#gandgperspective

[gandgperspective-blog]

I am in love with a guy. This is not the same guy I am dating. I feel like I am betraying the guy I am with every time I even think about the other one. I don't know what I should do. I really like the guy I've been dating (close to a month), but somehow this guy I have been in love with for a very long time seems to just be in my head always. I don't want to hurt anyone. What do I do?

Hey! Thanks for writing in.

First of all, you need to be honest with both people: tell the person you love that you’re with someone else (if they’re pressuring you to be with them; not if they don’t know you love them) and tell the person you’re with that you’re in love with someone else; IF you think they can handle that kind of information. Sometimes it’s best to keep that sort of thing to yourself, if you think that it isn’t worth making tidal waves in your relationship.

You also need to think about why you’re in a relationship with this person if you have strong feelings for someone else. Are they a distraction? Is there a reason why you and the person you love aren’t together? You also need to ask yourself, do you love the person you’re with? Are you in love with them?

At this time, you’re probably beyond the point of not hurting anyone. All you have to do is make an effort to not hurt them even more. That may include not breaking up with the person you’re with, if you think staying with them with feelings for another person is better than breaking up with them. You also need to ask, what are your chances with the person you love?

Take into account your significant other’s feelings. Being someone’s second choice never feels good. Take it from someone who knows.

- Quinn Darrow

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Girl Perspective: Games Girls Play

Hey guys. Sorry it's been so long since we've posted (we posted 5 times in April, an all time low!), but Joseph and I have been busy studying for finals, EOC exams, and AP tests. These are the final four weeks of our semester, and we're trying to make the best of them!

Recently I've entered a pseudo-relationship with a guy I met through online video games. And I've noticed something.

No matter how hard girls try not to play games with guys, they do. And it's not because we want to hurt their feelings. It's because we want to prevent ours from being hurt. 

The most common way that girls will do this is they'll make it obvious that they're not waiting around, and it's also known as the "jealousy game". Girls will post pictures of themselves with other guys, make comments about the attractiveness of other guys, and the like. But what you need to know is that this doesn't work. It often shows the guy that you aren't interested, and that they shouldn't wait around for you or make an effort to try something with you. If you want to be in a relationship with a guy, stop playing these games.

I myself am admitting to doing this. I try hard not to, but I think it's kind of instinctive for girls because it's a defense mechanism. Guys, don't think that just because a girl comments about other guys that she's not interested in you. Yes, it's a bad thing for girls to do, but we can't really help it. We don't want to get hurt in a process we could've prevented.

- Quinn Darrow

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Girl Perspective: Ending a Relationship on Good Terms (Revised)

So recently, you may have seen Joseph's revision to his post "Waiting". I also have something to revise. Joseph and I are people after all, and I firmly believe that throughout life you continue to learn. Here's what I said in a previous post (here):

The most important thing you need to consider is the both of you leaving on happy terms.

DON'T DO THIS. If anything, your breakup should be awful. I recently went through a "good" breakup, and it initially did seem like a good idea, but I soon realized that it actually is worse than a bad one. Sure, you may be good friends still, but lingering feelings often make you feel bad about yourself (and you'll ask yourself, "If we're such good friends, why did we end it?") and it'll be hard to suppress any feelings you have for them, be it physical or emotional.

When you break up with someone, you need to break it off completely. You can be friends later in life, just not now. After all, you both just got burned. You have to stay away from each other until it stops hurting. Otherwise, it ends up hurting even more. Take it from someone who recently experienced it. You get over it eventually, but the question is: how long do you want the pain to last?

- Quinn Darrow

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Girl Perspective: High School Dating vs. Adult World Dating

It seems that we sort of go through a metamorphosis as we age. Not just in how we think or look, but also the way we interact with other people. This especially applies when it comes to dating.

In high school, dating is more of a commitment. You become friends with a person and start liking them. It's also possible to like more than person at a time. You choose one person that you're interested in and think you have a good chance with and you pursue them until they either a) end up with you or b) don't end up with you. That's usually how it works. If you do end up being rejected, time goes on. You get over it.

High schoolers tend to look down upon people who go on dates with several people within a certain amount of time. It's seen as "playing the fence" or being a player. Dates are kind of meant to seal the relationship and confirm your feelings for one another.

In the adult world, or even in college (which could also be considered the adult world), you can go on dates with several different people in the same time frame. You don't necessarily have to chose to commit to one person until things start getting serious with them. Dates are more to get to know one another before you ask someone to be your girl or guy.

