#frickityfrackfrack

[royal-fuck-up]

7/25/19

Last week about I was having a ptsd-triggered panic attack. I went to the porch to get some air and try to calm down. I texted my boyfriend. He responded to my first text with just 'im sorry' and I was just trying to talk to him. Besides that one message he immediately stopped replying (so normal now, he just dissapears in the middle of a conversation every single time),and I didn't hear from him until waayyy later on.

I haven't forgot it. I won't.

When I was freaking out over finding old drug paraphernalia in my room, I texted him and he just kept making iv drug use. When I was freaking out in the doctor room waiting for a pregnancy test result (not pregnant, thank God), he was joking again.

I don't forget it. He is never there for me when I need him. Hell, he hardly messages me at all ever. And then when we hang out in person he's just on his phone. Boy just wants to fuck me and then ignore me. That's it.

I hate this. I don't love him I don't even fucking like him. He sucks. He's the worst. This shit feels so fucking hollow there's nothing here.

I mean I didn't like him to begin with, I was just bored and he was something to occupy myself for a bit. But now he's boring and frustrating and just such a waste of time and space man.

Fuck this

[royal-fuck-up]

No really. Im fucking amazing. Im incredibly smart, good at every school subject. Im so talented. I speak multiple languages because languages come easy to me. I play many instruments, my singing voice is great. I̶ a̶m̶ a̶ b̶r̶o̶k̶e̶n̶ p̶e̶r̶s̶o̶n̶ w̶i̶t̶h̶ z̶e̶r̶o̶ e̶m̶p̶a̶t̶h̶y̶ a̶n̶d̶ a̶ s̶e̶v̶e̶r̶e̶ g̶o̶d̶ c̶o̶m̶p̶l̶e̶x̶ w̶h̶o̶ i̶s̶ i̶n̶c̶a̶p̶a̶b̶l̶e̶ o̶f̶ m̶a̶i̶n̶t̶a̶i̶n̶i̶n̶g̶ a̶n̶y̶ s̶o̶r̶t̶ o̶f̶ m̶e̶a̶n̶i̶n̶g̶f̶u̶l̶ r̶e̶l̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶s̶h̶i̶p̶. I AM FUCKING AMAZING.

[royal-fuck-up]

Aggressive reminder that im a fucking god

[royal-fuck-up]

Hey im very tired. Icarus is really close hes talking alot but im here. Loud ick day. Im very very tired. My brain is fuzzy also im very high.

[royal-fuck-up]

I swear to god if i dont stop misgendering myself im giving myself the ass whooping id give anyone else who misgendered me this much

[royal-fuck-up]

If youre worried that you might have aspd, you dont fucking have aspd

[royal-fuck-up]

Mom is currently yelling at me because she complimented my big toe and I told her that was weird to say. "Why cant you ever just say fucking thank you youre so damn ungrateful I dont know why I ever do anything for anyone." I really genuinely hate her. She then was saying how she wishes she was like me (no empathy) because she says she has too much empathy and cares too much and she always gets screwed boohoo boohoo. You cant use empathy as an excuse for continually fucking yourself over. Its YOUR fault. Its not people screwing you over after you just give them so much out of your pure heart. Its you being a fucking moron giving people who you know dont care more than you have. ^^^^ mom sent my dad so much money that he spent on cigarettes and junk food that we dont have groceries and the trash pickup service hasnt come for a month because she hasnt paid the bill. And yet shes really now bitching about how she does so much for her kids and we never listen to her wisdom. We dont listen to your "wisdom" because youre a pretentious idiot.

[royal-fuck-up]

Could I go one day without having a Lil anger meltdown provoked just by other people existing? Thatd be so good