If James had to pass any class without lifting a finger, it would be Arithmancy. No matter how hard he tries to wrap his head around it, the subject makes no bloody sense. He tried it, in his early years, just for fun when he heard others talking about it and he could not make sense of a single thing. However, he chalked this up to his young age and lack of knowledge by not previously taking the class. After all, he was not much for learning through text, he did much better through demonstration or at least after it was explained.
Once he had finally entered the course, in his fifth year, they spent the first few lessons discussing the Chain Rule and he just could not make sense of what they were being taught. Compound functions and treating inner variables as functions or functions as variables and multiplying them by a derivative or something along those lines. They may as well be written in ancient Sanskrit, backwards, and upside down because he could not make one lick of sense of any of it. He only passed by the skin of his teeth. For some reason he has decided to take it again in his seventh year, his most stressful year. Count on a Gryffindor not to back down from a challenge, whether it adds unneeded stress or not. Maybe he should look into getting his hands on some Felix Felicis.
TAGGING → James Potter, Nicaisse Bellamy, Harry Potter, Ginny Potter, Albus Potter, Lily Potter, Fred Weasley, Rian Wood, Teddy Lupin and some other randoms are mentioned
TIME FRAME → End of July/Beginning of August-Mid-End of September
LOCATION → The Potter Home, London Coffee Shop, Hogwarts
SUMMARY → Nicaisse Bellamy breaks off his relationship with ’.James Potter and he falls apart, he tries to pick the pieces back up to do what’s right for him to succeed in school and his goals but it all falls apart again when he sees Nica at the Room of Requirement party.
GENERAL NOTES → 1880 words, LM asked for it, blame it on her. James is a wreck over this kid.
James walked out the door with a huge smile on his face. His summer holiday had been going better than he could have ever hoped or wished for. Nicaisse Bellamy came crashing into his life in all the best ways at the end of the year and their decision to take it further had brought nothing but good results. The disgustingly sweet public displays of affection, time exploring the United Kingdom together, and something had to be said about all the alone time they had been spending getting to know each other on every level. James was beginning to believe he found his one, his unicorn if you will. Of course it was much too soon to say all that out loud, but it didn’t change it from being in the back of his mind.
It was unfortunate that the smile he sported walking into the little urban coffee shop was one he would not adorn again. Not for the short remainder of his summer at least. James had always been good at keeping his emotions to himself. Sure there was a burst of anger here and there, but when it all came down to it, he dealt with things in his own way. This was something new though, the “it’s not you it’s me” and “we just need to see other people.” He didn’t understand it, he didn’t know what he could have done or why he didn’t see it sooner. It came out of nowhere and he just did not know how to handle a situation without warning. Hadn’t Nica felt the same way about him? Apparently not, because he was soon leaving the coffee shop dazed and confused, a vast opposite of how he entered.
James barely acknowledged his family when he got home. Just told them enough to let them know he was fine and he’d be in his room. Kept locked away from the world and everything in it because he didn’t want to pretend to be happy, or lie, or do anything really but be alone. It took a little bit to really sink in and hit him. The first night he spent writing unsent owls and trying to think of what he could do to change it. The second day is where it really hit him. Between concerned looks from his parents and the prying questions from his caring siblings, he was forced to look in the mirror and see how awful he really looked. Like he hadn’t slept and that his heart had been ripped out of his chest and forced fed to him.
It didn’t help matters that everything in his room reminded him of Nica. Even the things that shouldn’t have, like books or pictures or parchment, still reminded him of when Nica first saw them or asked about them. He couldn’t ignore it or push it away, the hurt just crept up in his chest to his throat. James took sleeping potions to keep himself from having to feel it. Albus was good at keeping supplies at home and when he said he was just stressed about seventh year he was happy to hand them over. It was quite obvious Albus knew there was more too it but lucky for them, they didn’t like wasting time prying into each other’s personal lives.
It didn’t matter how much he slept though, it always came back, whether it was in his dreams or when he woke up. The tears, the sadness, the hurt, the feeling of loss - all in one big wave to ruin his day no matter how hard he tried to push it away. Almost every night was the same thing. Questions, concern, potion, bedroom, sleep, and then it starts sometime around midnight. He wakes up not being able to breathe, and the tears stream down his face like rain. James went outside so he could suppress the noise and get some air in his lungs. He screamed at trees and hit them until his knuckles went raw. Why, why, why? He let it all out until he couldn’t scream or cry or feel anything and he went back inside like a blank slate to fall into his bed, exhausted and with no more answers than he started with.
