Jul 26, 2016
Oh, tumblr... If only you knew what was going on in my life.
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Oh, tumblr... If only you knew what was going on in my life.
I don't even know where to begin. On Tuesday I left for a cross country road trip from Nevada to Florida to help my friend move out there. The night of day 3 took s turn for the worst real quick. Long story short... Drunk friend pukes on a dog. Yes dog, that is not a typo 3 Am Drunk friend is acting ridiculous At drunk friend's former coworkers house in Norman, Oklahoma Drunk friend leaves me in Norman, Oklahoma On the rest to come later...
More than anything I miss,
our deep conversations, where we spill our souls out to each other. I have these thoughts roaming around and nobody to channel them to. You always seem to understand them even when they didn’t even make sense to me.
I hate when...
You miss a friend far more than they miss you. I always felt he meant more to me than I would ever mean to him. I mean he’s depressed and emotionless. I just wish he missed me a little more. Maybe then the hole my in soul wouldn’t hurt so bad.
I am in this weird funk lately. I am not happy, I am not sad. I am not lonely, but I am not social. I don't want to be alone, nor in a crowd. I find myself happy at work, buy as soon as I'm home it hits. It's as if work keeps me busy and I am distracted from reality. But I'm not even sure about reality. I'm not proud of myself or my work lately. I am not motivated. But I'm not sure how or what will change that. I'm not sure if a move would help, what would help, but these seasonal changes give me a case of the blues.
When you don't even hold it together long enough for everyone to get out the door.
Yup, the moment my friends were downstairs and not even out the door I was already bawling my eyes out. It was so hard to say goodbye tonight. They all knew something was wrong despite my insisting everything was okay. Their goodnight hugs were all a little longer and a little tighter tonight. It was so hard to keep it together. Needless to say I wasn't able to make any eye contact.
Today I was updated on the murder trial.
For months I have wondered. A few months back I searched the case, but in order to get trial verdicts I was told I had to contact the court to receive them. It just seemed like so much effort. I took it as a sign not to look into it. Today our mutual friend said there was another trial today. I asked her to keep me updated. Her response was, “he (the murderer) is having his lawyer claim he is psychologically unstable to buy himself more time”, she continued to stay, “ but he's not. He's not actually mental. He's going to try and plea insanity to get any easier sentence and pitty. Bastard”. At first I brushed it off. After all, I never knew Kyle well. I only met him a couple of times... but now that the reality has sunk in. I am annoyed, irritated, at a rage with myself at life. I am silently sitting here on tumblr while a few friends are over for dinner. I never do this shit. But fuck. I HATE that everyone always gets off easy in the justice system due to overpopulation, good behavior, insanity pleas, etc. It always fucking happens. every single time, including friends of mine who were on the side behind bars. This is driving me fucking nuts.
I'm not sure what I just got myself into. My brother showed up at my parent's house (where I was) saying he had 3 days off, a suitcase packed, and was unsure where to go. I said he could drive me back to Tahoe and I'll drop him off at the Reno airport after work Tuesday. He agreed, but asked when I had to be in Tahoe... My answer being 8:15 Tuesday morning. He officially has my car keys and we're off... Where to, I'm not sure... When we'll actually make it back to Tahoe, I'm not sure, what time he'll make it to San Jose Tuesday night for work, I'm not sure no flight back is booked.