#frustrated parent

[kidsinthishouse]

7am: Good morning, angel. I love you so much. I would die for you.

10am: I'm one tantrum over the wrong color bowl away from listing you on eBay.

1pm: I take it back. You're the coolest kid in the world and I never wanna stop playing Magnatiles with you.

4pm: Holy fuck, 8:30 can't come fast enough.

Rinse, repeat.

[granonine]

Temporary Goodness

Hosea 6:4. “O Ephraim, what shall I do unto thee? O Judah, what shall I do unto thee? for your goodness is as a morning cloud, and as the early dew it goeth away.” When I was 10, 64 years ago, we moved from Minnesota to Portland, Oregon. The climate is milder out there than I was used to. I especially enjoyed knowing that there were clouds early in the morning, they would be gone before noon.…

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[reachablewellness]

What I Wish I Would Have Known... Homeschooling

What I Wish I Would Have Known… Homeschooling

So, I finally completed my first year of homeschooling. I have to report my child is not broken, was challenged, had days where he missed school, and got to experience things he otherwise wouldn’t have had in the system. Through the many unexpected surprises and financial obstacles of this past year to the increase in working; I still must say the I enjoy the freedom homeschooling brings. But I…

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[reachablewellness]

Good Days and Bad Days

Good Days and Bad Days

Even with a plan, motivation, and an open mind; not all days will be smooth sailing. Some days will go perfectly. Your child will complete the work you give them without complaining, they will also seem interested in new topics and the idea of learning, and you will complete the necessary work for the day. Other days you might wonder why you are responsible for children in the first place and how…

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[generalbriefing-blog]

So a few months ago, my child's second grade teacher started assigning two and three digit math problems on the computer math program the district uses called IXL. Mind you, she had not yet taught the children how to do these problems in class. I, of course, found this counterintuitive, but I did the teacher's job (again) and taught my child regrouping using the traditional carry method. My child caught on quickly and has been successfully using the method for months. Now, the teacher wants to introduce this new common core method. She sends a worksheet home with a problem and no instructions. My child told her she didn't understand in class. The teacher did not help her because she says my child wasn't paying attention. That very well may have been the case since my child has been successfully adding two digit and three digit numbers for months and couldn't understand why she had to learn another, longer way to do the same thing. Still, I don't know why that prevented the teacher from providing instructions for parents who have never seen this method so we can help our kids in the reinforcement stage. You can't complain about the lack of parent involvement in their kids' education process and screw me out of properly helping my kid at the same time. It don't match. I sent her a note. We'll see. Side note: This same teacher got irritated with my kid for writing a letter that was in accordance with military regulation because that's what she sees at home, but failed to give me an example of how this school system is writing letters (not MLA style) so I can make sure she was doing it right EVEN THOUGH I ASKED!! Also same teacher who told me, when I asked why she did not inform me about low test scores, that she thought that was the type of student my child was. The scores were D range. My child has consistently been a B+ student. I reported her.

[parentingtoolbox]

How to Stop or Deal with Backtalk and Talking Back in Teens Children and Kids

As a parent, sometimes it seems like your day is filled with an endless stream of backtalk from your kids—you hear it when you ask them to do chores, when you tell them it’s time to stop watching TV, and when you lay down rules they don’t like. It’s one of the most frustrating and exhausting things that we deal with when we raise our kids.

  “Your job as a parent is not to get your child to accept the rationality of your decisions. You just need them to follow the rules.”

  Backtalk comes from a sense of powerlessness and frustration. People don’t like to feel powerless, and that includes children. So when kids are told “no” they feel like something’s been taken from them. They often feel compelled to fill that empty space with backtalk. I want to make the distinction here between backtalk and verbal abuse, because many times people confuse these two very different things. If your child has started saying hurtful or harmful things, the line between backtalk and verbal abuse has been crossed. For instance, if a child is cursing you, calling you names or threatening you, that’s verbal abuse. If your child is saying, “This isn’t fair, you don’t understand, you don’t love me,” that’s backtalk.

Verbal abuse is a very negative behavior and has to be dealt with aggressively and up front. It’s not that backtalk is harmless, but it’s certainly not as hurtful and hostile and attacking as verbal abuse is. For parents who are dealing with verbal abuse in their home right now, rest assured that we’ll be addressing this topic in an upcoming article.

Backtalk itself can take several forms. One is the kid who can’t keep quiet, no matter what you say: he or she has got to have the last word. And then there’s the child who wants you to understand their point after you’ve already said “no.” It’s easy for kids to get into the mindset of, “If I could just explain it better, you’d understand my situation.” So you’ll get kids who present their problem or request repeatedly in the hopes that their parents will give in and respond to it. If their parents don’t give them the answer they want, those kids will then try to re-explain, as if the parent doesn’t understand. Often, as they launch into their explanation for the third or fourth time, the child and the parent will both get more frustrated until it ends up in an argument or a shouting match.

