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reading through my story idea notes like
... sweet spirits above what the fuck did I mean
🌟 2025 Fic Highlights
I was tagged ages ago by the delightful @guacamolleee & @tarasmom <3 so here it is, a very tardy and totally off-script roundup of my 2025 year in fics 💖
zero pressure tagging a few lovelies @scuttlingcrab @rauferes @mediocremillie99 if the spirit moves you 👀
Stats:
20 fics | 357,773 words (loll)
Shortest:
A Mesmeric Experience (2,808)
Longest:
Passage Through the Lichgate (213,107)
Hottest Smut:
tbh probably also A Mesmeric Experience, although I'm personally partial to Observations of the Spectral Court because I'm a little freak
Most Popular:
honestly idk! I use an AO3 site skin to hide stats and I *highly* recommend - it helps with author sanity, and lets me enjoy and evaluate stories on their own merits rather than being anchored by stats that I've personally found to be meaningless <3
That being said, I'm guessing it's a tie between the smutty, angsty Darkness at the Edge of Dawn and my Shakarian montage shortfic A Gravity Well is a Long Way to Fall , which is absolutely WILD to me bc Mass Effect is a thousand years old. But look Garrus Vakarian is king and the Garrus guys and girlies go hard, and if all goes according to plan I will be bringing more Shakarian food to the table in 2026 xx
Most Reread:
I don't usually reread my own fics, but ngl I have reread my Alistair x Cousland Ero Quod Spero at least twice at this point. It's got humor. It's got horses. It's got heraldry. It's got King Alistair doing naughty things in the kingly bath. Twice. look I cooked wayy harder than necessary for what was supposed to be a joke fic ok
Proudest Of:
this one's for sure a tie between Passage Through the Lichgate and Beneath This Cage of Bone 💙
both stories required me to stretch as a writer - Passage, because of its complex structure, the frequently unlikeable FMC, the development of Johanna as a real multidimensional character, and difficult subject matter. In Cage of Bone the challenge was more in identifying the specificity & universality in tragedies that have befallen myself and loved ones, and weaving those together into a newly meaningful story. I put my whole heart into both stories, and if you read either one in 2025 then I am sending you a fruit basket I am kissing you on the lips you cannot escape it we are best friends for life <3
Biggest Downer (affectionate):
A View of the Lake probably? People say it’s sad lol
The seed of this story came to me after reading two consecutive New Yorker stories about age gap flings (The Frenzy by Joyce Carol Oates and Travesty by Lillian Fishman, and I HIGHLY recommend both; Oates and Fishman are doing iconic work ✨) , which got me thinking about the dark undercurrent of modern AU EmmRook. While I love a happily-ever-after EmmRook to death, the potentially problematic nature of their dynamic is part of what drew me to the ship in the first place, and I love it when stories face that nature unflinchingly (and sometimes decide that it's best for the characters not to be together 🥲).
Ships:
Emmrich/Rook (Dragon Age: The Veilguard)
Alistair/Warden (Dragon Age: Origins)
Garrus Vakarian/Commander Shepard (Mass Effect)
Gale/Tav (Baldur's Gate 3)
The Emperor/Tav (Baldur's Gate 3, yeahh that's right your girl wrote an Emps fic)
Cal/Sol (I Was A Teenage Exocolonist)
Zine Pieces:
Maestro 🪄 for @thefadediscordserver 's Unexpected SplendAUr zine <3
🚀 Second Contact ❤️🔥
a dash of Garrus spice, as a treat
“Meaning…?” She takes a half-step closer, and this time he does not back away. Within their dark encircling sockets his eyes gleam the color of an ocean planet. “Meaning it’s taking every ounce of self-control I have not to bend you over the control panel right now,” he says through gritted teeth. — Or: Garrus and Shepard’s second time.
Garrus has an uncomfortable dilemma, and Shepard provides a mutually satisfying reprieve.
Second Contact on AO3 (NSFW)
snippet below the cut!
✨ My works on AO3 ✨
The list has gotten long so here's a few of my personal faves:
Something spicy: A Mesmeric Experience (Emmrich/Rook, DATV, E)
Something Bae: Heir Apparent (Baelor Targaryen/Reader, AKOTSK, E)
Something melancholy: Beneath This Cage of Bone (Emmrich/Rook, DATV, M)
Something friends-to-lovers: A Gravity Well is a Long Way to Fall (Garrus/Shepard, Mass Effect, M)
Something epic: Passage Through the Lichgate (Emmrich/Rook, DATV, E [but can be read as M with chapter CWs])
Something cozy: The Laws of Motion (Gale/Tav, BG3, T)
Something idk how to describe but I love: Ero Quod Spero (Alistair/Warden, DAO, E)
Something wicked: Silence is the Most Perfect Expression of Scorn (Gale/Durge, BG3, E)
should I write a Mass Effect longfic
yes
definitely
dw y’all I have extensive survey design experience
Top of the head kiss, for whichever pairing strikes your fancy
Thanks for the prompt! I hope you like Shakarian and Mass Effect, because, well… Hand slipped.¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Mass Effect 2 timeline, before the suicide mission.
