Man, typing up the FA sadness arc chapters for the last two weeks, and I finally went in to play more of the game (fucking around in Rivington). And I waited til I was done for the night to do the whole “kiss Astarion” thing.
Lads. Oh muh gawd, LADS. The sheer motherfucking DOPAMINE HIT.
A/N: just another smooch featuring everyone’s favorite black hat. this one is stand alone so this is not the Logan from Oblivion/ Simplify or The Bottom. smooch #7- 12 to go!
Warning: language
Word Count: 2,260
Prompt from: @thesumofmychoices who wanted Logan by the campfire with a kiss of relief. giddy-up.
“Fuck!”
Logan kicked the boulder that he’d been sitting on before standing to pace around the campsite, sending a blunt pain through his foot and up his shin into his knee. “Mother fucker!” He took an uncoordinated hop, nearly falling over but catching his balance at the last second. It wasn’t clear if he was cursing at himself or at the boulder, at you or at the fact that he’d lost track of you somewhere in the park. Ripping the hat from his head he tossed it into the dusting of snow that had settled over the scrubby ground, the dark black felt in stark contrast to the pristine white glitter that had just started to fall. He looked at the way it stood out in the glow of the flames that wouldn’t last if the weather kept up. Shouldn’t have fucking let her go...no idea where the fuck she went now...goddamn it, Delos you really fucked this one up…
The biting cold was already working to numb the ache of what was surely a broken foot, and he considered giving the boulder another kick just to punish himself further. Feeling pain was relatively new to Logan, and he wasn’t sure that he’d had his fill. It had only been a few months that he’d been clean from the drugs that let him feel nothing in abundance, but abundance was what he knew best. If it couldn’t be an overflow of emptiness, he’d settle for another round of blinding pain. Anything was better than the cocktail of guilt and panic that was stirring his stomach and clawing at his chest.
“You’re being an ass, Logan.” You’d said it tight lipped with hard punctuation as puffs of white vapor formed in the cold air. He watched as you crossed your arms over your chest, tight lips turning downwards after you finished speaking.
He’d wanted to apologize. He wanted to take back what he’d said about how you’d only agreed to come on the trip so you could fuck your way through the wild west, about the looks he saw you giving some of the male Hosts you’d encountered, and how you should just get to it if that’s all you were here for. He wanted to grab you by the face and kiss you so hard you’d forget all about them and forget the hurtful things he said and the seemingly uncaring way in which he’d said them. He wanted you like he’d never wanted anything and it threw a wrench into the way he would normally operate. What he did instead was much worse.
He raised his eyebrows and gestured up and down his body at himself as he spoke. “Yeah? Well that’s me. I’m an ass.” He licked his lips, advancing on you, feeling his own eyes grow darker with anger. At himself. With every dumbass word he spoke. “So go ahead and get yourself one of those good guys back in Sweetwater, darlin’. I know that’s what you want. I know that’s why you came. Don’t let me stop you.” The fuck am I saying? He thought. Logan knew you, and knew that you weren’t a shallow puddle like the rest of the women he knew, like the rest of the eager young Delos interns that he’d “shown around the park”. This isn’t how I wanted this to go. At all.
You didn’t budge, even as he stepped within inches of where you stood, boot tips almost touching yours. “I’m not here to fuck dolls, Logan.” You poured acidic venom all over his name.
I know you’re not. “Coulda fooled me.” He knew he was sabotaging himself but he didn’t know how to stop. Normally, he wouldn’t think twice about how he’d spend a trip like this one, pushing the hair away from the ear he’d whisper into, saying things like “I’m not your boss in here, we can do whatever we want,” or “You really want the cowboy experience? Lemme take you for a ride, darlin’.” Normally, he’d take you into the tent or room or train car or carriage and he’d show you that while he was talented in the boardroom, he was even more talented outside of it. But there was nothing normal about the way he was feeling right now, the absence of any residual substance in his bloodstream allowing him to feel things that he had no prior experience with: jealousy, fear and hope.
You’d narrowed your eyes then, nostrils flaring. Dammit she even looks good when she’s pissed. “You know what?” You shook your head slightly, clearly frustrated as you dropped your arms. “I think I will go take a walk. Maybe I’ll walk all the way back to Sweetwater. Because I can’t with you right now, Delos.” You scoffed and turned on a dime, stalking off through the bushes that Nadia and Simon- the other two Delos employees that had been on this trip with you- had disappeared through about a half hour ago.
“Fine with me, sweetheart!” He spat after you. But it was not fine, not at all, and as he watched you walk away the anger started swirling with the other things he was feeling, and he thought about stopping you, but didn’t. She’s better off. Let her cool down or...or let her do whatever she wants… let her get the fuck away from me.
Ten minutes turned into twenty, and twenty into forty. Nadia and Simon were still gone, and Logan didn’t expect them to come back. Nadia had made eyes at Simon when they’d passed an abandoned homestead on their way out to where camp had been set up, and he knew what they were up to. It was what he wanted to be up to with you, but he couldn’t. Because he was an ass and he’d ruined everything. He sunk down onto the boulder, poking at the fire with a long stick to keep it going as the air temperature dropped and the sky darkened. Everything around him was quiet aside from the crackling logs, and he was left alone to wonder where you’d gone or if you’d taken his advice and found yourself a white hat to play with. Pulling his watch out of his pocket he realized it had been an hour since you’d stalked off, and just as he noted the minute hand passing the twelve, a snowflake fell on the watch’s face, melting against the fire-warmed glass.
