#forced gender

[justanotherchangeling]

I love being a trans boy on progesterone because my family and doctors want to restart my reproductive capabilities. Loooove finding out they want to force me to be more female after realizing im probably intersex. Looooove it

[bltchcrxft]

Why the fuck???? Does this RAZOR have titties?????? Why

[adapted-batteries]

When will my family quit forcing femininity on me? I object repeatedly, but they don’t seem to notice, or ignore it because “I’m their little girl.” If anything, they fuel me cutting my hair because I can’t stand it anymore.

[adapted-batteries]

Forcing Gender

So my mom came home with a cheap watch for me yesterday, even though I just bought a watch for myself recently. At first, I didn’t think much of the obviously purple women’s watch, but now I realize what happened.

The watch I got for myself after losing the one I had been wearing for years. The watch, which you can see here, is obviously a men’s watch. I indented to get a watch with a functioning compass so I could use it while hiking or kayaking, and I knew that I’d have to get a men’s one to not break the bank. Getting a men’s watch has good pros for me. The larger band means I don’t have to feel bad about having a big wrist, which on women’s watches meant I barely fit them. On the men’s, i can easily put it on with 7 size holes left to expand. A men’s watch also helps a bit with disassociation; not only does the larger band help my view of my weight, but having a more manly looking watch helps me feel less tied to having to be feminine.

However, now I realize my mom got the purple watch to try to subtlety get me back to my “feminine side.” Do I think she did it on purpose? I’m not sure. She told me that God wanted me to have another watch...but I already had a spare watch to begin with that I had been wearing until my new watch came in. I don’t think she’s approving with my increasingly masculine habits.

Speaking of those, shaving is one of her pet peeves with me. Once a week passes, if I haven’t shaved my neck and sideburns, she will near constantly nag me to shave them, sometimes falling back to saying things like “I look like a man” and other forms of that. She doesn’t not want to realize that not looking feminine is my goal. If anything, anytime she does stuff like this is fuel for me to have the confidence to cut my hair. It just gets in the way in everything I do really, from workout to just anything that involves my head looking down. I know my mom will not be happy with it, just as she called a friend of mine “rebellious” when she got a pixie cut out of convenience and wanting a change.

Needless to say, I desperately need to get out from my house, off to uni where I can meet new people and express myself as my full self.

Below the break is more ranting about my college stuff, in case you came on this post looking for how I’m dealing with forced gender.

College stuff has been stressing me lately, and I’m doing all I can to get out of the house. I really hope scholarships come through; I’ve spent so much time trying to find ones I was eligible for and could do, but so far nothing has turned up.

My city has two universities in it, but I’ve only been to one, which is the Christian one I’ve been taking classes at for awhile and do not want to get stuck at. The other uni is a good 20 minutes or more from my house, which increases the distance from my family, but I have to get enough money to cover my housing and some of the left over tution not covered by the merit scholarship I received in order to be able to stay there on campus and not commute. This uni is not Christian and has support for lgbtq+ , so I don’t have to be very concerned with worrying about how I present myself there in terms of conforming to a gender.

My concern is money, since I don’t want to take out a loan, but I know I can’t stay at home. I do hope scholarships come through for me, I’ve applied to more than enough to add up to what I need, but I need them to come through for me. My parents were going to cover the cost left over from the academic scholarship, but I’d have to commute to save money on food and housing, so I thought if I got the $8,000 or so I needed to cover housing and food, they’d still keep up their end of the deal, but now my mom doesn’t sound like she is.

For some reason, she likes to forget how much gas costs for my Jeep that loves to drink it up. It gets poor gas mileage, and I’d spend almost two gallons driving two and from that uni a day, five days a week, not including any other driving. I’ve been looking at smaller cars that get much better gas mileage, but since the car isn’t in my name, I can’t even sell it to get a better car, and I have the feeling my mom wouldn’t let me anyway because she’d claim I was “wasting what God gave me”. I mean, I’m already wasting away His planet by driving, so I don’t think He’d be angry I got a more eco and money friendly vehicle.

And besides, it’s just much more convenient for me to be on campus. I won’t be spending an hour a day commuting, which is an hour I can spend on homework or in the gym. I know from others experiences with commuting that it is much harder to be involved on campus, and much harder to make friends, which I already struggle with to begin with.

I just hope everything works out; I’m not ready to give up yet, I’m going to keep fighting to get my freedom.