Garrus thought a lot about kissing Shepard.
The vids mentioned there was an “etiquette” about kissing in human culture. Generally people kissed behind closed doors during moments of intense passion, but some humans didn’t mind it in front of others, so long as the kissing was “appropriate” and too heated. But, the vids stressed, one had to be careful with this, because some humans didn’t like engaging in public displays of affection around others. Where Shepard stood, Garrus wasn’t very sure.
He thought about it a lot, what type of kisses she liked, or even if he could kiss her the way he wanted. It wasn’t like Turrians had pliable human lips, Shepard herself having some exceptional ones. He had to admit he was thinking about them more so than he was his current calibrations, and how she liked to bite them a lot, particularly when she was stressed. He was thinking about them so much, in fact, that the calculations he was doing no longer made any sense. He spent a minute thinking about how amazing it was, that he didn’t even have to be near her for her to have an effect on him, before realizing he should call it a day.
And there she was.
After he got over the fact that he was witnessing Kate Shepard in black lounge wear, short mop of curly black hair damp from a shower, wearing glasses and reading a book over soup, he appreciated the fact that hardly anyone ever saw this image. In fact, people were lucky enough to met Kate Shepard and live to tell the tale. Luckier still to see her so relaxed. He almost didn’t want her to know he was there watching, but she smiled when she saw him, looking up from her book.
“Hey,” she greeted, smiling.
“Hey.”
She motioned for him. “Want to join?”
She sat her book down as he took a seat directly next to her. The book’s cover was some drawing of a muscular looking human man with a frail, blonde female human in a red dress, and when Garrus couldn’t keep his eyes away from the title or the subtitle, (”The Flames of Passion: she wasn’t supposed to fall, yet fall she did”,) Kate pushed it from view.
“Romance novel,” she said. “Miranda had it flown in from Earth.”
“Wasn’t judging.”
Kate’s eyes narrowed.
“Really!” Garrus insisted.
She believed him, he hoped. “I have to do something until we blow off some steam, right?” she asked, shrugging.
“About that..”
“Oh. You don’t want to anymore, do you?”
She became so crestfallen that he couldn’t answer her immediately because the words couldn’t form for some reason, and that just made it worse. When he finally got his bearings and stammered about how he was just doing some research and had a few questions, she sighed, utterly relieved. And how good it was, Garrus thought, to be wanted. Like that.
He didn’t mention that. Instead, he asked her what her thoughts on kissing were.
She grinned, stretching a little, coming closer to him. “Kissing?” she asked. “Kissing is great. Ten out of ten. I highly recommend it. Especially with someone you happen to really care for.”
“The vids mentioned sometimes it takes practice. And you know, Human and Turrians weren’t exactly made for…well.”
“Lots of things take practice to get right anyway,” she said smirking. “You know…we could…start practicing now.”
“Um…”
Her eyes were already closed. He considered for a moment, considered what this might mean. He really wanted to too, dammit, but what if he messed this up, what if…”
Cup her face in your hands, the instructor in the vids said. That is generally a gesture others love.
Garrus did just that. Should he go in for her lips? Or….
Stop thinking, you idiot!
He stopped thinking, and his lips crashed to the top of her head.
He felt her giggle, as he remained there for a few moments, spending more time there than maybe humans did, so she could be sure this was what his intention was, then. She shifted after a moment, before pressing her forehead against his.
If they like it, they’ll remain, the vids said. It was safe to say then, that Kate liked it,
“Kate,” Garrus muttered, one thread of doubt, and reason still there inside him. “Do you really think this can work?”
“Do you want it to?”
“You’re the only good thing in this big, screwed up galaxy,” he said. “If it doesn’t…”
“It will.”
He would have believed anything she said. So of course, he could believed that. And if it didn’t…
Well, Kate Shepard was the type that would have made it work anyway.
No Shepard without Vakarian.
Post ME3 spoilers ahead.
Character(s): Garrus, Fem!Shepard
Word count: 471
It had been a freak accident. At least, that’s what Garrus told himself a moment before the bullet pierced his chest. He had been reckless. Joker had warned him if he kept going on like this, it would be the end of him. The pain was only momentary, but it was minor compared to the pain he had been carrying around with him since Shepard had given her life to save the universe from the reapers.
He woke up on the floor somewhere. He felt light, like he could float right to the ceiling if he wanted to. Sitting up, he gasped, finally remembering the shock of the bullets entering his body. He hadn’t worn his armour because he hadn’t thought he needed to. He had been ambushed. His talons clawed at the ghost feeling of the wounds, but when he looked down, they weren’t there. His body was as free from wounds as it was that morning.
