(For full effect, please listen to this song while reading this post.)
Wolf sat on a stool in front of a white background. “Hi there, kids. My name’s Wolf O’Donnell, and I’m here to talk to you about a serious issue: Bullying.”
“As some of you might know already, a certain underwear-wearing monkey’s been trying to tear me down. Whether it’s denying me my favorite cookies, constantly insulting my job, bragging about beating me up, refusing to play against my loyal fanbase, being rude to my girl Akane, yeeting me into space when I offered him some refreshing respect women juice, saying I can’t possibly make friends... and what did I do to DK? Easy, I existed. Heck, I don’t even think Fox McCloud hates me that much, and he’s the one fighting me all the time.”
“Look, King Kong. I’ve been holding the high ground just by ignoring your crap, but I’ve got feelings too. You think I don’t have a heart? Words have power, monkey. At least I can admit I’m a bad person when I’m called one. Calling K. Rool fat doesn’t make you thinner, calling me a dumb lout doesn’t make you smarter or sophisticated. It just makes you look like a bully, and that’s not the ape I thought I knew.”
“Together, America Lylat World of Trophies multiverse, we can stand against bullying. If you’re getting what I’m saying, post #FreeWolf on your blog or whatever you kids do to make things go viral these days. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go eat a hot pocket and play with the kids.”
#FREEWOLF
