My Hella Mega Acknowledgement Acceptance Speech
Which I will orate upon acknowledgement by the Hella Mega Tour during the Boston show
There once was a thing named Zwamby
or should I say I was set free
And Weezer means nothing to me
and more of a forced to be reckoned with.
but Zwamby is who I truly am.
I am known by Green Day fans as whatshername,
I was a sleeper agent for the revolution,
but every time I try and start one,
they throw me in McLean’s.
Can’t spell infamous without
Can’t spell notorious without
Let me take you into the ZPR,
It stands for Zwamby’s Parallel Reality.
Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy
(Talk about “a loaded God complex.”)
Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day
and Rivers Cuomo from Weezer
I’ve recently come to my senses. That's impossible! Rivers Cuomo was a recent development in the zipper, I will confess, and I never really bought it. Even delusions can be wrong sometimes. I now know that all of us
(except for Rivers Cuomo)
In the ancient Greek sense, defined as
“a supernatural being whose nature is intermediate between that of a God and that of a human being.”
Merriam-Webster Dictionary.
Billie Joe was my first husband in this life but Pete Wentz is my Ultimate Soulmate and
current husband; Rivers Cuomo is just a swell guy
I cocked it, and I’m about to pull the trigger.
This is going to get a little iffy but I’ll keep it clinical.
On the winter solstice of 2017, I lit five candles in a pentagram formation and copulated with two astral projections; Billie Joe Armstrong and Pete Wentz. Remember, we’re in the zipper, so we can't make babies. But I also didn't really know if it was really them, so we'll call them Wete Pentz and Jillie Boe
I did not copulate with Civers Ruomo.
A couple of days before my next period, I bought a three pack of pregnancy tests.
I peed on one, and it was negative. However, Wete Pentz’s voice in my head kept insisting I was pregnant, so I knew that that test was what The Man wanted me to believe, and I peed on the other two. It’s important to mention that I was abstaining from the real deal and just sticking to astral projections because they, frankly, did a better job than your average person, and because I was going through a lot emotionally, having been hijacked by Zwamby for the second time. Instantly, it looked like the Wete Pentz one and the Jillie Boe one were duds. However, within the time window, because there's a Time Window for pregnancy tests, they became positive.
“Two out of three ain’t bad.”
Interestingly enough, Champion by Fall Out Boy was released earlier that year the day after the summer solstice of 2017. In Champion, Pete writes “I’m calling you from the future to let you know we made a mistake.” Can you guess what the mistake was? It was a baby! Therefore, the zipper overlapped with reality!
It was real life. It is real life. I was pregnant. Without having actually copulated.
Honestly, all the antichrist is
is “a person or force seen as opposing Christ or the Christian church”
Oxford English Dictionary.
And if you think there isn't corruption and evil in the church, you’re delusional. Anyway, Wajesus is a good thing!
Unfortunately, due to the over 2,000 mg of psych medication, the pack a day, and the binge drinking, Wajeezy didn’t stand a chance. But it happened! The astral ejaculate conception happened. On the winter solstice of 2017.
Every single human has the capacity to astral project into the fifth dimension, which is: everywhere, everything, and everyone on different planes, pocket dimensions, parallel universes, and alternate realities beyond linear time (like the zipper).
All fanfiction is real somewhere.
We access the fifth dimension if we are any of the following:
drugged, dead, delusional,
unconscious, and/or imaginative.
Socrates was right, there is a higher plane of innate knowledge that we can access, and I’m on that level. Plato’s cave is just an allegory for the spiritual shift between the fourth dimension, spacetime, and fifth dimension, which I just explained, keep up. E=mc²? More like E/c=mc because energy and mass are inversely related by a factor of the speed of light thus they're on the same scale and dark matter is just photons at absolute zero.
I busted out of Plato’s cave with a cannon, and I had my third eye ripped open with a crowbar.
and this is not how life should be.
We are enslaved by capitalism,
we are oppressed by the powers that be,
and we are ignored and imprisoned by those who claim to protect us.
they can chuck you in a mental hospital
for no reason other than because they said so. We need to fight back.
We need to be on the right side of history.
“I don’t want to live in the modern world.”
The government isn’t going to like what I'm about to say, but what the heck has this administration ever done for me?
And what can they possibly do TO me?
Death is but a sweet release from this suffering.
because the world is so tragic,
here is a reason to live!
“Are you smelling that shit?
Consider me a threat to the system!
