#gagpost

[emospacegeekvirgil]

"If you ain't gonna make a kid right, don't make one at all! Yeetus to the fetus!"

[bloodsweatandbirch]

Would you look at this guy? 👀 I know it's not Monday or anything but do I really need a reason to post about him? I love everything about my life with him. From midnight adventures to standing at the counter of a liquor store for an hour as you compare knives with the cashier, I wouldn't trade away a minute of it. #gagpost #butwereprettyawesome #sodealwithit #lessthanayeartilweremarried #nofilterneeded

[ageneralstatement]

i’m just trying to not burn the house down before i take a shower because my hair is greasy and it’s making me freaking mad

[ageneralstatement]

”all to say—“ i literally was not listening

[ageneralstatement]

some people just do not put enough butter on their toast and it really shows

[ageneralstatement]

when people ask why you don’t have a boyfriend just tell them you’re allergic to nuts

[ageneralstatement]

*while playing poker* me: man i keep getting the runs tonight

[ageneralstatement]

i am the dad friend. i wear plaid shirts, i make insensitive jokes, i ignore your texts, and i bring snacks.