#garrard conley

[smute]

oh garrard conley we're really in it now

[isaacbookclub]

Boy Erased by Garrad Conley

Season 2 Episode 7

[pythiaswine]

Four years ago I read Boy Erased by Garrard Conley and this paragraph here I wrote down because it put into words perfectly what my mindset has always been growing up gay.

"Though over the years I'd done my best to pretend otherwise, I'd had a string of male crushes that wouldn't go away, a constant guilty ache that ran through my body for so long that I came to believe the feeling was just a part of what it meant to be alive. The only moments when the ache became a sharp pain were when I allowed myself to imagine a happy life with these crushes, a rarity to be sure. As Cosby spoke, I wondered what it felt like to see yourself reflected in every movie, to have friends and family constantly dropping fun little hints about your love life, to have the world open up to you in all its magnificence. What did it feel like to not have to think about your every move, to not be scrutinized for everything you did, to not have to lie every day? In my most stubborn moments—the moments that must have accumulated to such a degree that the blond-haired boy distrusted me—I told myself that it must have felt really dull to be straight. When I was my most stubborn self, I thought, This affliction is what makes me smarter. This disadvantage is what gives me my ambition. This is what first inspired me to write."

[yourdailyqueer]

Garrard Conley

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Gay

DOB: Born 1984

Ethnicity: White - American

Occupation: Writer, activist, screenwriter

[lambdalibrary]

June 29th Boy Erased

[Image ID: The cover of Boy Erased by Garrard Conley. The background is pale blue with a boy's jaw and praying arms on wood pasted on top to resemble a collage. Below is a fig leaf and then the authors name on a cut out of lined paper. End ID.]

Triggers

Conversion therapy, religious trauma, homophobia, rape, child abuse, sexual abuse of a child, bestiality (any mentions of S from Conley's "therapy" group), domestic abuse, mentions of slavery and racism, self harm, suicide, ableism, eating disorders

Summary

Boy Erased is Garrard Conley's memoir focusing on his struggles with faith and sexuality that would eventually lead to an experience in conversion therapy at Love in Action after he was forcibly outed to his conservative and religious parents by his rapist. Alongside his experience in conversion therapy he details his relationship to his parents, his ex girlfriend, his church and also his experiences generally from growing up in the Bible Belt as gay and the son of a pastor.

Links

Openlibrary link (audiobook available)

UnErased a podcast produced by Conley about the history of conversion therapy and a second season about adoption and deportation.

Garrard Conley's website

This is a recommendation not exactly related to conversion therapy or LGBT issues at all but I would like to link the webcomic Elan School by Joe Nobody. I was struck by how similar Love in Action and Elan functioned, from the idea of false image/guilt and erasing identity, to purposefully obfuscating language to make communication between kids and their parents difficult, the constant surveillance, and even the inspiration from addiction groups. Conversion therapy is just one religious branch of a wider troubled teen industry, and I think that's important to consider, that teens and children are vulnerable enough groups already on top of the homophobia and transphobia LGBT teens face. I would add that Elan School has the same triggers as Boy Erased with regards to suicide, self harm, child abuse but also drug use and violence and probably more.

Review

So I read this book because it's quickly become THE book on conversion therapy, at least on the non fiction side. The fiction side is probably locked down by The Miseducation of Cameron Post, and they've kind of become interlinked to me. Probably not helped by both of them having movie adaptions come out at relatively the same time, which is probably the reason why Boy Erased has become the go to book when it comes to these conversations.

And it makes sense why, this is a very accessible memoir. I think a lot of people tend to shy away from non fiction because they assume it won't be as compelling as fiction, and that's definitely not true here. It should be pretty apparent from his writing style that even Conley himself is more comfortable with fiction, and writes in a similar style with tons of descriptive details, metaphors, and the like you might not expect if you haven't read any narrative non fiction. Honestly, that's why I didn't like the writing, because I don't like narrative non fiction and I'm fine if it's a little drier and I'm not getting descriptions of every sensory detail the author can remember. I say that, but also I couldn't stop reading Boy Erased every time I opened it and eventually came to really appreciate the style. Please give it a chance whether or not it clicks with you immediately.

And I really would suggest you give this book a chance if you can handle how triggering it can be, especially if you're in my situation. Not to make this review about myself, but while Conley and I are both gay I'm from a blue state, my mom's always been accepting and even been to more pride parades than I have, and more importantly religion plays no part in my life. While I have sympathy for LGBT people, especially LGBT teens and transgender people in the south, it's also easy for me to dismiss a literal hell with literal demons and the fear of them, to roll my eyes when I see churches in my area advertise "everyone is welcome" with a little rainbow flag, to just exist without those fears and trauma and without the need for those reassurances, to be relieved when you find a church where you belong. Because it's just never been a huge part of my life. I think it was a good experience to read Boy Erased and put myself in the headspace that was decidedly the opposite, to experience as best I could that kind of pressure and its consequences. Where there really would be that struggle between faith and sexuality, to wrestle with how much an all loving god can possibly love when you're in a place that well, quite literally demonizes being gay. That would push you to go into conversion therapy, to stick with it despite the abuse and the shame until you reach the breaking point.

[filmbook21]

[sesiondemadrugada]

Boy Erased (Joel Edgerton, 2018).

[damianimated]

8/30 of my Pride 2019 Illustration series is Garrard Conley! 🏳️‍🌈 Author of Boy Erased: A Memoir about his experience surviving an LGBTQ conversion therapy camp, which was adapted into a movie last year. It provides a first-hand account of the trauma these camps cause LGBTQ youth. You can read his story here.

🏳️‍🌈 Each day through June I will be posting an illustration of someone I believe is doing important things within the LGBTQ community! 🏳️‍🌈