Shit. Now it’s snowing. Why couldn’t this trip wait until fucking Spring? Another thought gripped him, and Logan felt another new sensation take hold- you’d never been to the park before. You had no idea how large it was or how easy it was to get lost. You weren’t an idiot, and you’d seen maps and pictures, knew the actual square mileage and all the details, but knowing the numbers and actually being there were two very different things. You could be lost. And cold. You could be scared. And he was worried about you. That’s when the pacing began.
.. .. .. .. .. ..
He really is an ass. I can’t believe...that’s really what he thinks of me? How dare he...? He...goddamnit why does it have to be him? Why couldn’t I just…
You stomped away from the campfire, woolen stockings slipping in your leather boots with every purposeful step. You wanted to rip every last hair from your head. He really thinks I’d rather waste my time with a goddamn robot? When he’s right there and he’s… You grumbled aloud to yourself. You were in no way going back to Sweetwater, and you certainly were not about to go screw some bag of bolts. You just needed time to cool down before you talked to him. What am I even going to say?
You huffed and thought about how to bring up the fact that you were actually developing feelings for your playboy boss, and that you could barely focus on your work after he’d taken you out on two ...could you call them dates? Nothing had happened, he hadn’t even kissed you...Oh god, they weren’t dates. They were business lunches. Shit I’m…
You hadn’t gone far, knowing full and well that the park was huge and you didn’t want to get lost. You walked in circles, keeping the rising smoke of the campfire in your sights the whole time. You hadn’t noticed that a chill had crept into the air, too annoyed and worked up to feel it, but now a flurry of snowflakes were floating down to the dirt and you knew you had to get back before it turned into a storm. Why did we come in fucking February?
As you circled back to the campsite, the snow making the ground slick and the silence heavy, you heard him cursing to himself and ducked behind the twiggy branches of a barren bush. There he was, hair messed and hands tugging at his neck as he paced around the fire. Is he limping? You asked yourself the question as you saw him draw his foot back and direct another kick at the rock. You flinched. Yup, he’s limping. You were about to reveal yourself when you heard him speak, and shrunk back out of sight.
“Fucking idiot. The one good thing in your life...the one person who sees more than the bullshit… and you push her away...And now she’s gone...” He hopped on his injured foot and you felt your shoulders fall. Oh, Logan…
You bit your bottom lip as you watched him sit back on the rock he’d abused, hands in his hair and elbows on his knees. Could he actually… was he...worried? That I wouldn’t come back? You decided that he’d had enough punishment for his behavior from earlier, and you stepped out from behind the bush, clearing your throat. “What’d that rock do to you, Logan?” You tilted your head and felt your eyes soften as he looked up at you.
He rose, mouth falling open before he swallowed. “You’re back…” he tried to take a step towards you and faltered with a flinch from the weight he tried to put on his foot.
You shook your head and hurried closer, not wanting him to hurt himself more than he clearly had. “Yes, Logan, of course I’m back, did you think I was going to…”
“I thought you left…” His eyes were on yours and they were shining with more than the reflection from the firelight. “Or got lost or,” he sighed. “Or you had enough of...of me.”
Not nearly. You reached for his arm, fingers closing around his wrist as you tugged him back down to a seated position to get him off his foot. “No, Logan. I didn’t leave.” You sat on the boulder beside him, close enough that your thighs were touching, and despite the snow you felt a warmth coming off of him that was unexpected. He was staring at your fingers as they slipped under the sleeve of his jacket. “I didn’t get lost. I…” you let out a little laugh. “I didn’t even go very far.” You gestured off in the direction that you came from. “I just walked in circles because I… I needed to clear my head, Logan. I couldn’t believe that you really...that you thought I was interested in the Hosts…” He looked up from your fingers as you felt his pulse quicken beneath them. “Guess I didn’t do a good enough job showing you what I was really interested in…” Well there it is.
“Me?” He asked the question like it was the most outlandish thing in the world.
You sighed, unable to take your eyes off of his. “You, Logan. I don’t give a damn about the Hosts. If I looked interested, it was just because I’d never seen them before. But...you… you’re what I…”
He cut you off then, lips finding yours as snowflakes landed in both of your hair. Oh! The kiss caught you off guard with how soft it was, how delicate and slow. His hands came up to cup either side of your face, keeping you in place, your hand still wrapped around his right wrist, now moving up to run your fingers over his knuckles. Is this really… this is really happening. He’s… this…
He pulled apart and you were almost thankful- your thoughts were already scattered enough. “I was worried… about you… about… I thought I blew it. But you came back and… and you…” there were questions swimming in his dark eyes as he shook his head slightly. “You actually want… to be with me?”
You nodded, fully aware of how close your face still was to his. “Yes, ass.” You couldn’t help yourself, smiling and feeling downright drunk from the kiss and the way things had gotten misconstrued and how you’d watched him pacing around. He smiled, too, sheepishly, and brushed his nose against yours.
“I deserve that,” he laughed before placing another quick kiss to the corner of your mouth.
“You do, Delos.” You responded. “Now, let’s get inside so we don’t end up as popsicles, huh?”
He rose immediately and winced again. “Pretty sure I broke my foot…”
You rolled your eyes, despite your smile. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure you did too. That’s what happens when you kick boulders, Logan.” You rose on your tiptoes to drop a kiss to his cheek. Now that he’d kissed you, you couldn’t get enough of it. “Come on, cowboy, I’ll take care of your purple foot.”
excuse the cringe I just woke up at 2:00 AM from a highly emotional monhun dream. It was an emotional Timelapse of me as a kid starting out with 3U and slowly as I grew up playing more and more monhun games. The challenges, the stories, the journeys, the experiences. It was all laid bare and I woke up crying.
