#fundamental truths

[queenmelodis]

i should receive a minimum wage salary for the art and music i make

[hopscorched]

[bookobsessionsgalore]

"We cannot escape the things we must face."

Todd Hasak-Lowy, Me Being Me Is Exactly As Insane As You Being You

[aphreal42]

Mantis shrimp!

Mantis shrimp - What could not be unseen

Alexia observed the group was particularly subdued, conversation remaining muted as Lake Calenhad faded into the distance behind them. While Lisbet would understandably be shaken by seeing what had become of the Circle that had been her home, she wasn’t alone in her introspection. Alexia suspected the dreams the others had experienced in the Fade weighed more heavily on her companions than some of them might like to admit. 

No one lingered around the fire after dinner once they made camp, retreating into the privacy of tents. When the three Wardens gathered for their usual middle of the night “watch” after waking up from nightmares, the conversation touched on the Fade briefly, each of them offering a one-word summary of what they’d seen: “Home”, “Family”, “Both.” 

Lisbet hesitated before giving her answer, cheeks flushed from more than the heat of the fire, her eyes flicking to Alexia in an unnecessary reminder of the promise she’d extracted as soon as Alexia had found her in the Fade. Don’t tell him. Please. 

Alexia kept her word; she said nothing. But that didn’t mean she forgot. Breaking free of her dream prison first, walking away from the vision of a home she could never go back to filled with people she would never see again, she had seen everyone else’s dreams. And when she compared her dream to her fellow Wardens’, something painfully clear emerged. 

They both had hopes for a future; all she wanted was the past she had irrevocably lost. 

Sitting beside that fire, knowing how desperately both Alistair and Lisbet longed for a normal life with the sort of family and home they’d never known, Alexia made her decision. 

[aphreal42]

@trulycertain prompted: 

“Only a fool would wear their heart on their sleeve for the damned crows to peck at.” 

There was silence around the campfire as Alistair and Lisbet, with lots of blushing and bashful smiles, disappeared into her tent. Alexia continued tending to her sword, oiling the area where she’d had to polish out a minor scratch halfway down its length.

“Are you all right?” Leliana’s voice was soft, sympathetic.

“I am, thank you.” Alexia answered blithely, not looking up from her work. “I took a nasty blow from that alpha this afternoon, but Wynne tended to it. No lasting harm done.”

“I’m certain we are all glad to hear it, but that is not what she meant.” Zevran sounded casual, faintly amused as always. “As I suspect you know.”

That didn’t require an answer, so Alexia didn’t give it one.

Leliana tried again, in that same cautious, solicitous tone. “It is clear you care for him.”

“Who, Zevran?” She glanced at the elf with a faint smile, mocking but not unkind. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

She’d have to be a fool not to have picked up some skill at deflection after this many months of observing masterful demonstration.

“You wound me, dear Warden.” Zevran put a hand to his chest, a hint of laughter under the expression of feigned offense. He would play along. Of course he would.

Leliana wasn’t so easily dissuaded, forcing the obvious. “I was speaking of Alistair.”

Alexia shrugged, hands and eyes focused on her work. Sword set carefully aside, she now focused her efforts on an imperfection in the plate of her left vambrace. “He’s a good friend. As is Lisbet.”

“I think there is more to it than that. Or perhaps once was.” Leliana persisted, concern laced through every kind word. “I have seen how he looked at you, before. And at times, you were looking back, I think. It is not weakness for this change to hurt a little.”

“You’ve listened to too many tragic, romantic ballads. But don’t start writing one just yet.” Alexia shook her head with a smile. “Alistair and Lisbet are my friends, and I care a great deal for both of them. I’m glad to see them happy, and anything beyond that is firmly in your imagination. And it can stay there.” She raised a warning finger in Zevran’s direction. “I’m even less interested in hearing about what’s in your imagination.”

Lips curling into a sensual, knowing smirk, Zevran took the bait. “Ah, but the things you could learn…”

Returning her attention to her armor, Alexia tuned out the ensuing conversation; she’d gotten good at ignoring things she didn’t want to hear.

Although, as she discovered an hour later, not good enough.

Alexia had set up her tent near Lisbet’s when they made camp, as she did most nights. The nightmares affected Lisbet more strongly than the others, perhaps because of her greater connection to the Fade. Alexia liked being close at hand for her sister Warden on the bad nights, the way Lisbet had been there for her on the journey from Highever to Ostagar.

