suji decided that she was going to enter this final round without too many thoughts. it’s not like her career depended on this win or anything considering that her latest album has done well on its own. while the overload of schedules had taken a toll on her physically, she’s actually a bit grateful that it fell in the middle of final preparations for our songs. the overall success of unstable mindset has stabilized her own mindset that this show won’t be a ride or die situation for her.
“hey!” she doesn’t think she would have found herself saying hello without hesitating a couple of months ago, but now that the show’s been going on for a while, and she’s taken some time to have a proper conversation with jaewon, she thinks she can confidently at least consider him a close acquaintance. “i never got to thank you personally, but your song got me my first win.” a playful curtsy is given towards his direction before she chuckles. “you nervous?” with the question, she stares at the stage that’s still in the middle of being set up. the venue seems odd without an audience in it, and she doesn’t think she can ever fully shake off the nerves that come from performing in front of a live audience.
having to write two songs in the span of a few weeks felt like a break after the limitations he’d set himself up for last month with his hospital stay and then bedrest. he was promoting his new album, but at least he could meet up with jaewon in person to work on the song they had to create together. working with jaewon was a double-edged sword. they already had experience making their styles complement each other and when they had worked together, the music seemed to get a decent enough response from the public, but there was an edge of discomfort that came with feeling too in his comfort zone, and he tried not to let the anxieties play on his mind too long as he sat across from jaewon in the studio. it was bad enough knowing there were cameras on them.
“i wasn’t able to come up with many ideas yet,” he confessed, “so i figured we could just talk it out and figure out the kind of song we want to do, unless you’ve brought anything. i have some old unused files we could look through and see if anything works there.” ash shrugged and wondered if his lack of preparedness would come off as unflattering if this was aired to the world. “i think we should do something different than anything both of our names have been on together before.”
setting: our songs finale recording, 12 december 2020
with: @joohwanfmd
truth be told, jaewon hadn’t exactly expected he’d get this far. of course, he was far from complaining, our songs had proven to be a great opportunity, he just hadn’t expected to get past the auditions, leave alone make it to the finale. the past few months, the show had formed a big source of stress in his life but after the results of the last round, dimensions seemed to have been put at ease, expressing faith in jaewon having faith in his solo music from this point forward again and with that, most of his stress had gone right out of the window, never mind the fact that he still had a finale to get through.
for what it was worth, the relative absense of stress (relative, because jaewon wasn’t jaewon without some base level of chronic anxiety) he sure was a lot more pleasant to be around and where he had before tried to steer clear from most of the other contestants now probably wasn’t a bad time to try and extend some friendliness towards them. in this case, towards hwan. “hey there.” he offered a friendly smile, even if a little awkward around the edges. “good job on the songs for this round. i listened to them as they came out. you feeling confident about today?” he asked in an attempt to strike up a conversation.
𝐋𝐎𝐂𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: a gold star studio || 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄: nov 16 || 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇: @fmdxsuji
to say joohwan’s schedule was tight was an understatement. between the rehearsals for origin’s tour and assorted origin schedules as well as his own personal schedules related ot his comeback, hwan was barely making it home lately. just two nights before he hadn’t gone home at all, choosing to sleep over at the studio in gold star’s building as he finished up the melody for the song he was hoping to show suji. the man had known that if he went home he’d end up slacking off and there was not a single free space in his schedule for him to do that. so he had chosen to sacrifice a comfortable night sleeping next to his boyfriend with their pets around in order to get work done. and hwan felt weirdly pleased about that – our songs had brought back the desire to work in music that he had long since lost due to origin’s strenuous routine.
that afternoon was the only free time he could find in his schedule. sadly, the two of them would have to get as much stuff done as possible. worst case scenario, he’d suggest the two of them record their vocals separately and he’d send them to the arranger and the producer who’d tied everything up together. the cameras were already set up and hwan was adjusting the guitar line by the time suji arrived. “oh, hello,” he bowed his head at her. “i’m in a bit of a tight schedule so i can’t be all that pleasant so just pull a chair and i can show you what i have so far.”
After seeing the live performances, if you could vote, which duet would you vote for and which solo song would you vote for? Why?
Sunghee made the conscious choice of not being too biased for Jaewon this time around. If only because they didn’t want anyone to say they weren’t really paying attention on the other stages, which wasn’t true. “I think I would probably vote for Heart Stop? I wasn’t expecting to enjoy it as much as I did, really, but I think they did a really good job. As for the solo song… I think still Jasmine. I can’t help but be a fan of everything Jaewon hyung does!” Well. They tried.
If any of the competitors were to write a song for you or your group, who would you choose? Why?
They smiled. “Well, Jaewon already does,” Sunghee tapped their fingers against their already bouncy leg. “Just kidding! I think maybe Taeyong hyung? I really like his songs and I think he’d be able to write something that would really fit for Unity’s song. I hope he gets the chance to write something for a group because he’s really skilled at it.”
Would you ever want to compete in a competition show? If so, what kind?
Want is too strong of a word. Sunghee knew that if the opportunity came, Dimensions would force them to do it anyway. “Sure? Something to do with rap, because I don’t think I’d be able to participate in anything else. Something like Show Me The Money would be cool.”
Do you know any of the competitors personally? If so, how do you feel they’ve done as a contestant on the show?
Sunghee inclines their head at the question. “Should I say I know none of them?” They laugh. “Of course I know Jaewon hyung. I think he’s done really great. I’ve gotten to write a lot of songs with hyung in the past and I know how hard he works on everything he sets his mind to. I’ve been really impressed with his work so far and I know if he had more rounds he’d show even better work.”
