Underneath the light of a full moon, a lone figure stood in the middle of the desert. He screamed in agony as the beast within brought him down to his hands and knees.
Full moons were always the hardest times to control the beast. After denying Shukaku blood for so long, he didn’t trust himself to stay in the village during this phase of the moon. He left midday and traveled far into the desert in the middle of nowhere, where he couldn’t hurt anyone if he were to lose control.
His resolve was starting to weaken as Shukaku kept thrashing within his mind, adding emotional attacks to the fight.
Why?! Shukaku roared, Why aren’t you obeying me? Don’t you want mother to love you? I’ll love you if you be a good boy and get back in that village, killing everyone in our path.
No! Gaara shouted back, I will not listen to you anymore, Shukaku. You cannot deceive me any longer. I know now you are not my mother, just some beast my father sealed inside me.
Damn it, boy! Shukaku thrashed harder, causing Gaara to double down in pain, Who’s been the one protecting you? Who’s been the one acknowledging you? It was me and only me! You have no one else, no one else would want a monster like you, but I embraced that part of you, I like that part of you.
Th-That’s not true, the boy tried to say, holding the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes.
Shukaku laughed at his misery, Of course it is and you know it. You’ve never had anyone, and you never will. Even that bitch of a mother didn’t want you, ya remember that? If you’re own mother can’t love you then who would? Certainly not Daddy Dearest who sealed me inside of you. You think if he really loved you he’d do that? Let’s not forget the second he deemed you worthless he tried to kill you.
By now, the tears were falling freely down his cheeks as an image of his recently deceased father, wearing that mask of disappointment and hatred on his face popped into his mind. He tried to shake it off, after all he had his siblings now, surely they wou-
You really think those cowards care about you? Shukaku asked, reading his thoughts. They don’t give a rat’s ass about you. Sure, they’re playing nice now, but who else played nice with you until they showed their true colors?
Gaara sobbed harder when he thought of the night his uncle, whom he thought truly loved him, tried to kill him in an attempt at avenging his dearly departed sister.
Shukaku continued to taunt him, How long do you think it’ll be before one of them try to kill you? Do you think they’ll team up? I bet they rather die together than live with you. At least then, they’ll get to see their uncle, their father, their mother, their family. And then here you’ll be, all alone.
The boy grabbed a fist of his red hair, tugging hard, They wouldn’t do that to me, they might be afraid of me, as I would be if I were them, but they said…
They said what? That they love you? How can they love someone they’re afraid of? How can they love someone who took their family away from them? You do know that’s what you did, right? You killed their mother, their uncle, and took their father away! If you weren’t such a disappointment, he wouldn’t have had to engage in such a shady deal with that Orochimaru character, he’d still be alive, the beast continued to torture him, making every part of his body ache with pain from his mind to his heart.
Being so entrenched in pain, he did not sense the presence of two people approaching him. He didn’t notice them until he felt two pairs of arms wrap around him from both sides.
Every part of him froze; his sobs halted, the tears stopped running down his face, and the voice inside his head disappeared. He looked beside him with wide eyes as he saw his siblings holding him.
“It’s okay, Gaara,” his sister said in the softest tone he ever heard her use.
He felt hand tussle his hair, “Yeah, we’re here,” his brother whispered.
Gaara stood with his mouth hanging open in shock. How did they know he was here? He didn’t tell anyone where he was going, and how did they even find him? He was in the middle of the desert, he didn’t even know where he was at this point.
The shock eventually wore off as he settled himself comfortably in his siblings’ warm embrace. Shukaku’s voice soon came back, but it was easier to ignore with his siblings by his side. They held him for the rest of the night, ultimately falling asleep with their little brother in their arms.
As the moon was being replaced by the sun, the voice in his head stopped, and the ache in his heart started to ease. He sat there, drinking in his siblings’ love, realizing the lies everyone, his father, his uncle, and Shukaku, had told him, were the furthest thing from the truth; he didn’t have to heal alone.
i just finished listening to Shadow Shaker, Vol. 1 (2017) by Fort Atlantic after @theblackknightofworcestershire answered my plea for more music and this album is INCREDIBLE!! i'll have to listen to it a couple more times, but when i have free time i will definitely be doing an album reflection for this record because it was genuinely delightful