This was how it went until school started. He lied and said he was feeling better, and he really was trying to get over it and move on. But, the empty was still there. The smile was still faded and he just, he wasn’t the same anymore. School helped, staying busy and all that. He was able to focus on getting work done and preparing for Auror Training versus dwell on a relationship. It wasn’t even that long of a relationship, it was hard and fast and great and wonderful and then it was done. Nothing to get so worked up about. It happened to everyone, right? Except for him it wasn’t the same as everything that had come before. It was deeper, and it felt more real than some stupid secondary school fling. He had fallen for a boy, and now that boy didn’t want him anymore, and he wasn’t over it. James needed to get over it.
He needed a plan. A strategy to keep his mind off Nicaisse Bellamy and get over everything he wanted and thought they had. So that’s what he did. He dove into all work and no play. James studied hard, went to class, avoided Nica at all costs, planned for quidditch, and focused on his family. It worked, for the most part, his plan. Things were starting to get better and thoughts of their relationship got covered up and buried. He could sleep without assistance and even managed to laugh a couple times. It was better, getting better, than it was. Not the same, but somewhat normal, and better.
He wasn’t going to go to the room of requirement party. Despite the many invitations he received. The only real reason he had for attending, besides to attempt having a good time, was to keep an eye on the family and friends he knew would be there making a fool out of themselves. Too many Gryffindors in one room always had the potential for something bad happening, adding alcohol into the mix only guaranteed it. But, he did. Of course it was after helping the drunken yin to his yang back to his bed. He should’ve gone just to look after Freddie from the start but, he was safe in his room and he was right to head down to the room to check how the rest of the team (and his house/friends/littles) were fairing.
Everything was going fine, everyone seemed to be having a good time. James even pulled the stick from his arse for a bit to have a drink with Rian Wood in the corner. Sometime around midnight is when it started to turn, or at least that’s when he remembered losing himself for a minute or two. He was standing under the party lights, watching the people around the room and some unfamiliar song was telling him to forget about himself for awhile. The piano in it just seemed to play a melancholy sound check to the very moment he saw that familiar smile. He was wearing that white button up from the coffee shop, he hadn’t seen him for awhile. There was a knot forming in his stomach.
James was sure he had seen him. Nica was laughing and dancing and holding his drink to his chest like a crucifix. They locked eyes and the room started to spin. James leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes to push him out of his mind. He was there to have fun, he just needed to just ignore that Bellamy was even there. James let out a breath and opened his eyes and there he was standing in front of him.
“Hey Jamie, how are you?” He said, like nothing had ever changed between them.
All James could do was stare forward, his mouth dry and without words. He was close enough that his cologne wafted up James’ nose and overwhelmed every single one of his senses. A vision of Nica lying naked in his arms, while James rested his lips on his neck, lost somewhere between neck and hair, just breathing him in. Everything changed, all the work James had been doing to get over him went out the window, and he went right back to that solemn state he had been in several weeks prior. All the memories of their relationship, everything they did together, the entire summer came crashing back into his head like feral waves. Like the curl of their bodies together like two perfect circles entwined on the grass of a park somewhere in Ireland. He couldn’t say anything to him, just sit there hopeless, helpless, exposed and lost in the haze of the firewhiskey he had been consuming throughout the night.
“Well, see ya around then, huh?” Nica broke the silence between them after several long moments. James looked on, just kept watching him, going through every single thing he wanted to say and do in his head. He watched Nica leave with someone he didn’t recognize, but he made sure to lock eyes with him one more time before he walked out the door. James’ blood was on fire and his stomach was tied up in ropes.
“Hey James, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” James shrugged off the concerned onlooker. He didn’t even take the time to answer them or see who they even were. Instead, he crossed the room to where the firewhiskey sat on the table and, sans glass, he just started drinking. Once it was gone, he threw it to the ground, letting the glass shatter everywhere like the pieces of his heart. He was too drunk to notice everyone staring at him. James didn’t care, he just wanted to get out of that room. He wanted to run after Bellamy and beg him to take him back. Tell him he would do whatever he wanted, tell him that his world was falling apart around him because he wasn’t a part of it anymore.
