I haven’t really talked much about what’s been going on with me physically. But I guess I need to now.
After three weeks of severe pelvic and back pain plus months long nipple pain, last week, I had a transvaginal ultrasound that showed thickened endometrial lining and excess fluid in my cervix. My uterus is also retroverted and retroflexed (see below image).
Basically my uterus looks like the bottom right photo. It also has pushed my cervix so that it sits right on top of the vagina - so basically whenever I have sex, the guy hits my cervix.
This explains everything about why sex is ALWAYS painful for me. Every time. It’s NEVER ONCE been physically enjoyable. The best I’ve gotten is “not very painful.” All my adult life I’ve told doctors that I cry and can’t walk after sex and I’ve been told that I should change positions or that “sometimes women just don’t enjoy sex.” Nobody bothered to tell me that my tilted uterus could cause it, nor did they bother to do an ultrasound that showed that it’s also retroflexed. Apparently they can fix this with laparoscopic surgery if it’s determined there is enough pain to warrant it. I’m going to push to have it done. I want to enjoy sex and not have horrible back cramps.
So anyway. After the imaging came back, they recommended I get an appointment to have a pelvic exam done ASAP to find out exactly what things look like in there, which I have tomorrow, and then Tuesday I have to have a mammogram for the breast pain. The word cancer was mentioned. I’m sure it’s just a CYA thing, but hearing that word in any context ever is horrifying.
I am 35 years old this month. I want this to be fixable. I want it to be something stupid and normal. I want my body to not be broken. And I certainly would like to find out that this isn’t indicative of cancer. Please, if you’re the praying kind, pray that it’s all just hormonal and can be fixed with surgery or a pill or something. Because right now I’m scared and don’t know how not to be.
