#fudgey world problems

[felheimragna]

i feel like im the only one who like

when they make fcs they stick to canon as closely as possible and take a lot of time and research so they do so

ie fantrolls with thoughtout thematics (consellations, names, fitting blood colors) and serious research into troll society and culture so their actions and personalities are fesable/using said painstakingly researched personality to craft the most accurate and fitting god tier and land and quest ect

or madoka fcs that have a legitimate need to be a magical girl/fitting cause of despiration/cleanly worked on story and themes and powers and ect that would fit in the madokaverse

idk i feel like im the only one who does that sometimes and when i see people being like 'hey im not in this fandom but hes mymutantblood fantroll with clothing making them easy to spot and pretty much no personality or backstory' and it gets a bazillion notes here and favs on dA i just

?????????????????????????????

[felheimragna]

if i was born a cis male id not only be happier but id be ableto accomplish more in my life because i wouldnt be stepped on like fucking garbage just because i have a fucking uterus i dont even want

[felheimragna]

i wish i was cis i wish i was cis i wISH I WAS CIS I WISH I WAS CIS I WISH I WAS CIS I W I S H I  WA S C I S

[felheimragna]

on one hand i wanna be male but on the other alex is the most important thing in my life and i dont wanna lose him

what do

[felheimragna]

seeing people i love being hard on themselves is something thats really really hard for me to watch

all these wonderful people who mean so much to me think so little of themselves is like

ugh

especially the ones whove helped shape me to be who i am; like i literally wouldnt be who i am without them

theyre the ones who made me realize i had the potential to be a helper and a healer and to help ease their pains and burdens

thats something im tremendously proud of myself for and i couldnt of saw that in myself without all the ups and downs that ive shared with these wonderful people and i couldnt thank them enough ever

i love them so much

and seeing them think so little of themselves when they mean the world to me makes me feel physically sick sometimes

[felheimragna]

everythings starting to get to be so hard and difficult to do nowadays, and i dont even know why

everything from doing my schoolwork to getting dressed just feels so hard and out of reach as goals 

like my brain wants to do those things but whenever i think of doing it my body starts feeling super fatigued and i think maybe even a small part of my brains like 'no'

i dont know what this and i really dont like it

[felheimragna]

i hate seeing alex suffer

whether by his owns means via depression or people constantly being dicks to him, i absolutely hate seeing him sad or upset or something

hes my best friend and the person i care most about in the entire universe and seeing him in pain like that is agonizing, especially when i cant do anything about it

i can make countless other people happy but it doesnt mean jack squat if i cant make the love of my life feel any better

ugh im fuckin scum im the worst girlfriend and the worst best friend ive failed him and myself

[felheimragna]

another thing in my moping is that i dont even have anything as an escape for when i get all like this

people can throw themselves into work or art or games to just escape and let their moods settle but nothing like that works for me

the most i have is talking to others and distracting myself by listening to my friends but my friends always arent available or just wanna talk it out and worry about me and its like 'dude just let me listen to you for a while so i dont have to think of my own feelings'

its especially nice if like they had a rad day and my need to be supportive and optomistic for other takes over