#fumble dimension

[vforvalensa]

everyone loves Jon Bois, 17776, and the big long Dorktown docuseries, but i feel like i never see anyone talk about my personal favorite Jon Bois opus, Breaking Madden and the Saga of Clarence BEEFTANK.

Meet BEEFTANK, the Jaguars' 400-pound quarterback

The Jacksonville Jaguars' tenuous quarterback situation is about to enter its second miserable year. Let's fire up Madden 25 and replace Bla

Breaking Madden is a pretty early early Bois joint from way back in 2013 and it's like a text based precursor to the modern Fumble Dimension series hosted by the excellent Kofie Yeboah. The inaugural installment and first of 4 chapters in the BEEFTANK saga features Jon attempting to reinvent the pathetic 2012/2013 Jackson Jaguars/explode his xbox 360 by installing the living bowling ball that is Clarence BEEFTANK as the jaguars' primary quarterback.

There are some excellent early 2010s xbox 360 video capture gifs in the article and some truly sublime Jon Bois prose.

I still think about the phrase "glass of some milks" and laugh to myself.

[incorrectpuyotris]

Source: Fumble Dimension: Our quest to either fix or ruin soccer, Part 2

Transcript:

Draco: I have learned absolutely nothing. Draco: I have not gotten better, I have not improved my knowledge of rotating in any way. Draco: My understanding of rotating has actually devolved. Draco: Which is great, because I am trying to get dumber with every passing day, and today, I did that. Draco: It was a lot of fun.

[adorablegorilla]

Jon Bois is truly a sports writer second, and a masterful storyteller first.

[neververy4]

I regret nothing

[pityboy]

i love sports journalism

[pityboy]

i feel like 'that's diabolical and i really respect it' as a meme is so slept on

what a line