“Garrus?” Her voice, angelic, light, free from the stress of the world, caused his head to snap up. His eyes were surely deceiving him. She was not standing in front of him. Her hair, the color of spun gold, cupped her face, which no longer bore the scars of reconstruction. Her eyes were far greener than he remembered, her gaze brimming with much more love than he thought possible.
“Shepard?” His voice carried out in a whisper, and he pushed himself to his feet, stumbling slightly as he pushed himself forward. A soft noise, somewhat strangled, escaped Shepard’s lips as he crashed into her, pulling her into his arms as he tugged her gaze up to meet his. “Don’t you ever do that to me again.” One talon grazed her face lightly, and then he pulled her lips to his mouth, kissing her as well as he could. He felt a hunger well up inside him; he never wanted to let her go again.
He finally pulled back from her face. “Garrus. You’re not supposed to be here,” she whispered, her eyes sad. “You were supposed to move on.”
Garrus allowed a soft sigh to escape his lips. “It was an accident. I was ambushed. I told you I would follow you, wherever you go. There’s no Shepard without Vakarian.” He watched a flurry of emotions pass over Shepard’s face. The final one was acceptance. They had both died, and there was nothing that was going to change that.
“Want a drink?” Shepard’s smile nearly caused Garrus to melt. He didn’t even begin to wonder where they were, or how permanent of a place it was. If he was to sit here, with Shepard, for all of eternity, drinking the day or night away, then so be it. Shepard was his heaven, and that was never going to change.
“Of course I do.”
"Turian hiccups."
Based off of these posts: x and x
Character(s): Fem!shep and Garrus Vakarian
Word count: 681
Shepard sat cross legged on her bed, vid in one hand, clipboard in the other. Her hair, shining lightly from the shower she had just gotten out of, was tucked behind her ears. Her lips moved silently as she read the report that flashed across the clipboard, and she sat both objects down, pressing her palms to her eyes as the softest of sighs escaped her lips.
“It looks like you need some alcohol and Vakarian lovin’.” His voice sounded in front of her, like harmony to her ears. Her mood shifted to a considerably better place, and she hadn’t even looked up yet. She didn’t need to. Hearing his voice was enough to soothe the demons that plagued Shepard’s mind as of late.
“Is that a pick up line I hear? Because it’s working.” Shepard’s voice was soft as her gaze finally landed on her favorite turian. His eyes locked with hers, and she noticed that two bottles of alcohol were in his grasp. Excellent, just what she needed.
“I thought it might.” He dropped the bottles at her side, picking up the vid and clipboard and setting it on the desk, out of her reach. The bed dipped slightly as he sat down on the bed, planting a kiss on the side of Shepard’s head and grabbing his bottle of alcohol simultaneously. “You stretch yourself too thin, Shepard. The fate of the universe may be on your shoulders, but it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to relax every once in a while.” The slosh of alcohol was heard as Garrus brought the bottle to his lips, taking a drink.
Shepard was silent, mirroring his actions with her own bottle. She knew Garrus was right, but she had a job to do. A job that no one else was capable of doing. The Collectors were proving to be a bigger threat than she had initially imagined, and if she didn’t do this right, not only were her own people in danger, but so many other civilizations were as well.
“Come here.” Garrus pressed his back against the wall, pulling Shepard into his arms. She went willingly. Anyone else wouldn't be allowed to touch her in such a way. She was Commander Shepard, the face of hope. But this was Garrus. He had managed to catch her heart, despite the fact she tried to hide it from the world. “I-”
Garrus’s words were cut off as his chest heaved and a soft noise escaped his lips. Shepard’s head lifted as she looked up at him, eyes widened in slight shock and humor. “Why, Mr. Vakarian? Did you just hiccup?” Garrus hiccuped again, his expression sheepish. “Can turians even hiccup?” Laughter escaped her lips. He was doing his job at distracting her well.
“Apparently so,” Garrus moved a talon lightly across Shepard’s cheek, trailing the scars that rested there. “Stop,” he paused, hiccupping several more times before he could get the rest of the sentence out, “making fun of me.” He pulled the alcohol from her grasp, ignoring her protests. He set both bottles on the bedside table. Before Shepard could question his motives, he was on top of her, talons pressing against her sides as he tickled her. Hiccups wracked him every few moments, and the sound accompanied Shepard’s laughter over the soft noise of the music that emitted from her alarm clock.
“Garrus, Garrus stop!” Shepard managed to breathe, her hand reaching up towards his neck. She knew that was a particularly sensitive spot for him when they spent nights together, but she also knew how ticklish he was there. He let up ever so slightly, and Shepard used this as an advantage point. She bucked her hips, pushing Garrus off her and rolling on top of him, her smile apparent on her lips, the stress of the world momentarily forgotten.
“I love you.” Her confession came out whispered, and she studied him in blissful silence. That silence was shattered when the smallest of hiccups escaped Garrus’s lips, and laughter once again plagued the room as Garrus gave Shepard his reply, pressing his lips to hers.
“There’s no Shepard without Vakarian.”