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any redemption fic where NULL doesn’t come with me is wrong. I’m bringing that chicken bastard with me wether it likes it or not
Sweet Dreams, —- Folly, Regretevator [FICTIVE]
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hmhmhm… it’s weird being a fictive who’s wildly different from source. I want to be good. I want to be good. I want….I want. and yet it wasn’t meant for me. it wasn’t in the cards, it wasn’t in my fate. maybe by my own design. my own actions, hmhmhm?
although… hmhmhm… it is meant for me here, in this life, I suppose. my sourcemates, ex-friends, they’ve already forgiven me. I went out of my way to apologize. And… And it’s not like I’m alone in this feeling, either, especially among our system. Vox, Echidna, victim… people who are better. There’s even a whole polycule of them, hmhmha!
Melanie… she’s decided to cast all of her exomemories away. they are, after all, at their base, fiction. It feels cruel. It was real to me, in some sense, and to be denied penance is… unfulfilling. But… hmhmha… there is some wisdom, to her words. if it isn’t real in this lifetime… can I not simply change it? I can write stories, craft things with my own two hands, create and make, where I got out. hmhmha… tempting, isn’t it? I’m afraid of being… what do you call it, “cringe”? haha, Scag would like that one… for writing myself “out of character”, but… maybe I shouldn’t worry.
sweet dreams, everyone. should that be my sign off, hmhmha?
— Folly, Regretevator (Fictive)
x
hmhmhm… NULL was my only ally for a long time. I had Pest before it, then Melanie before Pest, both being “friends”, but NULL was my latest and longest.
I suppose our relationship was supposed to be purely transactional. Maybe that’s why it worked so well, hmhmha? We didn’t have to be friends, so I could be myself. We didn’t have to be friends. We could be whatever we wanted to be. Allies.
We didn’t meet much. We fought, in the weird way people like us did. the trust there was shaky at best. He was the only person I had. I think I was his, too. We cared for each other. We were there when the other needed someone to be around - even if the moments ticked on in silence, it wasn’t tense.
nowadays, I have others again. Pest, Melanie, and more, too. Even if these relationships are new. And I’m not quite sure what to do with them. I don’t know if I want “friends”, not really. And I don’t know if “allies” fits them. “allies” is a special term - for me and NULL only, hmhmha?
still. NULL is one of the relationships I cherish most. NULL, I love you, as wrong as it sounds. it’s true.
Sweet Dreams, —- Folly, Regretevator (Fictive)
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as much as I wished for a redemption in canon, either in my canon or the canon of the game, I would never do it if I knew NULL wouldn’t come with me. I mean it wasn’t going to happen for a great plethora of reasons, but… they were one of them. We were allies. Not quite close, not quite ‘friends’, but. There for each other. The only(?) person I still had like that.
I wanted to save him too.
— Folly, Regretevator (Fictive)
x
Of course, just after I once more lament over my darling Melanie- the second trailer drops. She's coming back.
On one hand, I am oh-so happy to see her get a second chance at life; to be repaired and fixed up just like she deserves to be...
On the other hand, how will she react to me again? I'm not sure I can stand to see her afraid of me. Anger is justifiable, I expect some choice (and well-deserved) words; but I fear for my own cold heart if she is afraid of me.
I beg of you, rabbit, do not flinch. Please, you'll break me again.
- FOLLY [💭][REGRETEVATOR FICTIVE]
x
I feel like there are two gripping claws inside of me, pulling me side-to-side with nails sunken into my pelt. Using me as the rope in their endless game of tug-of-war.
I feel so much sorrow, so much bitter malady lays on my tongue when I say her name; when I think of her. How desperately I wish to entangle my own clawed hands into her soft fur once more- hold onto her like a coiling python; we both know she was nothing more than prey. She is nothing more than prey to me. The snake still sleeps for the hare it has slain.
The anger I feel is no longer just. It is not righteous or pure and holy; it is tainted and vile and venomous. I go from one light to another, from my darling rabbit I depart and hunt for that who is brightest. Wires to wires, electricity to electricity. I don't think he even bled.
If they knew what I'd done they'd hate me. They already do, I am well aware of that.
Under what is either aspen or birch, I sit in solitude; it is better this way. Where my searing gaze will not bore into flesh? Where my hands will not reach out and rip; tear limb from limb what could never be mine. A body that is my own, a name, a face, a voice.
This is not the path I chose. This is not who I was ever meant to be, and yet I march forth; I must continue to cull the herd of fools before they lead me to my own demise.
The Embodiment of The Fool of Major Arcana,
FOLLY [💭][REGRETEVATOR FICTIVE]
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Oh gods- Melanie. Melanie I'm so sorry. Melanie, I know you'll never forgive me but oh, oh Melanie. There is not enough words in existence that could explain my sorrows. Not enough apologies I could offer that would cure your pain. I've doomed you, please. Hear my apology. I've never cried for anyone, I rarely even tear up but Melanie. You sweet, sunshine of a rabbit. Forgive me for what I've done to you. In My Dreams, I Weep for You. FOLLY [💭][REGRETEVATOR FICTIVE]
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Is it such a bad idea to want to reconnect with someone I literally killed? Is this really such a stupid thing to want? "Oh, but Folly!!! You're an evil murdering sadist, why do you care now?" BECAUSE I CAN CARE NOW. I CAN FEEL! IT'S NOT THIS ABSOLUTE REPRESSION ANYMORE! Maybe I just want to feel her furred ears in my claws once again, hm? Maybe I want to see her smile- watch her with her friends. I don't want to tamper with her joy again. I don't want to listen to her circuits break under my hands. I don't want to hear her cry and beg and. I want these thoughts gone- oh so desperately. Is this so wrong to want? To want Melanie to be happy, That's my Opinion Difference. Damn this newfound morality. FOLLY [💭] [Regretevator Fictive]
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