It was a madness I never experienced before.
I just had to come to the conclusion that it was all in my head. I was delusional.
I needed to tell myself there was no such thing—two souls still feeling each other’s presence, simultaneously, from a great distance? Nonexistent.
I had to convince myself of this for my own sake and sanity, I try to at least.
so I continue walking this world alone. A true tortured poet with eyes that were once lively, now cold and empty. I can still laugh, smile, embrace the fleeting moments of joy in my life— now really appreciating them when they come. all the while, remaining unamused and aloof.
I have to keep reminding myself I don’t deserve continuous self flagellation—it’s still uncomfortable for me to even say I deserve better.
I was young. That was the time to make mistakes and learn. I paid. I learned.
“Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself B.”
Yet the devil on my shoulder whispering in my ear, “but how could you, if you weren’t forgiven?”
Fighting him off by reminding myself and responding to him
“but he did. HE did.”
Some of us only feel love once and the rest we get from an otherworldly entity, we learn that to be enough.
Forgive me father, for all the times you aren’t.
