Jun 8
man, i should start bringing in my plushie to work so that i can knead my anxiety away usin my little paws. had to take an extra dose of my meds and i'm Feeling Good but lowkey i can't do my work like this lmaoooo.
seen from Yemen
seen from United States
seen from Yemen
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Yemen
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Bosnia & Herzegovina
seen from Canada
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from Japan
seen from United Kingdom
seen from United States
seen from Canada
man, i should start bringing in my plushie to work so that i can knead my anxiety away usin my little paws. had to take an extra dose of my meds and i'm Feeling Good but lowkey i can't do my work like this lmaoooo.
one of our alters is now suddenly a rat instead of a bat and we just said "oh he's a rat now" out loud at work. normal hours truly.
me at work: everything is awful and i wanna gnaw on my own bones
also me at work, after remembering i have soft little critter paws: haha, yayayayay!
it's great fun being schizospec because sometimes it can mean shoving yourself into a cabinet to hide from The Cyborgs at 3am, but it can also just mean listening to a song and having it sound like you're smelling an old guy's sweat stained shirt while he's ranting about some political thing or whatever and he used to be a hippie but nowadays would be lucky to count himself as a neoliberal. or something. idk. senses are weird when ur attachment to reality is perpetually hanging on by a thread, esp when u factor in dissociation.
Has anybody else experienced an unwanted and sudden shift in how your headspace self appears? I suddenly have breasts as of like 2 days ago and... idk how to feel about it. Actually, I know exactly how I feel about it, I fucking hate it dude. My headspace self is now just wearing a dysphoria hoodie everywhere and it's making me aware of my actual physical breasts even more. I formerly had top surgery scars in headspace but it's just been reversed??? This is very confusing and upsetting, anybody else have any input on how I can revert my it back to how I want it??? I can still picture my old body, it just feels like it's not me anymore. The only working theory I have is that this is blending from one of my female headmates who I recently became close friends with, our collective has always been rather fucky and blurry like that with a lot of passive influence.
It's so weird being in this floaty dissociative trance we're in rn. Like. Time feels like it's moving so slow and then I Blink and 45 minutes have passed. Woag.
what do you do when you hate your boobs but also your female alters will never let you get top surgery? like genuinely what is it that you do? idk. the dysphoria demons are haunting me ever since i saw a pic of a transmasc topless this morning and feeling jealous of him. and just confronting the reality that i may never be able to experience that. even if i found a place that was willing to let me be topless i don't think i would feel comfortable with it.
sometimes being a system just means getting blasted with a sudden desire and all ur memories of wanting to play warframe. #real but we're at work buddy we can't do that rn.