness will never exist in us. That for the sake of ourselves and our kids, we have to teach ourselves and our kids to accept deep faults in people forever working towards a bettered version of themselves.
A digital justice means putting the harm on trial and fixing it, including in the people who are responsible for what happened.
We need to have standards, and our standards cannot be as vicious and morally pure as the ones we were handed. Our standards have to include harm reduction, but the belief that anything can be built from and moved past to create a better future.
If you've never read Evey Winters' work, I recommend it highly. She brings such honesty and vulnerability to her work and is truly striving to help people understand each other and themselves.
