Back in 2010, I became best friends with this girl we'll call "Sam". Sam and I became fast best friends and even our moms were good friends, I did develop feelings for this girl HOWEVER, I never crossed a line with her and eventually lost those feelings but still remanded best friends (grade 9 btw). Over the years, we had many great times and helped each other out however we could, it was an balanced friendship, there was one summer where we hung out almost everyday because it was always fun, I helped her out when she was sad and she helped me when I was sad, made each other laughed etc., probably my best friend during highschool. She moved right before graduation but came back, one in a while talked (it was understood we had our own lives), I went to visit her 6 years ago, this was a 15 hour drive one way, my first real solo road trip, it was great getting to see an old friend. So this friend sam was someone where we would tell each other and others that we were best friends forever.
This summer however was different, at the start of the year I left an over 3 year long relationship heart broken, lonely, and at this point been dealing with depression for about 9 years which I was at one of my worst points, I fortunately had froends I could turn too, eventually started to get better not only from that situation, but also my battle eith depression in general, finally I talked to Sam again after a while of not talking (which is fine, life happens), talked about what has happen since we last talked, and also planned for me to come visit while on my road trip I planned that summer. While we caught up I talked about that I was excited about this trip, seeing my old best friend after 4 years, it was going to be great.
I get there its great, we hang out, get drunk/stoned together, talked about anything including her future wedding, going as far as me agreeing to be the photographer as a wedding gift, I meet her BF which we got along and all that good stuff.
Something to note here: after my relationship ended, I changed, in my opinion for the better, but I changed. I started smoking weed as a treatment for depression (which helped a great), grew out a mohawk I started to dyed (never did anything like that), started wanting to experience life more then I did ever, picking up guitar alittle, my attitude changed so I was still nice but didn't let people walk over me, being my true self and not worrying about others opinion etc., basically what needed to happen for me personally.
Now, before getting to her town I realized that I was doing better then Ive ever did in 9 years, super happy, a little quieter, but just me, happy.
On the last night, her seeing me happy and seeing that I'm more comfortable with myself, more at peace with myself, she turns to me and says "I can't do this anymore"
her: "this, i just can't"
me: *confused* "explain?"
her: "well you changed so much since highschool, and you been depressed since after highschool and I can't do it anymore"
me: "Ive been depressed basically the entire time Ive known you, ive changed for the better, and ive have been doing better now then i have in 9 years, so I dont know what you're talking about"
her: "okay but i still can't do it anymore, you're leaving here tomorrow morning anyways, when you get to Xcity, let me know and then were done, no more friendship"
me: "okay i can do that but i do agree with this since your reasoning makes no sense, but okay if thats what you want ill repect that"
so a best friendship of 9 1/2 years throw away, and the reasoning for it? ive changed since highschool and been depressed since highschool. But ive been depressed for way longer, was doing the best in mental health in years at that point, changed to be me more (expressing myself the way i want to), and didnt really talked about the problems ive been dealing with but instead how excited i was for my road trip and good times, so whats the point of this story?
2: if you're going to end a friendship, at least have it make sense, dont lie, just sit down with them and talk about it all
3: if its a toxic friendship then yeah, drop them like bricks, but a healthy friendship, sit down and talk about it. Make it so that both parties are in an understanding and theres no unleft questions
basically, don't hype someone to come visit you, talk about being apart of your wedding, having a grand time and all that jazz and then drop them as a friend fir no good reason, it can really fuck them up.
ive dropped people as friends yes, but any friend ive dropped was cause of toxic/shitting behavior that I cant look pass. The only other way ive stopped being friends with someone is by drifting away, life getting to us. we out grow friends yes, but don't hype and make plans and say "youre one of my best friends" and pretend to care to listen to there problems then drop suddenly with an awnser that leaves more questions than awnsers.
Even though this has bother me, I am glad that it happen, it seemed that i was always the one to reach out to say hey, and she never visited me, the thing that never changed with me was 1: being a nice person, 2: i will put effort in a friendship i have with someone, eben if its little, but some sort of effort.
I guess she dropped me as a friend, but i didnt realize until it happen that, i outgrew her.
I guess the main point of this is, I just needed this off my chest, Im doing okay just regardless, needed to type this out
