#funny stories

[julie1971]

Stupid News 8-12-2026 6am …Before You Unwrap Your Mummy Listen to This

…Police in Japan asking citizens to take a break from getting blackout drunk …He blew 2 and ½ Times the Legal Limit …Before You Unwrap Your Mummy Listen to This

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[skinnyhyena]

Diana Wynne Jones attended a class Tolkien was teaching. Tolkien intended to use that time to write because no one ever signed up for that class. DWJ was the only person to sign up, so Tolkien tried to get her to drop it, but she refused and kept showing up. She talked about it at some point as if Tolkien was annoyed by her, which I'm sure he was to some degree, but considering how good she was, I doubt his annoyance was all that serious.

I don't remember the details of the story, but this is more than enough info to be able to find them on your own if you want

Thank you!

[julie1971]

Rumble In The Morning on FM99 - Stupid News 8-12-2026 8am He had a 2ft long Cottonmouth Snake in his Football Helmet

…He is accused of embezzling $32 million …He had a 2ft long Cottonmouth Snake in his Football Helmet …Arrested for Threatening the Governor for Blocking his access to watch Anime

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[thequillandclaws]

**I thought I was going to have a peaceful night. My four cats had other plans. 🐈‍⬛🐈🐈🐈 Welcome to Catonya 2026—the overnight race event I never signed up for. 😂 New post is up!**

Catonya 2026

[smoking-hot-at-70]

💘 COMMANDER DIANE’S DATING APP CHRONICLES 🚀

At 70, I decided to see what the modern dating world was really like.

So I entered the battlefield.

Match. Tinder. OkCupid. Bumble. Hinge. Breeze. Plenty of Fish. Silver Singles. Christian Mingle. HER. eHarmony. Facebook Dating.

Twelve apps.

Twelve adventures.

There were disappearing men… a “pilot” who apparently knew very little about flying… a gentleman with profiles on SIX different dating sites… apps that wanted money for practically everything… men who wanted to skip the getting-to-know-you part… religious compatibility issues… and one app that seemed determined to make my dating life a family group project. 😂

I learned something along the way:

Dating apps aren’t necessarily bad.

They’re just… interesting. 😂

Sometimes you find a great conversation.

Sometimes you find absolutely nothing.

Sometimes you find exactly what you’re NOT looking for.

And occasionally, you find a story that’s too funny NOT to tell.

So here is my little journey through the modern dating battlefield.

I’m still laughing.

I’m still optimistic.

And I’m still looking.

Because I’m not looking for just anybody.

I’m looking for the right somebody.

🚀 Commander Diane reporting. Mission continues.

#SmokingHotAt70 #DatingApps #OnlineDating #DatingStories #DatingHumor #ModernDating #DatingFails #DatingOver60 #DatingOver70 #SingleAt70 #CommanderDiane #SmokingHotAt70 #FunnyStories

[madfishmonger]

Don't mess with Cassandra

Transcript:

"My sister used to put a creepy ass doll in the attic window and freak out the neighbour kid across the street because that kid was a diiii. So she was playing with it in the front yard and this guy came out and said some stupid shit like dolls are dumb and just grabbed it and threw it in the rain. Like the storm drain. Gutter. Thing. She told me what happened and then told me she needed the doll back like, really bad, and I said well, you got a lot of dolls, and she goes no, I need this one back because I have a plan.

Yeah, so after I had lowered her down into the storm drain by her feet and pulled her back up, uh, we had this doll and it was looking all ragged, and she goes 'alright now we gotta get up in the attic.'

She put up a curtain over the window and then a light on the other side of the doll so that it would cast a shadow of its silhouette. And then when she saw the kid across the street again she kept messing with him and being like 'Ashley didn't like being thrown in the gutter. Ashley says she wants to show you what it's like, down there in the dark.'

And like, after she had done different poses with the silhouette, you know, like holding weaponry and stuff, she had it wide open and had the doll with both hands on the glass. And then when the kid came and knocked on our door because our parents weren't home, geez, the 90s, our parents were never home, and she looked at me and she's like 'stall and play dumb' and then she took off running. So I answer the door, do what she says, and the guy's like 'I know this doll shit's not real, you guys are moving it, and it's total bullshit, you gotta stop.' and I'm like 'What the fuck are you talking about?' and he walks me out to the front yard to point at the window and she had already moved it, it was gone. And he's like 'Your sister moved that!' He freaked out a bit but that wasn't enough for her. She decided to take it to the next level. She watched when they left and they had a big old german shepherd so they had a very large dog door in the backyard. And what I didn't know is she had been saving her bacon from like, morning breakfast, and she brought that with her to distract the dog and then went in through the dog door. She grabbed a big old kitchen knife, cut open this kid's pillow at the edge, and then stuffed the doll inside the pillow.

And then that night was, you know, a warm summer night, and nobody had AC in the area so the windows were all open, and we could, we heard him screaming in the middle of the night. Then she was satisfied.

[fr1sb3e]

Throwback to that one time when I was like nine and shot myself in the eye with a nerf gun but still did my play :/