hi so i have been rotating this in my mind for yonks and i finally wrote it all out in a messy sort of way lol.
swimming pool by the front bottoms is the most theo raeken song possibly ever. walk with me now
There's comfort in the bottom of a swimming pool
pre-hell theo would practise his skating in the bowl of an empty swimming pool. completely alone in the dead of the night cuz hes normal like that. the symbolism of the empty, stagnant swimming pool vs the moving water of the creek that he drowned his sister tara in accentuates how hes still so stuck on that after all these years and it isnt going anywhere, the water is only going to sour and drain and hes the only thing left after its all gone.
I'm holding my breath for you
he never let himself fully breathe (read: live, or express his emotions in any way) after tara, always being on edge and having all his walls up, never being the same gentle boy he once was, the one that stiles knew he killed.
There's no doubt in my mind that if you could then you would try
To crack my ribcage open and pull my heart right through
this ones pretty heavy handed. in hell he experienced essentially a time loop nightmare where hed wake up in the morgue and run from tara and every time she would catch him, plunge her hand through his chest and rip his heart out. eventually he stopped running, telling her to take it. its hers, after all.
But I'm a creature of a culture that I create
hes the original chimera, he was the one putting together his ‘pack’ piece by piece with the dread doctors. he hates himself for it, hates that he became a monster, hates that he did it of his own volition. he signed his own fate the moment he decided to kill tara.
I'm the last one on the dance floor
As the chandelier gives way
he was the only chimera that survived everything (except hayden and corey, though hayden technically didnt survive), the only one of them left standing after the doctors resurrected la bête, there to watch it all crumble before him as he kills scott and ‘wins’.
And I am permanently
Preoccupied with your past
now we’re getting into the thiam lol. as seen in the zoo sequence, theo is so attuned to liams thought processes and is the only one that really knows how to deal with him. he helps liam through his flashbacks, not treating him as fragile or as a monster because he knows on a level no one else does.
I've been around long enough now
To know that the good things never last
They never last
well. the chimera pack all died or left. he spent all those years trying to build his pack for it all to be for nothing, sending him to hell to repent for what he did in order to have his own pack, his own family.
There's comfort in the silence of a living room
The TV is on for you
this bit is a lot more fanon-y? not as exact. i see this as liams way of reaching out to theo post-hell, sharing silence because they just Get each other, liam leaving ‘the tv’ on for theo, letting him know that theres a place for him in his pack, while the domesticity of the act is terrifying to theo who doesnt remember how to be part of a family, doesnt know how to live in a house, let alone a home.
Hide in your basement while your house burns down
they both have a tendency to linger in their trauma instead of healing or escaping. theyd both rather feel guilty forever than move on.
Your teeth are loose inside of your gums
They will eventually fall out
the inherent body horror of lycanthropy. the even more intense body horror of being a chimera. having fangs. yeah. this ones kinda vague.
Follow an orange extension cord under a carpet, to a closet door
i read this often as liam finding the train tracks in the town when the wild hunt crosses over into beacon hills, but i think it can also be theos morbid curiosity of the supernatural and the human body’s capabilities and limits leading into-
Feeding the black light that will someday make me very, very, very, very, very rich
-this part, the black light being his and the doctors’ research making them rich in knowledge and theo rich in his having a pack (of course this doesnt work out for either of them) the irony of him being so sure it would work out (very, very, very, very) and it all failing worse than he could have comprehended.
How low is your self esteem
And how low could it possibly be?
I know, I know you're in love with me
And I've been ignoring you
i always hear this as theo saying it to liam, asking what the hell must be wrong with him for liam to forgive theo and love him despite everything he did. theo knows liam loves him, hes an expert on reading people and chemosignals, how could he not know. he doesnt want him to love him, he doesnt want to be loved, he wants to suffer and repent and run away but instead he stays put, not exactly pushing liam away but not bringing him any closer than necessary, even ignoring liams yearning because he cares so much about liam.
I will stop cutting my pants into shorts
I will address the issues I cannot ignore
And I will do the things I think you might like
And I will be alone probably the rest of my life
this is theo accepting his ‘fate’. he wants to change, he will not and *cannot* be the same theo as before hell. he is going to do everything he can to protect liam and asks for nothing in return. as in literally, he doesnt want liam to give him anything back because he doesnt deserve it. theo resigns himself to his solitude, but he might be okay with it as long as he gets to make it up to people, even though he knows he never will, not really. not in any way that counts.
so yeah! those are my Thoughts. i have many more, there are so many emo and midwest emo songs that are so very very thiam coded, this one just feels like it was written specifically for theo and it makes me insane. :)
