Oct 25, 2017
So I’ve been playing Diaries of a space port Janitor recently 10/10 cute lil game
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So I’ve been playing Diaries of a space port Janitor recently 10/10 cute lil game
IMAGINE
It’s 2018. After four years of waiting you finally got the new Dragon Age 4. Full of excitement you install it, spend an hour making your perfect, new protagonist and import your one true world state (OTWS).
The import was successful and you can’t wait for the loadingscreen to be gone so you can start playing.
Suddenly the following message appears: “According to your imported world state your warden is still alive. Is this correct?”
Your hands start shaking. Your breathing gets heavy.
Your Warden. The last thing you remember about your Warden is that horrible DA:O-2009-graphic. But now… it’s suddenly mentioned. You can’t believe it. Your beloved Warden is going to-
You pause and stare empty into the air. Could it be? Could Bioware, after nine years and two games finally bring back your beloved baby?
Your excitement suddenly gets unbearable and you press “correct”. The next message appears: “Please create your Hero of Ferelden.”
Suddenly a new character-menu opens.
Your eyes get teary while you define your wardens race and start creating them in this beautiful DA4-graphic. It’s really happening!
The joy… All the joy you feel! No more waiting and hoping for a brief mention of the Warden! No more pressure, the uncertainty is gone! They will be here, in this game! Finally! You spend ages creating the Hero of Ferelden. Everything has to be perfect. It’s so breathtaking to see the Warden in this beautiful graphic.
You start crying of joy and need at least three packs of tissues and one Ben and Jerrys ice cream to make through this life-changing experience without passing away.
But now you’re done. It’s perfect. Your tears dry and your broad grin slowly fades.
It’s alright. You can do this. You’re a strong, independent person, an adult! It all will be fine.
And then the game starts.
The graphic and storyline is great, you really love your new protagonist and the companions but you can’t get the warden out of your subconsciousness.
But the game really gets you. You love it. The story is good and slowly you forget about the Warden, at least periodically.
But you’re playing it for days now! Still no Hero of Ferelden! But you want to be patient. Your Wardens moment to shine will come. It HAS to. You know it.
Days become weeks. Still no sight of the Hero of Ferelden.
You get anticipated. Did you forgot something? Maybe you should have done a sidequest to gain access to your Warden.
Slowly you know the game ends. It can’t take long anymore.
But whERE IS THE WARDEN?!
And then, one day… you just finish the game. All that’s left now are cutscenes.
You can’t believe it… your Warden… your beloved Hero of Ferelden… You missed it. You must have done something wrong. Your disappointment is indescribable.
You watch the last cutscenes with tears in your eyes. The game was so awesome but… Ouch. It still hurts.
The last cutscene starts. You see grass. The camera is slightly above it, in cat-perspective. Suddenly a big, brown paw stomps the grass down and you hear a bark. The subtitle says “Happy bark”.
Your heart almost stops. No… Could it be?! IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?!
Laughter follows and the camera slowly rises. You can see the brown Mabaris’ legs, his neck and then you see his face. The once darker fur there is now grey, almost white and as he barks again you can see that he already is missing some teeth. The big, brown eyes show a slight, grey shimmer. His eyesight also isn’t the best anymore. He just got old. A hand is petting his ears and he puts his head back with pleasure. The laughter is still there.
The camera zooms out and you can now see the person the hand belongs to.
It’s happening. There it is.
IT’S HAPPENING! Your beloved Warden is there anD YOU CAN FINALLY SEE IT!
All your hopes and dreams finally came true! Finally your Warden will be part of the game again! You can’t wait for your protagonist and the Hero of Ferelden to meet and spend the rest of the game together. After all the game has to last at least a little longer, now that your Warden is here.
You cry of joy and your sweaty hands shake.
BTW, did you romance Zevran? Well, he’s there too, right next to your Warden and the Mabari, smirking at them and looking ridiculously handsome. Your shipperheart just explodes. They’re still together and in love! You knew it. You knew it all the time!
The Warden turns around and looks at something in their hand. A small glasbottle… “Well… looks like I finally succeeded…”, the Warden says smiling.
You pause. Wait… is this… could this be the cure for the blight? DID THE WARDEN REALLY FOUND IT?!
“Well… Come on honey!”, the Warden says grinning and encouragingly pats on their thighs. The Mabari barks happily and follows. The last thing you see is your Warden with a small, tired but satisfied smile, looking into the distance.
The music reaches its climax and the screen becomes black.
And then, through your tears of incredible joy you see….
…
The Credits roll in.
…
And now… just imagine the extreme change of feelings you experienced. From endless happiness to all-destroying agony in 0,5 seconds.
Imagine the mixture of disappointment and unbearable agony and hate you feel for Bioware for doing this..
Just imagine the whole DA-team sitting in their office and laughing wickedly over their trolling. The trolling of millions of fans.
Imaging all the raging fangirls, making Tumblr explode.
Just… Imagine. *John Lennons ‘Imagine’ starts playing in the background*
I can’t wait until 2000 years from now when everything will be made of chrome
In five minutes I'll be on a skype call with my college advisor to set up my freshman schedule Lord help me
(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kq-_riKtzsY)
Can I please just fast forward to a point of my life where I am set financially and can just hug someone every day?
"Where am I? What's that? I've never seen that before. Did you invent it?"
These AA batteries have an expiration date of 2023 and I don't know why but this scares me.