I support the your blog, but there is fine line between grouping together all Cis people or all Het people and calling them homophobes, or saying that they're all oppressive to the LGBTQA+ community. So why not just say that homophobes are the ones who you dislike, say that you wish you could change the views of people who support those types of people. My CisHet friends help to support the LGBTQA+ community, but it make them feel unwanted when people say they need to check their privilege.
I never called all straight people homophobes. So, you’re putting words in my mouth I never said. I have friends who are straight and I don’t think they’re all homophobes. I would not befriend a homophobe.
They are all oppressive though. Sort of like I am oppressive as a white person? Because they as a group have more power and benefit from that power, so they have to actively negate their privilege and fight the system to NOT be oppressive. Their default setting is oppressive. They tend to think of it as the opposite like: I have to go out of my way to be oppressive by being like Rick Santorum. NO, they have to go out of their way to not be homophobic in small but devastating and important ways and not just complacently benefit from heternormative society.
So that’s why I don’t focus on “homophobes I dislike.” In fact, I’ve pretty much given up on those people, so why would I focus on them? However, I have hope that people like your friends will see what I mean and will become better allies and work with us, which is why I talk about how well-meaning people reinforce homophobia in small ways all the time. Because I hope they will listen and cut it out. Although, in hindsight, Ill correct myself: I DO talk about and call out more serious homophobia all the time—but the fact of the matter is their subtler forms of homophobia are just as important and harmful: it's all part of the same system.
If they feel unwanted when people say check their privilege, then honestly I don’t want them. I want people who take this seriously and are humble and take criticism to heart and work on their faults and are constantly improving and working to better themselves as allies. That’s what I expect from cishet people who want to support the community. Otherwise? They hurt much more than they help.
I may be changing my tone somewhat moving forward to try to convince people like I talked about in a previous post, but some people are beyond convincing. I’m going to try to figure out who I can convince and who I can’t and how to frame my message, and I’m thinking about that a lot lately. But I have to be able to criticize the heteronormative power structure and how oppressive straight people are as a group. It’s not fair for straight people to expect silence and complacency from me just so they feel more comfortable in the community when this community was not for them in the first place anyway. And when society at large makes US uncomfortable and question ourselves all the time. And when the only way they can be of any help to us at all is IF they check their privilege.