get to know me on our first date w/ tovie...sort of
What are you the most proud of?
Makin’ somethin’ of myself. I have a job, a business. A living. I mean, I didn’t get an education or anything, and honestly, I was really fuckin’ scared for a long time. But I did somethin’, y’know…If my family ever needed help, I could do somethin’.
What are you the most ashamed of?
I’ve been in the slammer. Twice. For battery. Y’know, just the run-of-the-mill girlfriend cheated on you so you beat the dude halfway to death. Got eleven months for it. Second time ‘round I got thrown in for, uh, gettin’ into another fight. Pulled a knife. Nothin’ serious, it was just a damn scratch. Had to do a year for that.
If you could go back and change one decision in your life, what would it be?
I’m not gonna say the prison shit. I mean, I honestly don’t regret any of it. I did what I needed to do. I had my reasons for doin’ what I did and I ain’t sorry about it. And I’ve always had my reasons for what I do.
What is your biggest dream in life?
Would you believe me if I said I wanna start my own family one day? Men like me shouldn’t, we’re no good for that sorta stuff. But I want to. I wanna teach someone what not to do. I want kids, I wanna take care of someone for the rest of my life. I want a family to take care of for the rest of our lives. I want all of that.
What difference would it make in your life if you felt completely safe, accepted, and loved?
I feel loved. I know my parents love me. And I’m forever grateful, but love isn’t enough. I dunno. I really don’t know, I guess. I don’t think I’d ever be able to feel completely safe or accepted in life. Life don’t work that way. For me at least. Maybe I wouldn’t be half the callous bastard I am now.
Do you think your parents did a good job raising you while you were growing up? Why or why not?
Oh, man, yeah. I’m just sorry it don’t show as much, but they did a damned good job raisin’ me. My mom is a superhero, she’s done things I didn’t ever think a human had the capability to do. She did—and still does—a lot for me. Too much. My parents were good to me. They were understanding when I wasn’t. They were patient when I wasn’t. They were calm when I wasn’t. No matter what, they supported me and stood by me through all the shit. It wasn’t easy for them, but they did.
What’s one thing that you wish people understood about you?
Nothin’. There’s not a thing. I don’t give a fuck anymore. I think it’s a waste of time tryin’ to get people to understand you. You either understand or you don’t. Why do I have to make that effort on someone else’s behalf? They all come to either conclusion: you’re good or you’re bad. Fuck that. My depths are infinite and limitless. I have my own world, my own reality, my own laws, my own visions and it’s nobody’s business.
What is your biggest flaw?
My temper. I…I get angry. And I never know when to stop. I don’t know how to stop. I almost don’t want to stop. The anger turns to fire and…I’m on fuckin’ fire. And I’ve burned everything clean.
What event in your life has shaped you most as a person, and how did it do so?
I think the second time I got locked up, I guess. Because there shouldn’t have been a second time. And there sure as hell wasn’t gonna be a third time.
Have you ever treated a person in a way that you regret?
I do, yeah. It won’t do me no good to dwell on it, but yeah, I have. I should have been better, but I wasn’t.
Do you think it’s possible for men and women to be “just friends?”
Yeah, totally. Not everyone is tryna fuck each other. And if you are, you’re a fuckin’ weirdo. Maybe, sometimes, someone’s gotta check themselves or the other, but yeah, why not?
Would you rather be rich and lonely or financially destitute with lots of great family and friends? Why?
There’s no question when it comes to money or family. Money, too, can’t do what family does for you. I don’t give a fuck about no riches. Money hasn’t ever been able to buy me what I want and need in life. I’ve seen what money has done to people…and I thought I was an asshole. I get that it’s important, but so long as I have enough to make ends meet, I’m ok.
Tell me about something you did when you were drunk that you’ve never confessed to anyone.
Fuck, man. You take this to the grave with you, okay? I don’t remember how old I was, I think I was like twenty or somethin’, but I got shitfaced home alone and, uh, tried on a pair of my ma’s heels. For what fuckin’ reason, I couldn’t tell you. I walked around, danced, ended up breakin’ the damn things, tossed ‘em out, and never said a word about ‘em again.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be and why?
I know I should say my temper, but honestly, sometimes it feels good. I feel in control and I feel like it’s the thing to do. It’s like a high almost, if you can believe...I get my way, I get my point across. People listen. Am I wrong for this? I’m not sayin’ I’m perfect...far from, but I don’t wanna change nothin’ about me. I do want superpowers, though. Shapeshiftin’. I wanna shape-shift into a woolly mammoth.
If you knew you would die tomorrow, how would you spend today?
I’d stay here...right here…all night, roll a blunt and listen to all our favorite songs one last time.
Are you truly happy? And why or why not?
I have the life I want, a job I want, a roof over my head, food to put in my mouth three times a day — stability. I should be happy, right?
Have you ever been in love? And how do you know? What was it like for you?
Yeah. I thought I was goin’ fuckin’ crazy. It was torture, but good. I knew because I realized I’d do anything for her. Anything she ever asked of me, I’d do for her no matter what. I’d give her anything I could. I cared about her happiness more than my own.
When you’re home alone, and nobody else is around, how do you like to spend your time?
I’m always home alone. Readin’, listenin’ to loud music, cookin’ and eatin’.
What do you want people to say at your funeral?
Nothin’. Just play Hell Ain’t a Bad Place to Be by AC/DC.
If you could have a conversation with anyone living or dead, who would it be and why?
Lemmy Kilmister. He’s a musician and rocked fuckin’ balls out hard till the very end. I mean, truly the biggest and baddest motherfucker in rock ‘n roll history. A fuckin’ legend.
Do you think you’re a genuinely good person? And why or why not?
I don’t, no. I’m a selfish bastard. I don’t do a lot of good and never for any other reason than my own. I just don’t care. You’re on your own in this world.
How did you choose your current profession?
I started tattooin’ when I was sixteen. The first time I saw a tattoo was when I was about twelve or thirteen. Half sleeve done on a family friend of a dragon. It was black and red and I was fuckin’ blown away, I thought it was the coolest thing ever. And then I thought that I could do somethin’ like that but better. So I went to a studio, told ‘em that I wanted to draw on people too, got signed up for an apprenticeship when I turned sixteen and been doin’ it ever since.
If money were not an issue, how would you spend your time each day?
Still doin’ what I do. I love my work. It keeps me alive, it keeps me sane. If money wasn’t a thing, I’d do what I do for free. Gonna keep workin’ till my hands can’t carry a pen anymore.
Tell me about your political leanings.
I’ll always vote liberal, but these days nobody is on the side of the people. Even when people are on the same side, they’re not. Fuck politics. It’s all hateful shit anyway.
What’s one thing that you do on a regular basis that you hate doing, but nobody knows that you despise doing it?
Calming clients down before I start workin’ on ‘em. I get it’s somethin’ I need to do, but fuck, man, like it’s a fuckin’ tattoo, what’d you expect? You chose to get one and this shit don’t look easy. Get your shit together, I don’t got all day.
