I wish I could infatuate you like I once did, I wish I could grab your attention and make you laugh and make you smile every time our eyes met. Somehow our relationship has changed from the day I met you, full force into something, and situation I had never been in, but yet I felt so secure within your arms. Sometimes I still look at you and see that person, but I know you don’t see me the same way. Somewhere along the way I think we ruined the image we each had of each other, mistake by mistake till all we could see was the wreckage of what was. I wish we could go back and I wish that I knew how to act around you, but I never will and that forever is going to be what stands in the way of our friendship, and I so wish we could be friends, truely, good close friends. Like you and her. It hurts me to think about the past and the present because I can’t even see what went wrong. I guess I got caught up. I got irresponsible and irrelevant. I don’t blame you for not wanting me anymore, I don’t blame you for any of it. I hope one day we can come together like old friends, I hope one day we can rekindle that fire and just for a second I can make you feel as loved as she is. Just for a second I can make you forget. That’s all I want. You to be happy, so I will try my best to abide by your wishes and move on to the next stage in my life. But I am always here. I will always care. I’ve never had that person in my life where I truely believed I would always want, always care about but after these recent events I have realised that’s you for me. As she is to you. I’m sorry I wasn’t enough, but I had so much to live up to. I don’t think through your eyes I could have ever looked better than her, a better option. Through all difficulties you stuck with her and that’s the side of you I wish I had. I wish I could hold. I don’t know if I hate you or love you. You sure fucked me up just as much as she fucked you. I’m sorry this is how things are. But there’s no changing the past and there is only the future, and I will be watching you every step of the way, distant but always there.
I’ve never been hurt like this by a person I loved with all my shitty heart. I’m glad I finally got it all out.
