My very good friend said I should blog, I have before but never took it seriously. Like, who reads this anyway? Are you? Probably not. And do you even care? Do you? I doubt it. Yet here I am talking to myself or to you, if... you're even there. Growing up I was told that college is everything and I needed an education. Needed. But, did I want it at 18 or even 24? Not really. I wanted to have fun with my friends, who turned out to be not-so-great friends, nevertheless, I had a great time. I finally went to school at 28 years old. It was horrifying and so embarrassing. Sitting in class with a bunch of 19 year olds, (Que Kim Kardashian's voice) "Oh my God... I swear, this class is like so boring." "I don't even know what we're doing here." These people... bothered me and I am sure I bothered them with my side looks and eyebrow lifts. I got a great workout with my facial expressions, maybe that's why I don't have hardly any wrinkles. Anyway, junior college is not peachy, especially when you are a grown woman. But I did it and I did it with hardly a scratch, maybe a little bruised ego, but I eventually transferred to a Cal State. I quit my job to attend the final year of schooling, a good job that paid me well, a job that I held for 8 years. Education is the name, writing papers and analyzing old people's diaries is the game. Cal State went a lot quicker than I anticipated, a year in a half and I had my bachelor's degree. The sigh of relief, I cannot explain how that felt. It felt like a race in a way, rushing to the finish line with absolutely no water. Well, I got it, and maybe I didn't get it in English or Mathematics, maybe I didn't get my bachelor's degree in Science or Criminal Justice. At least, I got it. The minute I graduated, I thought... "What the hell am I going to do now?!" You see, this was the time of the great real estate bomb that blew up in everyone's face. People were without jobs, losing their homes, how can I smile and think that I will make a lot of money with this degree when there are ZERO jobs?! Back to freaking school I went. I was accepted into another Cal State for my graduate program, same major, same old, same old. This time around, I went in without a job, broke up with my boyfriend of 9 years, left my house behind, a lot of baggage came with me the first year of grad school. I thought I was going to be done in a year in a half. "Things" happened and I left for 6 months to find myself. I instead found the love of my life and came home to complete my degree. So... another year passes and I struggled. Grad school is not for the faint of heart, you have to be focused and work on your topic for at least a solid year before you write your thesis. And then you write your thesis and all hell breaks lose. You are an emotional wreck on the verge of either becoming an alcoholic or simply ready to jump off a roof with a black plastic trash bag attached to you, hoping you don't break your legs when you fall. My committee chair was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer right after my prospectus defense. I almost had a nervous breakdown, how can I finish this when he is sick, will he be okay, is he dying, am I dying, who is going to edit this, what am I doing???? Help arrived in a package of unexpected bliss. My friend and committee member stepped up and I finished my thesis. Defending it was the worst feeling in the entire world. I cannot describe it. To have three people sit in front of you that you admire and look up to critique your work extensively is tough to swallow. I don't even think I was breathing. I can honestly say, my last month of the graduate program, I was a huge pain in the ass and my boyfriend almost put his hand over my mouth while I was sleeping, at least I think, or not. Wait, did he? Fast forward, I graduated with my master's degree this year! Now, what society tells you to do and what your parent's tell you to do are the exact same thing, go figure. Get a degree or multiple degree's, you will get a great job! Um... tell me when that is supposed to happen? TELL ME! Waiting... where's the answer to that? How can people claim the importance of education yet they don't give the educated a chance for employment? "I'm sorry you need experience to work here." How can I get the experience if you don't hire me? "I'm sorry you are over qualified?" Oh, okay. I am left in a raft with no paddles, on a boat without a motor, sitting in a car with no gas... what am I supposed to do now? Get a PhD and really have no chance to obtain a job. Put myself into more debt with student loans? I need to work, I need money to live. I cannot depend on someone that probably hates me by now that I haven't found a job. I think I've applied for over 230 jobs. Not one call for an interview. Maybe 10-15 emails/letters saying thanks but no thanks. So, what is it that I am supposed to do now? Someone explain to me. I have done what I am supposed to do. Where is the reward? It the reward my education? I'd rather be working, thank you. As I sit here and type this ridiculousness -- I wonder, how many people out there are just like me? It's getting so bad, I don't even want to check my email. Every email I get I am hoping it is good news, it's just a damn ad for CVS or Victoria's Secret. Which I don't open Vicky's Secret because I don't need further reasons to be depressed. Let's face it, I don't open CVS either because I can't even afford a freaking toothbrush. Every call I get, I let it go to voicemail so I can call them back. Well, thanks for calling Nissan, I don't want a new car. You gonna give me a free one? Bye. I joke around because if I don't - I will fall in to the abyss. Stay tuned.
