There are some songs on my iPod that are beginning to become a nuisance. Most of them are songs I sent you, or you sent me back when we giddily flirted through songs. Christ how I wish that was a reality now.
I’ve been thinking about you a lot recently; you’ve even started coming to me in my dreams. I didn’t think you’d do that, not you. I guess I assumed that because of how we split, I’d have no reason to see you across the divide of consciousness. Turns out I’m wrong once again. Our mutual friend made a comment about you recently, well last month to be exact. It got me, it got me good Sugarpie. I was doing well for the past year, I thought that one comment wouldn’t tip the scales like it did. Well surprise, surprise; it fucked me up. Of course I think about you, I loved you more than anyone else in my life so it’s only natural to think about you every so often. I hope that’s normal at least. Either way, up until that comment I was doing well. Now you make cameos in my dreams. How hilariously ironic is this? I find it just plain sad. I wake with a pit in my stomach and a retching feeling. This post isn’t going as smoothly as I wished. It’s hard to explain and I wish I could see you again in our tiny bedroom with just a mattress on the floor. While I was in a rather bad place while living there, I loved living with you. I tried telling you this, but it was hard when all I could do is make sure I woke up the next day. I always conceded to you that I could have done more, and I wish I had. Though now it’s even more clear what I could and should have done. I wonder if you also realized that is was just the timing that was wrong, Hunniebunch. I now entertain the thought of what might have been if we met earlier, or later in our lives. Maybe then we could have made the promises we made to each other come true. “ You promised me everything, you promised me thick and thin. Now you just say, "Oh, Romeo, yeah, you know I used to have a scene with him"”
No matter, these are all conjectures and musings of a sorry man. I miss you Fox-chan. I loved you, and still do more than anyone else I’ve ever known.
