#gcpd reports

[gothamcitypolice]

Is it true that if you lick a corpse, you get to keep it?

No. What the fuck— NO. Please do not lick corpses. That is unsanitary and will ruin the crime scene. You will not get to keep it.

Just— no.

- Officer Hawthorn

[gothamcitypolice]

officer collins here-

i have received a report of a underground club in crime alley. ill check it out with rex to check for any drug use and illegal substances. ready back up if anything happens to me.

Those pop up everywhere— like mold, I swear—

I’ll get some officers on standby. You two stay safe and don’t take unnecessary risks. An underground club is enough to call illegal, so if you can’t find anything surface level, back out and we will get them for what we can.

- Officer Hawthorn

[gothamcitypolice]

Can I keep the body if I make it and then kill it myself?

NO. That is murder, and— what do you mean ‘make it’? Just— you don’t get to keep bodies, okay? It’s unsanitary and, in most cases, illegal.

- Officer Hawthorn

[gothamcitypolice]

Mister Hawthorne I have a .... Business transaction for you , we shall pay for you to get a new house , as long as you give us a police radio

@iamnotredskull-blackmask

I’d rather shoot myself.

- Officer Hawthorn

[gothamcitypolice]

Why do you get to have all the corpses? It's not faiiiiir..... :((((((

We don’t ’get to have corpses’, they’re taken to be examined for cause of death and other things of the sort, then they’re given back to their families to take care of how they see fit. Do you think we are keeping them for fun??

Either way, you are a stranger, and should not be around random dead bodies.

- Officer Hawthorn

[gothamcitypolice]

Oh... your city is far too quiet... I hope you don’t mind that my babies have decided to redecorate.~

Thick as ancient trunks, crushing every entrance and exit of gotham.

The bridges, the tunnels, the port? no, darling. Nothing gets in, and nothing gets out. Nature doesn’t compromise. Enjoy your magnificent new greenhouse... It suits you so much better than that dreary cave.

With love,

–Poison Ivy. 🌿

Shit— Ivy.

Despite your own opinions, none of us particularly want to be in a cage of wood. We can talk about this, Ivy.

I understand if you are unhappy or frustrated with the environmental state of the city, but it is not yours to change like this. We can discuss changes civilly rather than doing something drastic like this.

With the ports and any other mode of transport blocked off, we aren’t receiving enough to keep the city running. Kids will starve. Shelters will shut down.

Not to mention how the government will likely try to get involved in this. They’ll treat this too much like a hostage situation.

So draw the trees back in. We can figure out proper placement of them, and fixes for the new companies pushing shit into the air.

- Officer Hawthorn

[gothamcitypolice]

I was able to find evidence of Black Mask's men being involved in placing bombs. They left behind some emails stating the plan that I was able to get access to.

-Stray (@timtamisnotokay)

Of course it was them. Fucking— nope. This is a professional account.

We’ll get some officers to stake out frequented locations, arrest some of the men, and hopefully try to find Black mask. I’ll tell the Commissioner to tell Batman about it. That would make that arrest easier.

As much as I want to arrest these men myself, I don’t think I could keep myself from punching them across the face for making me and my neighbors lose our apartments.

Thanks for the info, Stray. If you don’t mind, could you send the digital evidence to our tip email?

- Officer Hawthorn

[gothamcitypolice]

JJ blew up a building!

@mentally-ill-clown-kid

Damn it, kid—

Buddy, why would you do that? Was there anyone inside?

- Officer Hawthorn