- Quinn Darrow

[gandgperspective-blog]

Guy Perspective: When Girls Play Hard to Get

So girls sometimes get the idea in their head that playing hard to get will magically attract the guy that they want to be with. My personal experience with these "hard-to-get" girls has gone as follows: girl likes guy. Guy notices girl. Guy and girl get closer. Guy starts liking girl, and girl starts to realize that (either from rumors, or he acts differently, they go on a date, etc.), so she then proceeds to act like she's not interested. What guy in their right mind would continue to pursue a girl that shut him down as soon as he let his feelings show? Not one. No guy wants to sit there and play games with his own emotions wondering if a girl wants to be with him or not. If you girls want to play games, go buy an Xbox, because guys don't want any part of that. Playing hard to get, while it is rumored to be a turn on to guys, really just lessens the odds that he'll stay interested. Some girls seem to think that by hurting a guy's confidence, he will feel more attracted to them. So girls, if you like a guy, don't play hard to get. It's not attractive. Guys hate it. -Joseph Razzleflamm

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Girl Perspective: Can Two Completely Different Kinds of People Be Together?

This is a question that comes up a lot in high school and college. And heck, throughout adulthood too. There's no definite answer, but here's something close:

Yes. People with differing personalities can be together happily. But you both have to put in an equal amount of effort to make the relationship work. If one side isn't as devoted to the other, it's not going to work. It doesn't work that way in any relationship.

What happens a lot is that an introvert and extrovert get together and it seems like the extrovert has higher expectations. The introvert tries to keep up with these expectations, but it's harder for them to come out of their comfort zone than the extrovert. Then, the extrovert starts getting frustrated and starts to doubt their significant other's commitment in the relationship, while the introvert actually is committed, they just don't show it the way the extrovert does.

Extroverts are very physical and loving. They love PDA and words of affection. Introverts don't always show it, but they can love as much, if not more, as their extrovert counterparts. After the extrovert starts thinking that their SO doesn't love/care for them very much, the extrovert start making it seem like they're not going to wait around for the introvert and will try to make them jealous. But not malicious jealousy, just a tiny bit to make their lone wolf know that they're going to slip out of their paws if they don't take action.

If you, the extrovert, start doing this, you need to fix things quickly. Communicate with your significant other and let them know where you're at. You both need to come out of your comfort zone and shell to make each other happy. It is entirely possible for things to work, but not if you don't know each other's expectations. And if the introvert says they don't have expectations, or the other way around, that's complete BS. There are no relationships without expectations.

Have a situation where you don't know what to do? Feel free to ask us anything!

- Quinn Darrow

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Girl Perspective: How to Know When You Like Someone

A lot of times my friends tell me, "I don't know if I like him. Do I like him?" There's a pretty simple answer to this. If you have to ask a friend if you like a guy, you generally won't. You'll know for sure if you like someone. This, however, is different than being interested in someone. Liking someone usually takes some time, whereas being interested in dating someone takes one meeting, or sometimes a couple more.

"Liking" someone refers to lust. It's associated with physical attraction, and sometimes emotional attraction as well. You'll get butterflies in your stomach and your blood will start pumping. This is liking someone. Interest is usually thought-based, such as, "I'd like to go on a date with them sometime," or ,"I wouldn't mind being with them." Girls, you'll often talk louder or softer around a guy or girl you like depending on the type of person you are. Your movements will be more animated and you'll laugh a lot louder and more often.

TL;DR: You'll know when you like someone.

Don't forget to ask us anything!

- Quinn Darrow

[gandgperspective-blog]

Guy Perspective: Being Toyed With

Toying with a guy's emotions is probably the worst choice that a girl can make. It doesn't keep a guy waiting around, and it's not healthy if you plan on being in a relationship with him. The problem mainly comes with girls not realizing they are toying with a guy's feelings. A lot of the time this occurs when girls say things that they don't really mean: "I want to be with you," "I really like you, but I don't feel ready for a relationship," and various things of that sort. As much as it may seem like this behavior would make a guy feel better, it doesn't. It makes us feel horrible. Actions speak louder than words. If you like a guy, but you don't feel ready for a relationship with him for any reason at all (whether it's because you're already in a relationship, or it's because you don't know if a relationship between the two of you would work out, or if it's even because you don't feel like you like him enough to get into a relationship with him), do not tell him that you like him. In fact, it would be less hurtful to tell him that you don't like him than to tell him that you do like him but you don't want to date him. 

Guys do not like wanting what they can't have, so if you really care about a guy, you'll give him a straight "yes, I want to be with you," or "no, I do not want to be with you." 

If you give him a straight no, it'll hurt less than if you give him a half-hearted no.

-Joseph Razzleflamm