“In my head, you are not welcome,” Flint says, low and harsh, watching as Silver struggles to keep that damnable mask in check. He thinks there’s a brief flash of hurt in Silver’s eyes, before the walls come slamming down, replaced with a familiar irritation at Flint’s recklessness.
Annoyance, it would seem, is an emotion Silver has no issue with Flint seeing from him.
Flint knows that Silver has relied on these fronts he puts up to survive; he’s done the same thing, built his own emotional barriers between himself and the world around him. Which is why, when Silver tries to insinuate himself into Flint’s head, tries to break down that crumbling wall keeping the worst of his grief at bay, Flint feels nothing but anger.
Silver, of all people, should understand how important it is to hide away the most painful parts of himself. For him to imply that Flint is avoiding his issues is hypocritical and idiotic. Flint has seen the expression that crosses Silver’s face when he looks down at where his leg used to be; he’s not the only one who’s keeping himself grounded in his pain, who cannot stand what he’s become.
He walks away, going to his desk to plot out their course back to Nassau. He hears the familiar thud of Silver’s peg as the man begins to leave, but then Silver says something, quiet enough that he might not have intended for Flint to hear it at all, that Flint could simply leave it unacknowledged if he wanted.
But hear it Flint did, and so he turns back. “Wait.”
Silver stops in his tracks, back to Flint. The line of his shoulders is almost uncomfortably tense.
“What was that?”
Silver turns to face him, shifting uncomfortably. “I think you heard me,” he says, uneasy.
Flint did, it’s true, but he wants - needs to see the Silver’s face as he says it. There’s so much that can be misread, when one can only hear what’s been said. And Silver, no matter how hard he tries, has always carried his heart in his eyes.
He waits patiently, for once, until Silver finally sighs and gives in, repeating himself. “I said, I wish I could hate you.”
There it is. Silver, now that he’s had to say admit how he feels, had to be even slightly vulnerable, looks horribly nervous. He’s not even looking Flint in the eye, instead staring at some point over his shoulder.
“I’m surprised to hear that you don’t,” Flint admits, still studying Silver’s expression carefully. Surely there’s some angle Silver’s playing, some scheme evolving behind those blue eyes that Flint just can’t see yet.
Silver does look at him then, glaring. “By all rights, I should. You’re fucking impossible.”
Flint takes a step closer, if only to see how Silver will react. Surprisingly, he doesn’t move back, though it seems like he might want to. But Silver holds his ground, his breath coming more quickly as his eyes rove over Flint’s carefully neutral face.
“But?”
Silver’s eyes flick down to Flint’s lips, and he licks his own nervously once, twice, and - oh.
Oh.
Well, that’s - that’s -
Not something Flint’s equipped to deal with right now, that’s for damn sure.
He should turn away, stop playing this game with Silver, reassert the boundaries between them, but instead he finds himself stepping even closer, until their chests are brushing.
“But, Silver?”
Silver, who had been staring at the open vee of Flint’s shirt, at the chest hair just barely visible in the gap, looks back up at Flint’s face. His eyes, though black with want, are wide and terrified.
“I don’t,” he says simply, like saying anything more would be too much to bear, to much to give voice to.
That should be enough. Flint should leave it there. He should turn back, he should send Silver out. They’re neither of them any good for the other, both too volatile and reckless and raw.
He reaches up, tangling his fingers in Silver’s damnably soft hair, and presses their mouths together.
It’s a mistake, and Flint knows it, but as Silver gasps and trembles against him, he can’t find it within himself to care.
character: hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS
ship with: ooooh Anne Anne Anne. And Eleanor, but you know. before The Thing
friendship them with: Jack!! Idelle too. and I WISH she’d met Miranda and Madi. Oh and Silver, i love the HCs and modern AUs where they’re siblings, either biologically via father or adopted!
general opinions: god she’s so. SHE’S SO. ok I love her whole arc - the whole no one will save me I need to look out for myself and ONLY myself -> SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE IMPORTANT. I love how ambitious she is, sometimes at cost of others. I love (HATE) how she’s had to learn to keep her cool and Be Profesh(tm) around dickwads (best example that business guy who’s surprised she’s a literate slave except he uses a worse word?). I love her STYLE. just everything. and she’s so rounded and JPK plays her incredibly well I die!!
JAMES FLINT MCGRAW HAMILTON
character: hate them | don’t really care | like them | LOVE them | THEY ARE MY PRECIOUS
ship with: THOMAS. to an extent Miranda but it’s complicated which is basically the undertitle of this show lbr. and uh..... silverdont@me. also in FlintGates hell partly thanks to @flintrage
friendship them with: oh lord... Miranda, Eleanor, GATES, Madi.
general opinions: what can I say?? he is full of Righteous Gay Rage and I love him for it, he chugs Respect Women Juice and he’s weirdly open to change his ways if it benefits his views if that makes sense? that makes it sounds way more self-serving than i meant - like with the Maroons and the war on England. When he realises he can’t have a proper revolution without the slaves. he’s so good and angry and he deserves a rest!!!
two! english and spanish. im trying to teach myself german but that’s going…..badly
berry trifle: first & last concert you went to?
i always tell people the first concert i went to was the jonas brothers but it was actually sheryl crow with my parents. the last concert i went to was………….oh my god it’s been so long since i’ve been to a concert……i wanna say jason derulo like 4 years ago, it was really fun
