THE MIND IS A TREACHEROUS THING. It pulls bad memories from the corner they’d been relented to with the sole intention of forcing the body into unwelcome reactions. Increased heartbeat, trembling hands, hesitating breaths – all tells that Joohwan so often fought against for they broke with the impassiveness he carried around. Chin held high, judgmental stares, that was the Nam Joohwan that the boy wanted people to know – it was the best translation of the thoughts that usually ran around his brain, the dismissal and indifference with which he regarded people. A stone, cold with sharp edges, Hwan hurt just as much with words as he did with actions of apathy and he clung to that, found comfort in the idea of coming across as this heartless bastard. Therefore, anything that pulled a stronger reaction from him was unwelcome. It left him unsettled, unsure of what to do. Prominent emotions and feelings messed with the detachment he used to navigate life and thus Joohwan avoided them as often as possible.
In this current situation, however, considering the choice he’d made, Joohwan’d be forced to deal with unwelcome reactions. The dancer wasn’t yet sure as to why he’d been obsessing so much over losing his virginity. There were no societal notions drilled into his head that made him believe he was less for never having sex – as matter of fact, it’d been his own decision, for years, to never go through with it, even if he had people who’d be willing. They were just never enough, never matching the high expectations he’d set for anyone who could touch him. Either that or the feelings he had for them were too real for him to want to taint them. A change in heart had lead him to sought someone to get it done, but a burst of those emotions he repressed had caused a breakdown like Joohwan had never experienced before.
And now Gunwoo. It’d been far too easy to get the older boy to agree to this, to get him to drop by at Joohwan’s apartment as soon as their schedules were both cleared for the night. It had been effortless to suggest such a thing, and Joohwan hadn’t, even for a moment, second guessed his decision. And yet his hands were trembling once he got the reassurance that Gunwoo was dropping by. Upon walking up to the front door to let the other in, however, Joohwan forced a saccharine sweet smile onto his face. “ You’re late, ” were his welcoming words, right before he pulled Gunwoo into a kiss.
@fmdgunwoo
