#frequenters

[identitymmp]

Photos of Susanna Valenti and other frequenters of Casa Susanna.

[rubyisrising]

"some people just need time"

seasons change and here we find ourselves

on the brink of summer again. late spring.

every place holds some memory or other,

and i find myself smiling with desperate fervour,

or silent with tears across my cheeks. in

another world, this spring would see the world

open out into new experiences rich with laughter

and light. maybe it will in this world, but not for

us. maybe for you and for me, but not for us. i sit on a concrete

block by the river, and think of one hot day in particular,

where the world came right and we seemed to fall

into simple colour. when dreams find me, they are laden

with words from over the years, so that "just boys, all the way

down" bleeds into "foretold in prophecy" into "wouldn't let

you sink" into a laughing cry of "laundry!" again and again,

my mind awash with this river of sounds akin to declarations

of care. i think "there is no going back" and i think "maybe

in another life" and i think "some people just need time". i think

"what if i'd made different choices" and i think "there is no

use in wishing" and i think "how lucky, that i had that then,

even if not now". i laugh in rehearsals and i squeeze

my friends' hands and i try to imagine repair. the sun is

softer and warmer and i swim in cool waters and strain to hear voices

singing with an old guitar. and i picture you, eating ice cream.

[rubyisrising]

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i don’t know when it

stopped feeling easy. but it

did, oh it did.

[rubyisrising]

Cerene

river flows gently.

comes into trouble downstream-

oh no! i’ve said too-

[jas-speaks-again]

i want to kill everyone and everything and mostly myself.

i know you’re having a time. i know it’s not fair of me. i know, i know, i know. but please. please.

[rubyisrising]

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i don’t want to, i

don’t want to, i don’t want to,

i don’t want to, but-

[rubyisrising]

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and with my final act

i hope to cause you less pain

than i have all the rest of the time.

the letters are posted.

and i love you.

i may not seem it, but

in my head, i am sending crabs.