#fulfiillment

[endlessandrea]

[cheeselover917]

It's been ages

I just read the last post I had on here, and it was during the time my lola passed away. I started crying reading about her legacy and that whole experience. These things happen and we find the strength to carry on with life. But it's also important to let yourself feel all the emotions, and crying felt really good.

It feels like ages ago, and now I'm in a totally new place in my life, both figuratively and literally.

Opening up this blog again feels like I'm opening some sort of chest with lots of cobwebs that just dusting it all off. I looked at my "About Me" page which still listed my age as 25, and I'm 28 now! I also started going through some blog drafts that I'd written centuries ago, and spotted one draft filled with rage and resentment towards my parents during the pandemic. I promised myself that this blog will have none of that, and that is probably why I didn't post it. This blog is about thoughts that I have had time to process.

I do think it's funny though that during that time, I'd written in the draft:

"The best option now is really to move out. And the best way to move out is to move abroad."

Look at me now. Literally on the other side of the Globe. In Canada. I've been here for the past 10 months. How amazing is that?!?! Typing that out, and sharing this with my partner literally made me start bawling my eyes out.

Being here feels like something that's always been meant for me. I'm so glad I made this really big move. I remember that the best feeling was stepping out of the airport, and just standing on the sidewalk being overwhelmed with the fact that I. Am. In. Toronto. I. Am. In. Canada. What!!!

I thought to myself, I can literally do anything I want to do from here on out. I can build a life of my own or really wreck it, and no one is there to hold me back and watch out for me anymore. It was so scary and thrilling and exciting!

I met so many kind souls here, and made so many meaningful connections. I feel like my life is so full and rich here, and I feel so free and happy. The only part that's missing is my partner.

Literally living my dream is not without challenges though. These days I've been feeling anxious, clouded and on edge. I don't really understand my emotions yet, but it's just great to reflect and reconnect with myself after so long.

Let's hope I'm able to figure stuff out and journal more.