Discover Top Posts Tagged with #for nak

A painite! They’re the fusion of my rhodonite and my friend’s Black Tourmaline!

Painite is an edgy looking goof with a good heart. They love their friends a lot, and have a chainsaw as a weapon!

A series of witch versions (particulalry kiki's delivery service versions) of me and my friends! @mayennalee @heliotropehero @arcticleopard @arnak1337 out of order.

#my art #for helio #for nak #for wren #for dia

Some tired bois for @arnak1337! This is his boi Myrzal, whom i’m love

love this angerey boi

#my art #fantrolls #for nak #friend ocs

this is the best image i’ve ever made in my life and it’s titled “I’m having a baby and the baby is me” featuring my squad, and three versions of me

also from a draw your squad thing

#my art #for dia #for nak #for helio #for wren

Had a fun conversation with @arnak1337 today

#Mcelroy #monster factory #my shit #for nak

I didn’t edit this and I’m tired and maybe it doesn’t make sense but I’m thinking about you

You taught me the importance of a good mascara and we both know that there is no boy alive on this planet worth ruining it over. Forty dollars is a lot to spend on a good cry, but right now I think it’d be worth it for you. Let the black tracks snake down your flawless skin. Get lipstick on your teeth while you sob. Cry so that your face turns so blotchy you don’t need blush and your foundation can’t cover it. No boy is worth that kind of money, but you are. So go ahead. Let it out a little. Pain isn’t pretty and right now while you’re hurting you don’t have to be either.

You told me that you worry that you’re just a sentence in everyone’s book and that’s it. The page will turn and you’ll be gone and it won’t matter anymore. As an English major, I have to say you have a very poor understanding of books. Sometimes it’s one sentence that makes the whole book. “Nolite te bastardes carborundorum” for example. That seems fitting. You’re not a handmaiden and your tale isn’t nearly as bleak, but still. Don’t like the bastards get you down.

Of course, the irony here is that you aren’t a sentence. At least not in my book. You are the scribbled scrawl in the margins and the underlining and highlighting and dog eared pages. You are the footnotes that someone went in and wrote and made the whole thing more human. You are intertwined into my story even in the parts that have nothing to do with you. Different chapters of partners are punctuated with what you thought of them-

“Did he really just say that? That’s kind of racist”

“Oh no, you can do better.”

“Okay this one. She seems good for you.”

You are also a part of the symbolism of my life. If my life really was a book, there would be academic discourse on which objects were meant to be associated with you. Washi tape? A bakery? A birthday card? There would be great debates and students would have to check SparkNotes because they’d miss all the ways you slipped into my day to day life. How you stick around even when you’re miles away. Is the lipstick left uncapped because it’s meant to represent how exposed you were feeling? There’s red hair dye on the counter in this paragraph even though the protagonist has blue hair- is that supposed to be you? Why would the author mention the newspaper being left open on the coupons page? What does that mean? Is that alluding to you?

You are not a sentence in my book. You are a theme.

You also told me that you think I’m the “cool friend”. As if we were some sort of dynamic duo that had to exist in binaries. You’d think that a friendship between two queer girls would be a little less into that kind of thing.

I’m not the cool friend. Unless you mean temperature wise. Because I see you like a burning fire. You are unkempt passion. Your emotions roll off your skin and into the air around you. You light up everything around you in a flurry of activity- even if it’s something as simple as cooking dinner. If you are the fire friend then I am the ice one. I have the chip in my shoulder and the cold glare. Don’t think I’m the “cool” friend because I’m too cool to let anyone in or show any emotion. There’s a whole Disney movie about why that’s a bad idea.

But if you really wanted to break us up into binaries (which I don’t recommend), I’d like to share a few of mine. You are the kind of fairy in children’s stories that makes the flowers bloom and babies laugh; I’m the kind in folklore that steals left shoes and lures people into getting lost in the woods. You are springtime when everything comes alive and I am fall when everything dies. You are the underdog in a chick flick everyone roots for (Think The Devil Wear Prada- you’re Andrea) and I am the frigid bitch that is mostly there for comedic relief (following the same example, I’d be Emily). Things might suck for you in the first hour of the movie, but in the end you’ll be on top. You are a bright surrealist painting- I’m the sharp angels of cubism. You are a rainbow and I am the rain. You are cigarette smoke curling around in the air like a moment in an indie film; I am the billowing smoke above a forest fire in a documentary. You worry that you are underwhelming but let me tell you it is much better than being overwhelming like me. You can surprise someone when you surpass their expectations but I am going to drown someone without ever even realizing it. You are a fresh, original character. I’m an archetype. People have seen me before- and no matter how interesting I am I’ll always just be a copy of a copy.

My point here isn’t to be self-pitying. My point is that you are infinitely cooler than me, from your dinosaur tights to your somewhat inappropriately named lipstick. And saying this probably won’t change your mind, but at least then we know we both think the other one is the “cool friend” and that seems like a pretty good friendship right there.

I think my favorite thing about you is that we both exist in the gray areas. We’re not quite students, but we’re not quite dropouts. We’re not quite white, but we’re not quite something else. We’re not quite employed, but we aren’t quite jobless.

We’re not quite okay, but we’re not quite broken either.

Life would be so much easier if we were one or the other. But we’re not and we can at least find solace in each other. So when you say things like you don’t matter, I need you to know that you do. That is one absolute you do have. You matter and you matter so much more than I think you can imagine.

We joke that I’m not a good listener, but I am listening right now. Please don’t think your cries for help are falling on deaf ears. I am here for you.

#writing #for nak