#for myslef

[mishmash-webster]

“get a grip!” “lock in!” okayyyyy but i look like this

[princelycannibal]

me and my sister went out in the rain to get 7/11 ramen

[springle-bunny]

hhhhgh tired,,,,,,

[gothicsignal]

hahahaha gotta see doctor str*nge with my friend in a month :)))) so excited :)))) yay :)))))

[vodders62442]

A Quick Life Update

Because a lot has happened already this month and I want to get it all down.

I came out to my parents as Bi and Trans. I've accepted myself for who I am and I am determined to look amazing in everything I own. (To confirm, I am DFAB but I now identify as a He). My wardrobe has almost 30 gorgeous dresses which I will continue to wear and look hella fine whilst doing so.

I finally decided what I'm going to do after I finish college. This has lifted a massive weight off my chest and I feel more confident about chasing what I want. There are so many apprenticeships out there and I'm sure I'll find the one for me.

My YouTube channel is almost at 50 subscribers. That's more than I thought I'd get this year, let alone by February. I'm hoping I can maybe reach 100 by the end of the year. That'd be nice.

The combination of coming out and making a proper decision on what I want to do has made me feel so much better about my "extra curricular" stuff. I'm enjoying creating, I'm picking up books again, I'm actually contributing to Tumblr rather than just reblogging stuff and I'm getting closer to sharing my art with people (not quite there yet).

I've set myself fitness goals for the summer and I'm looking to order a few proper binders. The aim is to be able to go to parks and beaches and parties with friends and have the confidence to throw off my shirt and "jump around with the guys." I'm not going to transition until I move out. My parents aren't ready for something like that in their lives so I'm gonna wait. I'm happy just being me for now.

All my friends have accepted me and that's just one of the greatest feelings I can possible describe. I can't wait to see them all when they come back from uni. This summer is gonna be great I can feel it.

I'm working on forgetting the harmful people who used to be in my life and I'll get there eventually I'm sure. Actually releasing my latest video to the world has really helped that. Even just in the last 20 or so hours.

I'm going to try and start sewing. I really want to make a decent costume that I can wear again and again and theshatteredsilhouette is so inspirational. Her cosplays are great so go check her out.

I think that's all so far. If anything else happens that's life changing or enlightening I'll let you know :)

P.S. I've picked a name. It's Ruaridh. Bit of a mouthful but I love it and it feels right so I'm gonna stick with it. (if you're wondering how to pronounce it it's just like Rory but with more letters and a roll on the R if you're Scottish :P)

[praywestayoung]

I just saw a video of Jessie Mueller hitting an E flat like it was nothing and now I'm sad. 

[crepusculecraft]

THIS TAG IS AS DEAD AS THE URL IS

[deathlesschroniclesofadying-blog]

Myself: something i wrote long ago

I am not myself.

I was born a ball of clay. Ready to play, falling from the sky.   I fell and fell, till I hit a hill hard, hurting my form, turning me from ball to blob.

Day’s the night, till night the day, I tumbled down the hill, being battered, berated, bent. My time was spent grasping for control. But I rolled and rolled until finally I stood on level ground, not the shape of ball or blob, but the shape of a man.

I am not myself.

My form has been altered once again, to something I didn’t choose.  My clay is so soft now.        I can feel a constant wind… a constant noise that I cannot see but still slightly shifts my substance against my will.

I am not myself.

I come upon a fork in the road and I don’t know which to take. But for my sake I want to find the one that lets me be who I want to be. The one that takes me to me. For I am clay and I want to shape myself. Where is my sculpturing tool set?

All I see is fork, spoon, spork, and knife. All utensils made to devour. People come and take pieces of me. And all I can do is eat and absorb that which surrounds me.

I am not myself

I am thrust into a throng of clay figures. They mean to be my friends and give me pats on the back. Pats full of pressure. Pressure pats with a purpose. The purpose of my peers. Oh those peer pressure pats…

Once again my shape has changed… they shaped me with those pats, trying to make me just like them. But now they have left me in the shape of a simple imitation… yet I am still changed by them.

I am not myself.

The years go on and on and my clay gets harder and harder. Yet still I wonder, looking for the way to shape myself. Path after path I follow. Choosing them carefully.

My outsides may get hard but the insides constantly change. A look from some pretty girl clay and my insides boil away… but a betrayal from a friend makes me empty instead. It goes from hard to soft to warm to cold… but whatever it is, it’s not the same as the old.

I am not myself.

The years have wasted away. Now my clay has hardened and is flaking. I have walked my path and now my body is bent and hunched. I am too tired to think, all I need is a drink. I'm upon the pond and the willow tree. I lean for the drink and as I lean I see… my reflection.

Reflection Perfection.

I stared in the water and who should it be but me. Now I realize that I am myself. All my experiences are what made me who I am. The realization that all that has transformed me has changed me to ME. All the summation of my transformation equals who I am. The clay theory.

The whole time I have been shaping myself by the choices i've made and the paths i've taken. It has all lead to my self. The only path you can take is the path to oneself.

I am Myself.