#regretevatorfictive

[fictionkinfessions]

dear everyone else struggling w this:

guys it is literally Okay to be loveless. you don’t have to feel love. it isn’t even a requirement to be a good person. don’t like, join any crazy rock cult that’ll rid you of machinehood to stop being loveless Because It Won’t Even Work, and even if it did WHO Cares you can be loveless it’s cool

— NULL, regretevator (fictive)

x

[red-regrets]

Peculiar, it seems the scarring on my stomach is simultaneously healed over and bleeding at once

[fictionkinfessions]

any redemption fic where NULL doesn’t come with me is wrong. I’m bringing that chicken bastard with me wether it likes it or not

Sweet Dreams, —- Folly, Regretevator [FICTIVE]

x

[fictionkinfessions]

hmhmhm… it’s weird being a fictive who’s wildly different from source. I want to be good. I want to be good. I want….I want. and yet it wasn’t meant for me. it wasn’t in the cards, it wasn’t in my fate. maybe by my own design. my own actions, hmhmhm?

although… hmhmhm… it is meant for me here, in this life, I suppose. my sourcemates, ex-friends, they’ve already forgiven me. I went out of my way to apologize. And… And it’s not like I’m alone in this feeling, either, especially among our system. Vox, Echidna, victim… people who are better. There’s even a whole polycule of them, hmhmha!

Melanie… she’s decided to cast all of her exomemories away. they are, after all, at their base, fiction. It feels cruel. It was real to me, in some sense, and to be denied penance is… unfulfilling. But… hmhmha… there is some wisdom, to her words. if it isn’t real in this lifetime… can I not simply change it? I can write stories, craft things with my own two hands, create and make, where I got out. hmhmha… tempting, isn’t it? I’m afraid of being… what do you call it, “cringe”? haha, Scag would like that one… for writing myself “out of character”, but… maybe I shouldn’t worry.

sweet dreams, everyone. should that be my sign off, hmhmha?

— Folly, Regretevator (Fictive)

x

[fictionkinfessions]

hmhmhm… NULL was my only ally for a long time. I had Pest before it, then Melanie before Pest, both being “friends”, but NULL was my latest and longest.

I suppose our relationship was supposed to be purely transactional. Maybe that’s why it worked so well, hmhmha? We didn’t have to be friends, so I could be myself. We didn’t have to be friends. We could be whatever we wanted to be. Allies.

We didn’t meet much. We fought, in the weird way people like us did. the trust there was shaky at best. He was the only person I had. I think I was his, too. We cared for each other. We were there when the other needed someone to be around - even if the moments ticked on in silence, it wasn’t tense.

nowadays, I have others again. Pest, Melanie, and more, too. Even if these relationships are new. And I’m not quite sure what to do with them. I don’t know if I want “friends”, not really. And I don’t know if “allies” fits them. “allies” is a special term - for me and NULL only, hmhmha?

still. NULL is one of the relationships I cherish most. NULL, I love you, as wrong as it sounds. it’s true.

Sweet Dreams, —- Folly, Regretevator (Fictive)

x

[fictionkinfessions]

as much as I wished for a redemption in canon, either in my canon or the canon of the game, I would never do it if I knew NULL wouldn’t come with me. I mean it wasn’t going to happen for a great plethora of reasons, but… they were one of them. We were allies. Not quite close, not quite ‘friends’, but. There for each other. The only(?) person I still had like that.

I wanted to save him too.

— Folly, Regretevator (Fictive)

x

[red-regrets]

We have a shirt with this eye on it. It is nice to wear.

[red-regrets]

I hated MR. I was only there out of necessity, and intended to leave as soon as possible.