Don’t Respond to Backtalk: You’ve already set the limit Why do parents react to backtalk after they’ve already won the argument? I think parents often see it as their job to respond to their children: to teach, train and set limits on them. And backtalk is an invitation to do just that. Just as the child re-explains things to the parent if they’re told “no,” the parent “talks back” and re-explains things to their child. So the parent’s mindset seems to be, “If you really understood what I was saying, you wouldn’t talk back to me—you’d accept my answer.” Let me be clear here: That’s not a rational mindset. It leads parents into attending and prolonging arguments in which they don’t need to engage. Parents sometimes see backtalk as a challenge to their authority, but as long as you accomplish your objective, the fact is that your authority is fully intact.

Here’s an example:

Your child: “Can I stay out until 10 tonight?” You: “No, because you have to get up early tomorrow for soccer practice.” Your child: “Who cares? I don’t need that much sleep.”

You should stop right there. Any conversation you engage in after that is meant to convince your child that you have sound judgment. Know this: that’s the wrong objective because it addresses a completely different issue—whether or not you made a good decision. So once you give a reasonable explanation for the rule you’ve stated, your job is done. You can repeat it again if need be. You’ve already won the fight. But when you try to convince your child that you’re right and they continue to challenge you through backtalk, you’re just going to get more frustrated. Your job as a parent is not to get your child to accept the reasonableness and rationality of your decisions. You just need them to follow the rules. Look at it this way: when a cop stops you for speeding, he doesn’t care if you think that 35 miles an hour is too slow. He just tells you what the law is. If you argue with him, he repeats what the law is. If you don’t accept it, he hands you your ticket and walks away. If you become verbally abusive, he arrests you. Try to think of yourself as the cop here—you’re the parent making the rules, and your child needs to accept them or pay the consequences.

Shutting Down Backtalk: The Plan In order to put a stop to backtalk, there are several things you have to do. First of all, when things are good, sit down with your child and lay down some ground rules. Discussions about these rules are critical to good communication and to cooperation down the road. I guarantee that you’ll feel better as a parent if you set up rules and follow them with your children. Your goal then becomes following the ground rules instead of trying to achieve your child’s acceptance. The first rule is, “I’ll explain something once and I’m not going to talk more after that. If you try to argue or debate, I’m going to walk away. If you follow me or if you continue there will be consequences.” You set limits on backtalk and you don’t give it power.

Another option is to set up a certain time of day in which your kid can talk back to you. You can say to them, “From 7-7:10 p.m., you can ask me to re-explain all my decisions. Save it for then. If you need to, write it down in a journal. Then at 7 o’clock, we’ll sit down and I’ll explain to you why you can’t date a 22 year old or how come you got grounded for smoking. But at 7:15, our discussion is done. If you try to keep it going there will be consequences.” That way, if you feel like you want to give your child an outlet to air his or her grievances, there’s a way to do it without getting bogged down in constant arguing.

Remember, there are two kinds of days that a kid has: there are good days and then there are days when things don’t go their way. Don’t try to fight the tide of disappointment that kids experience. They will use backtalk to get their way, but as a parent, you have to accept the fact that they will not always be happy with your decisions. Your job is to set the rules and enforce them because those roles are for your kid’s development and safety. Whether they like those rules or not, they have to learn to live with them.

via empoweringparents.com

Ron Huxley Respects: I have a lot of respect for James Lehman's Total Transformation Program. Give him a look see and join our Parents "Inner Circle" for even more parenting help.

[babocush]

My sister Kim Constable sent me this and it really made me think about school days all those years ago and that feeling of panic as the teacher was about to move on to the next stage of a subject, just as I was getting my head around what we were just supposed to have learnt.

The frustration with myself for being 'slow' and with the teacher for maybe rolling their eyes or just giving off that 'vibe' of 'why can't you just understand?'

I've learned over the years, when talking to children, it’s not what you say, but how you say it which has an impact on them.  Children can sense our frustration or joy, in fact, whatever mood we're in, our children are very aware of, even tiny babies.  

Think about this the next time your baby is grumpy or won't stop crying - take a moment to stop and ask yourself, 'how am I feeling inside?' because it's what's inside that counts.  You can be smiling and joyful on the outside, but if that's not what you're feeling on the inside then everyone - babies, adults, even dogs and other animals will sense it.

Think about how we talk to our children when they've behaved in a way that frustrates us.  We would never talk to a friend or even a stranger the way we sometimes talk to our precious children, and they don't deserve it, they're probably behaving that way because of us - we are always so busy but our children often aren't and all they want is a bit of attention.  

The next time your child is angry or grumpy, instead of reacting with impatience, drop what you're doing, give them a big bear hug and tell them you love them so so much and that you can see they've something on their mind which you'd love to help them with. 

I've come across so many families whose children don't open up to them and talk about what's on their mind, because the parent's reaction is always the same - 'don't be silly' or 'just smile and try to be happy for goodness sake' or you're being melodramatic'.

Children find it difficult to put into words, what's on their mind, in a way in which the parent will understand, so instead they bottle it up.  It's our responsibility as parents to be there for our children and give them the confidence they need to talk about what's on their mind without fear of being ridiculed or not taken seriously.