James stumbled out the door, pushing away helping hands and teammates and family and everyone else who thought they could even dream of comforting him in that moment. He just needed to see him, just one more time, he just had to tell him, he had to let him know. But he never made it to the Hufflepuff common room, he couldn’t get there before breaking down in some random hallway corner he had stumbled into and fell over. When Teddy found him he was bubbling nonsensical gibberish through tears and alcohol. He helped him up and out to his hut to sleep it off.
“He’s going to break me in two, Ted.” He sniffled out while being tucked into the bed. The concerned look from his brother said it all and he shushed him. “Just get some sleep Jamesy. It’ll be okay in the morning, okay?” Ted shut off the light and headed to his own bed, still worried about the boy sobbing softly on the sofa.
(March 21 - April 19) The Ram - “I Am” (Ability to think on one’s feet)
Writing Prompt: Your muse writes a letter to their family about a decision they have come to regarding their future. This could be in present day, as a young child, or in the future.
Happy Christmas! I got my Hogwarts letter today and Auntie Cress said I should tell you even though you’re gone. And least week Auntie Cress found a baby owl hiding in the garden, she says he has a broken wing, but I think he is just afraid to fly. I have been taking care of him, and I will teach him when he isn’t so scared anymore. I named him Hermes, and he is coming to Hogwarts with me.
When I get there I am going to be the best in astronomy and be in Ravenclaw, just like you, Mum. And I’m going to fly around on a broom. Auntie says I shouldn’t play Quidditch because it is like cheating, but she doesn’t know. She also said to keep quiet about what I see so that I don’t get made fun of at school like I do in the village. But I am going to get the best marks and make the best friends and have the best time.
I am going to make you proud.
Andy folded the piece of parchment up carefully, as the folds were starting to give in their age. Of course Cress tucked that damn letter into Mum’s journal, she thought as she tucked away the declarations of a silly eleven year old back into the leather-bound notebook. “You did real fucking good, Andy. Hufflepuff, seeker, failing Divination and avoiding astronomy like a plague. Bet they are fucking beaming with pride,” though the words were harsh, Andy laughed as she said them, cross-legged on her plush bed in her dorm. “Hermes turned out okay though,” she grinned and held her hand out, knowing full well that the owl would meet it, “didn’t you, bud? Broken wing my arse, you were just a a little scaredy-butt. Now look at you.”
Ruffling the feathers along Hermes’ neck Andy couldn’t help but wonder what it might have been like if one of them had made it. Really didn’t matter which, she couldn’t remember any specifics about them anyhow. And it wasn’t like she didn’t appreciate everything that Cressida did for her, but as she got older it became more apparent just how much she didn’t want to be raising the bastard child of the man she loved and her sister. Fun stuff. For the most part Andy tried to stay out of her way, keeping up the cottage when she was home to keep the peace. “Only one more year, and we are home free, Herm. Only one more year.”
I believe...I believe in what? I go to a school for magical kids, you could say I believe in a lot.
I know this is going to sound terribly stupid, especially with all the ghosts we have hanging about the halls, but let me see if I can try and explain it.
I believe in reincarnation, simply put. And in a way I suppose that kind of relates to the whole fate thing...but that is an entry for a whole other day.
Have you ever met someone who just sort of feels like the other half of you from the start? Or the déjà vu from being in a brand new place? Thats why.
I realize that isn’t a whole lot to go by, but how else are you supposed to explain those types of situations? A person doesn’t just fall in love at eleven years old unless some part of their soul had already been loving someone.
The muggle world is full of theories behind all of it, and one of the most popular has to do with birthmarks, strangely enough. But it kind of, makes sense considering there is really no other explanation for their existence, at least not in the muggle world, I honestly haven’t checked any literature about them here in the wizarding world...See there is this study, called the Quantum Theory, and in short it claims that the consciousness doesn't die, which I accept having see the various ghosts wandering around here. There is an awful lot of science behind it all, and really it sounds like a load of mumbo jumbo when they get all technical with the astrophysics and quantom mechanics and the like.
But all of that mumbo jumbo is because someone thought to really look into reincarnation. I know, I was supposed to explain it in a way that made sense, or at least thats what the bullitan said, but how are you supposed to explain a feeling? I mean, come on.
Reincarnation. Fate. I believe in them, so shut up.
