Ain’t shit just a pain in the ass
You won’t or you will but I think that my situation is bad , not worst or the worst but bad and somehow people wouldn’t understand how bad this shit really feels except those who are getting through similiar shit like me.
Yeah, so I am gonna be a bitch. Yeah, so I stopped caring for people. Yeah, I got so disappointed in life and I keep getting disappointment thrown at my face and as much as I think that it can’t get worse. It get’s even worse. Like wow, I have had done something really bad in my past life for universe and God to treat me this way because at this point I am gonna break down and start crying because my heart is so fucking fragile that I don’t want it anymore.
God, I just see those people who complain about the smallest of things. Like you’re not going through the same shit I do, so why the fuck do you have such a bigass opinion on me?! You don’t know what my nights are like. You don’t know what my head is like. You don’t know how much I am aching inside. You don’t even know how dead I feel inside but even tho I feel so dead, I feel so much and it’s eating me so much. It’s eating me.
I am trying so hard to just try looking on the bright but that shit is so hard when everything around you is so fucking dark and it keeps getting darker somehow.
Like, man...I pretend so much that I’m fine. I pretend like my life is normal but in the end it’s so far away from normal and it’s draining me. It’s draining my energy and it’s draining my mental health like a leech.
Life shouldn’t be like this. Life shouldn’t be about tackling life so long. Why did God give me this? Why does universe keep throwing shit at me like I am so strong to take it. No! I used to be strong. I used to be so strong but that kid doesn’t exist anymore. Not since 2016. She does not exist. She’s gone and yeah I wish she would come back but she’s just not going to.
God, to think she was so ambitious and so full of dreams and hopes and now she’s behind this laptop crying, feeling so broken with a big lump in her throat, trying not be heard her crappy family members. God, why? Why do I feel so goddamn pathetic and useless. Why am I still here? I am clearly just one life too much. My fmaily has made that clear one too many times. What do you expect me to do? What? What should I do? Where- how- ?
This is just so much for me. It has always been too much for me to handle and I tried but I can’t anymore. I just can’t do this anymore. It’s too hard. I don’t want to feel like this all my life. Life shouldn’t be a battle. Life shouldn’t give you this. I don’t want to fight for happines for one. I just want to be happy. I want to get happiness like people do. I want to be in better and good situations people are. And don’t tell me they are not because they are. They have a great fucking life. They just fucking whine like pussies.
