My contribution for the prompt game with @tonystarkstoga. Short and a day later than usual but hey, it’s here now. Be warned, for ridiculousness awaits you!
“I choose vodka,” Tony says, his voice deep and serious, leaving no room for doubts or arguments.
“What?”
At least there shouldn’t be room for them. Apparently New York’s newest, crazy, son of a bitch hasn’t gotten the message though. Too bad. Tony almost likes the guy. Or would, if it hadn’t been for the villains’ latest demands.
Tony sighs in exasperation. “I choose vodka,” he repeats, slower this time. He makes sure to convey just how stupid he believes--knows--them to be with his tone, just to piss them off.
He is loveable like that.
“How can you-” Floaty the Conqueror, or whatever his ridiculous bad boy nickname is, trails of in confusion.
“Well, you’ve given me the choice between my team mates’ life and the life of a little kid,” Tony comments with the air of a man who’s been handed a thousand demands just like this one in the last month. “There can hardly be a better choice for a drink then when facing a moral dilemma like this one, can there? They tend to be quite hard on the stomach, you know?” he adds reasonably. “Maybe you should read Kidnapping for Idiots, or else we’ll be having a lot of similarly embarrassing conversations in the future.”
“I suppose that- wait!” Floaty calls out in sudden realisation, “You’re just trying to distract me until you can free yourself!”
“I’m not.”
“You’re not?”
“I’m not,” Tony assures Floaty--and that name sounds too cute, now that he thinks about it, he’ll have to rename the guy or else fighting him will be difficult. “I wouldn’t waste both our times like that. I freed myself half an hour ago, while you were arguing with your bodyguard.”
Floaty pales rapidly and scrambles for his gun. “You’re bluffing!”
“I’m really not,” Tony calmly raises the gun in question. “On a completely unrelated note, you really should have read Kidnapping for Idiots first. I’ll be sure to have a copy delivered to your cell. It’s got an entire chapter dedicated to me, right under the bold DO NOT KIDNAP line. But I suppose experience is its own kind of teacher after all.”
Later: “Sixty-seven minutes? You’re losing your touch, Tones,” Rhodey shakes his head in mock disappointment.
“Nah,” Tony smirks, all smug satisfaction. “It was pretty fun, seeing Natasha dangling in the air like that, spitting mad but unable to do anything but plan murder. Poor Floaty though, I don’t think he’ll even make to the prison.”