The Meercute meetcute:
I was chilling after I just spent so fucking long diggin' a tunnah. Most beautiful tunnah I ever dug, if I do say so myself. I just performed my last scurry, sniff, FLINCH--!! Of the day. So there I was, relaxing in my own fuckin' house. And then, the ceiling above me started to crack. I went, "Aw hell fucking no. I KNOW I used all the mud and clay around every bend. There ain't no way." And then, it hit me......
No really, this fuckass thing fell into my house and landed on top of me. So I'm screeching like "AYO?! WHAT'S GOIN' ON HEERE??!" I got up and dusted myself off, and looked at whatever the fuck just ruined all my hard work.
Ohh bitch... It's another fucking meerkat. Nah, NAH. It's THAT FUCKASS MEERKAT. Timon the fuckin' tunnel klutz in my goddamn house.
I'm like, "Man, what the fuck. This my goddamn house."
And you know what this dumbass hoe says to me?
"Well, now it has a skylight! You're welcome."
....OOOOOOOOUGGHHHH BITCH. I DONE NEARLY STRANGLED HIM RIGHT THERE AND THEN.
But then.... I saw his stupid ass smirk. His bitchy expression. That's one smug motherfucker, I think to myself.
"Skylight. Yeah. Real nice."
He's still looking at me with that fuckass expression, most punchable face I've ever seen in my whole meerkat life.
As he gets up, I notice... this BITCH LANDED ON MY FUCKIN FRIDGE.
".....Bitch." I say, softly. "My fucking fridge....."
He dusts off a grub that his FATASS killed, and gives me a fruity stare.
"Here, I saved ya one, toots. A grUUHBUH--!" I snatch that fuckin' grub away from him and pimp slap his hand like it owed me money.
"Timon, get the fuck outta my house."
Fruity ass stare and that fuckass smirk, he shoots finger guns at me like he the most smooth ass motherfucker in the room.
"Haha...haah..... Welp! Guess I'll get goin' then!" This bitch starts climbing out the hole-- oh sorry, FUCKNING "SKYLIGHT" he made in my ceiling.
"Timon."
He pauses and I swear to God, I wanna wipe that stupidass smirk off his face with MY FIST.
"Yes?~~~~"
"You better fix my fucking ceiling."
"Will do! Just means I have an excuse to come back~"
And with that, he was gone.
I look at the damage around me and let out a big ass motherfuckin' sigh.
"Dumb bitch..." The faintest hint of affection— buried deep beneath the aggravation. I look at the grub that he flattened with his fatass. The curve of his fat ass is indented in it. "...Motherfucker better get me more food too. Hoe be trifling."
/The end.