But tonight, it meant Alexia was close enough to overhear murmuring voices, soft laughter, gasped breath. She closed her eyes tight and clenched her jaw, as if that would somehow block out the sounds.

She’d meant what she said; she was so very glad her friends had found happiness with one another. But she did not need this sort of detail, to be forcibly reminded of what she had chosen to give away. She’d made her decision, and it was the right one. But there were moments she regretted it, even so.

Alexia drew the wool blanket around her head and ground her teeth together so hard that her jaw ached, but it didn’t stop up her ears. Her imagination filled in what the wool and canvas obscured. Maker, she couldn’t stay here; there was no reason to torture herself with the inevitable consequences.

Zevran had been at the fire still when she left, keeping watch, but she would rather face the Crow’s too-knowing eyes than remain where she was any longer. Even if he would know precisely why she had returned. Breath tight in her chest and face composed into a stone mask, Alexia fled her tent.

“Ah, you have returned! Deny it as you may, you cannot resist my company.” Zevran flashed her a sly, charming grin.

Alexia snorted derisively as she sat, unable to manage her usual scathing rebuff of Zevran’s constant flirtation.

He chuckled throatily at that, but the eyes that studied her held no flicker of mischief.

Spine stiff, she didn’t flinch away from that penetrating gaze, meeting it with a hard stare. She didn’t need or want his pity. “I’m fine.”

“Did I say otherwise?” His lazy smile and arched eyebrow held for a moment before softening. “If you wish to talk, I am here. I’ve been told that I listen well.”

Alexia stared into the fire. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“Perhaps not.” He sounded unruffled by her short tone. “Even so, here I am.”

And he remained there, in a silence more comfortable than she would have expected, through the rest of his watch.

[aphreal42]

Hate

It felt strange, wearing dresses again after nearly two years in armor, as if she were supposed to step back into the life she had been living like nothing had changed. As if she ought to forget everything that had happened, the massacre, the Blight, the battles. 

No, the past two years would not be forgotten, by her or by anyone else if she had a say in it. But they could be set aside. She couldn’t afford to let them distract her from her work, especially not this morning. Squaring her shoulders, however light the fabric might feel when she was used to steel, she gathered the folios from her desk and strode briskly across the palace. 

She arrived to an empty room, as she’d hoped, giving her a few minutes to gather her thoughts. She’d done everything she could to prepare for this meeting, the first meeting between the queen and the chancellor. She couldn’t afford to falter or make a poor impression; the new girl had to prove she was up to the job from the very start to get the respect she’d need going forward. 

By the time Anora arrived, promptly on time as ever, Alexia sat with her hands calmly folded on the table. She rose and dropped into a proper curtsy to greet the queen, who nodded acknowledgment, her gaze cool and appraising. Anora gestured to the chair, and Alexia resumed her seat, back straight and chin high. Anora took the chair opposite her, thoughts inscrutable behind a fixed, polite smile. 

The court had been full of sly whispers and gossip since Alexia accepted the position of chancellor, wondering why and waiting for the show to begin. Bets had been laid on how long she’d last in the position, with odds on everything from a few months to less than a day. 

Most of the nation’s nobility, likely including Anora herself, assumed Alexia hated the queen, but the truth was more complicated. Alexia had always respected the older woman, regarding her with a mixture of admiration and suspicion. Anora was brilliant, poised, determined, all things a teyrn’s daughter and queen should be. But she was a hard person to know, and an even harder one to trust. 

Alexia could never guess what calculations went on behind that steady gaze, what Anora would consider an acceptable sacrifice for the greater good. She’d regarded the queen with a wary respect, trusting her motives but not her means. She couldn’t fathom how Anora could accept the cost of some of her solutions, how she could disregard those hurt by her policies. 

After the past two years, the compromises she’d had to make, the decisions with impossible stakes and no perfect solutions... Alexia thought she might be starting to understand. There weren’t always easy answers, but perhaps between the two of them, they could find new ways forwards. 

“I look forward to working with your majesty, for the good of Ferelden. Shall we begin?” 

[nuri148]

I'm curious about something! Pineapple on pizza, yes or no?

Absolutely not.

La pregunta ofende 🤣.

[autopsytableromance]

new commandment from god: drink 5 beers and jack off