Hi guys! I have a quick question, for angels or humans, anyone really, I have this little brother. His name is Ian but he can say that yet so he calls himself “E” and he just turned three. My little buddy. And I just recently got custody over him from my mom. I’m only 19 years old and secretly don’t want a little guy but couldn’t send him to be with strangers cause well he’s fam, you know? But I don’t know a thing about raising a three year old kiddo and I’m freaking out. Advice? Help!
“Hmm, that’s a tough one,” Gabriel says, frowning. “First of all--kuddos to you for trying to make the best of a hard situation! Not everyone would take in a toddler before they turned twenty!!
“I’d be super careful with the ‘secretly don’t want him’ aspect. Kids are very perceptive, even before they learn to talk. They can sense when adults aren’t being honest, or pretending to like them. Make sure you are getting outside support from friends, therapists, or even other family. Don’t let this little guy become an object of resentment in your life. It won’t be good for either of you!
“I know there’s a million-and-one books out there on raising kids, and even more advice givers on the internet. But I can share a couple tidbits of experience with you.
“I’ve always found that treating kids like actual people goes a long way. Be honest--they’ll know if you’re not. Don’t talk down to them, and don’t just pretend to listen when they talk to you.
“Using ‘because I told you so’ as a reason for them to do something does NOT go far, and teaches them nothing. If you want them to obey, tell them why. ‘Don’t touch that--because it is dangerous and will cause you pain.’ Or ‘pick up your toys--because if they stay on the floor, they can be stepped on and broken and then you can’t play with them.’ Kids need to understand consequences beyond punishment.
“And it’s okay to be honest about yourself with them! If you’re exhausted and not up for playing an intense game with them, it’s okay to say ‘dude, my feet/back hurt really bad right now. How about we watch a movie instead?’ Kids are very empathetic when you share your struggles!”
Gabriel smiles, soft and warm. He looks at his own flock, and remembers his own children from a previous lifetime.
“Most importantly, love the little guy. Life is hard when you can’t understand what’s happening. He’s lucky to have such an awesome big brother willing to step up. And you are lucky to have such a precious gift, even if you never asked for him. I hope you are blessings to each other, and you can form the family you both need.”