From the songs uploaded onto streaming sites (both duets and solos), which one fits your personal taste the best? Why?
“I hate coming across as biased but it’s definitely just my personal taste to say it’s Jasmine. I’ve always spoken about how much I like rap and r&b, and I think Jaewon hyung did a really good job with this track.”
From the music videos for the solo songs, which one did you like the best? Why?
“I’d have to say Taeyong hyung’s. I think all of them are good in their own way, but I enjoyed his music video the most. I thought it had a very cool aesthetic to it, even if it was pretty simple.”
What do you think is important to show in a final performance, whether it be in a concert, at a festival, or on a competition show?
“Energy? I think a lot of mistakes in a performance can be forgiven if only you put in the right level of energy to get people hooked on it. Well, I know it entertains me at least.”
Do you have any words of advice for performing a stage with high stakes?
Who was Sunghee to do that, was their first thought. Some of the people participating had performed in stages much bigger than they could ever and they were all either their senior or in the same group as them. “Hm, I think… trust on your own skills? You’ve made it this far because you’re good at what you do so trust that you can do it!”
date(s): somewhere beteen 24 november - 30 november 2020
mentions of: n/a
word count: +/- 490 words
warnings: n/a
details: fmdos4, just, a ramble of jaewon’s general thought process throughout the filming of the jasmine mv. this is terrible really, don’t read it, i don’t know how to write anything positive for this man but i Tried at least so that’s worth smth i guess?
filming the jasmine music video comes as a breath of fresh air.
of course, jaewon has filmed music videos before but none of them have ever been this… calm. it’s suitable of course, jasmine is a chill-hop song with a slow drawl to it, nothing like the quick-paced, highly electronic music unity usually puts out but just because it’s a given doesn’t mean it’s not nice.
there is no choreography either. again, hardly surprising but still nice. jaewon liked dancing, would not have spent as much time doing it if he didn't, but what he didn’t like was running through choreographies for hours on end under harsh set lighting.
the closest experience he can recall to ever shooting a music video like this is yestoday probably. that definitely bolsters his enthusiasm for the music video shoot even more. yestoday had been one of jaewon’s favorite projects within unity, one of the songs he was proudest to have written on. jasmine found itself in good company already.
still, even if yestoday had been relatively calm, it had been nothing like this. the instructions jaewon got were simple. the music video entailed nothing outrageous or over the top, just beautiful nature shots, walking around, staring off into the skyline. jaewon was no star actor (even if dimensions seemed to think otherwise with how they kept shoving him into acting roles but whatever) even he could pull this off.
truly, the most demanding scenes consisted out of simply lip sync along to the song. which should be a proper attest of just how simple the whole process was. not that jaewon was complaining. in his opinion, the song didn’t need much more.
truly, jaewon was the first to advocate that the less there was of him in the mv, the better.
but really, self-deprecation aside, as he watched the footage between takes, jaewon could already feel a deep-seated sense of contentment. the videography was absolutely stunning, capturing the prettiest aspects of the scenery in a way jaewon had assumed would be lost had you not been there.
the video shoot might not have been elaborate or fancy, but it didn’t need to be. even just seeing the unedited footage jaewon could tell it would be good.
almost, truly almost, would he call the experience therapeutic. not entirely of course, at the end of the day, it remains work, the lenses of the heavy, incredibly expensive camera’s burning holes in his back. but compared to the usual workload it’s a walk in the park and sometimes, it truly is the small victories that count.
so, when after a long day of filming, the sun having set right after they had wrapped up filming the last scene, jaewon finds himself looking out over the valley that made up their last filming location of the day and feels like he can confidently say that today was a good day.
the idea for nowhere is one he’s had ever since working on his album. writing song after song on his own about love and heartbreak had opened a rift of understanding in him that the face of the hopeless romanticism he’d once held so close had changed. he’d explored the topic a little on the album, but the epiphany had come so late in the process and had too quickly become mixed the negative feelings of his own heartbreak that he been compelled to bleed out onto the page under the guise of self-inflicted therapy instead.
there’s only been about a month’s distance from writing the final songs of his album when ash sits down to write his final song for the show, but there’s a new calm and self-awareness now that had been the opposite at the same time the month before. he’d had too much time to sit at home and think and with the release of his album now behind him and the success he’s watched it begin to achieve on the charts, he has fewer worries on his mind. the end of the year is approaching at a rate ash can’t fully comprehend — it feels like only last week that he’d released come over, his first single of the year and the start of a long and arduous creative and emotional journey — and bc doesn’t seem to have any plans for him to drop anything else until the new year, so this is his last chance to make a final statement.
fall is a nice final chapter and bittersweet is the author’s note, but he needs to release an epilogue, separate from the novel as a symbol of his own readiness to move on as the calendar changes over from one year to a new one.
“nowhere” is that epilogue. the lyrics come to him almost entirely in one night, with a loose melody to accompany them, and from there, the song is easy enough to shape into something worthy of commercial release. come over had been shallow waters in comparison to the depths he’d gradually ventured into as the year progressed, but nowhere is everything he says with his head underwater, unsure if he wants anyone to hear what he’s saying at all.
it’s not admitting defeat, but it’s not a declaration of perseverance either. it just is.
at one point in his journey as a songwriter, ash had begun to think each song had to tell a narrative or have a message, but this song is constructed merely as a diary entry turned outward. this is me.
because, really, that’s why he’d started writing in the first place: to know himself.
as confused as he is and as many hits as he’s taken, at least by the end of this, he has something to show for it.
