so we’ve been talking about various little aus we cannot allow to see the light of day due to them being able to cause psychic damage and we inevitably got into “Oops All Not!Them”
we’ve decided that “”Tom”” is just Tom Broker, Not!Sasha’s Totally Heterosexual Boyfriend who has had all the fucking charm sapped straight out of him. like it is unreal how unromantic he is. He Tries to be romantic for not!Sasha especially out in public bc he wants to impress her but hes SO BAD at it. Not!Sasha sits across from him and he tries to compliment those dead fish eyes of hers and he gets so flustered and genuinely tongue tied he just wheezes out “good googles you got there”. tries to follow up with “You have arms that can hold.......... Things.” it’s Torment to anyone looking in
Like don’t get me wrong not!Tim is not like, slobby or disgusting or anything- he cleans up well, even if it’s probably just with one body wash and a 2-in-1 shampoo that doesn’t fit his hair type whatsoever but he uses it just bc it gets the job done, and he dresses “sharply” in that “kinda middle aged taxman’s suit if you slid all the sliders on a business character customization screen to the exact middle” way. but there is No Charm. He couldn’t even talk his way out of a paper bag, much less into police records. he is Perfectly Average in every way
and. I don’t know why. but i find him SO fucking endearing and cute in a pathetic way and I Am In Hell
