#forgotten in drafts

[zoirohs]

Tallulah Bankhead in Alfred Hitchcock's LIFEBOAT (1944)

[wordrummager]

Distilled monologue

This chilled mug of distilled goodness is my current happy place.

My mother took me to see a showing of “Excalibur” at a local college in 1983 because I have always been a voracious consumer of any information about medieval times. I was 12 at the time and the film was completely inappropriate - graphic rape, violence, etc. I have had dreams off and on since then involving some of the scenarios. I am just now coming to grips with what it has done to my psyche.

Alcohol has never been my enemy. My parent’s addictions were of a different variety.

I ran away from home when I was six after my sister was born and my parents seemed to have no time for me. I made it all the way to my neighbors’- a young couple who found me delightful. I loved the woman- she was of Navajo descent and she embroidered a pillow for me with Shaun Cassidy’s picture.

Shaun Cassidy was my first celebrity crush. My most recent is Joe Manganiello. My most enduring is Russell Crowe.

I met The Captain in college, when I was full of bluster and promise. Much of the bluster has worn to a verdigris and the promise… I’m trying to forget.

I like haiku. Let me explain… despite popular scoffery of the form, I like how accessible it is and I think it’s because some of my earliest memories of writing poetry at age six were couplets and haiku. I like reading other forms but am not disciplined enough to employ many, hence my penchant for free verse which has become ubiquitous. However people come to find a way to express themselves is a lovely thing. Even if it’s high cheesery. Which I don’t really like but seem to write easily.

There is something about the comforting sound of ice clanking in a glass, just before you pour a drink. Like it’s excited to greet a sweet friend.

At age seven, I participated in a school production of the “Solar System.“ Children holding painted cardboard planets spun slowly to music from Holst. I portrayed a comet; dressed in a black leotard and tights, I tied sparkly scarves around my waist, brushed out my long hair, and danced, touching each planet to bring it to life as the music soared. It was more magical than I can describe.

I was declared legally independent and emancipated at age 15. There are times “winning” feels like losing.

I graduated from Temple University in Philadelphia. Favorite memories are of the hours spent at the Rodin Museum.

I predict this post will garner about 12 notes and maybe 2 will actually read it all. I wouldn’t read it- it’s too long. But I’m rather tipsy and don’t care.

I associate almost everyone I meet (real and virtual) with a song in my head.

The explorer shelf of the library is probably my favorite - I have devoured many true stories of adventure and discovery, for some reason especially mid 19th-mid 20th century tales- Arctic, Amazonian…

Salut! Thanks for reading. And for the two who may read this, I suspect you’re also in the small group of friends who have been so supportive, especially recently as I so obviously and embarrassingly struggle. I am thankful. And I’m gaining.