It feels so weird to do this because I haven't actually posted on here myself since early Tumblr days, but it didn't feel like enough to just journal this experience. I feel like I have to shout it into the ether to strangers who may or may not care to read this and hopefully don't know who I'm talking about and who might sympathize and send a little bit of good energy my way because don't we all need it right now.
In essence, not counting the dark era of early pandemic lockdown, the last 6 months of my life have been some of the worst 6 months of my life. I own a small local business out of a brick and mortar space that I love and I work hard and it brings me so much joy. But running a small business is hard and it's expensive and sometimes people don't always understand how much an owner pours into honing their craft.
In the last 6 months I've dealt with obstacle after obstacle, shitty landlord, broken HVAC, annoying retail neighbors, leaking ceiling, city inspectors, and bills on top of bills on top of bills, and every time it felt like I was finally getting a handle on things, something else would blow up in my face. Then, after much lamenting, a good friend of mine introduces me to someone she thinks can help. Help with some admin stuff I've let pile up, fill some gaps with staffing, help me decipher analytics, and she does help. The weight on my shoulders was somewhat eased. And then she started sticking her nose where it doesn't belong, overstepping her bounds, blatantly ignoring my personal and professional boundaries, pushing my business in a direction I thought I was clear with her I wasn't ready to go in. And just like everything recently, this also blows up in my face. Except this time, the damage is EXCEPTIONAL. I'm talking this person backed me into a corner that she made and left me hanging there with a $13K bill due by January 31st. I'm trying real hard not to fall apart. Maybe I already am considering I'm posting this here lol. I've vented to my closest circle. I don't have therapy til Wednesday. I guess I just needed to drop this little journal entry into the ether and hope by some miracle someone sees it and decides to reach out and help me for real. Not because it'll benefit them somehow, but because they can feel how hard I've been fighting and have the ability and willingness to help me out for real. Because I'm so SO exhausted and I'm truly losing the fight in me to keep going. The somewhat positive thing I'm taking out of this is that my instincts have been right. Everytime. And I need to trust my instincts more than I've trusted the awful people who've put me in a worse position than I was before.
Idk how to close this out. I'm having a rough night and I'm trying not to lose my mind and chew this person out. If you're reading this, trust yourself! No one knows you better than you so don't let anyone sway you in a direction you're not comfortable with!!! And if time travel ever gets invented, go back to August 2024 and tell my younger self the same thing! Please I beg 😩
Ok rant done for now. Thanks tumblr