Behind Curtains
Because reading z=209 is an angst fest - I rided it out with a few more angst. So be warned for those who haven't read the current chapter yet, this is peppered with bits of spoilers :>
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A hypothesis had been throwing itself around Gen's thoughts the moment he's heard that the only exisiting and well-functioning medusa was the sole survivor in treasure island arc. The whole team was clinched for time, it was solely logical that crafting for a return cruise had been far-fetched but it wasn't quite clear to him until Senku had announced it. A moment like this paralleled back to when Senku had them running around crafting the phones - opting to leave the detail that they'd have to make two for various reasons. Back then, it had been easier to foretell that it was omitted on purpose, but this time, the shock was blinding it almost took Gen's breath for a couple seconds. He wasn't alone though. Everyone is just as surprised as him and it was only reasonable.
Gen doesn't miss the way Senku's eyes met his for a fraction of a second, an unreadable emotion crosses that was gone just as fast Gen had seen it. Sleights of the hand were his mastered skill and thinly veiled emotions of people were his to puppet but this tugged an uncertainty in him that twisted his insides to an aching degree.
No one misses the grim tone lingering, nor the shadow creeping up under his eyes under the heavy weight of it all. All was far too much tense, but what Senku says, it goes unquestioned.
For the longest time, Gen had always thought subconsciously that there'd be place for him at the rocket ship to be sent up there. During these countless insomnia fested nights, he'd clamor for excuses because its the most unthinkable to be doing in a stone age. He was quite apprehensive with the tour towards treasure island, made no facade to hide the doubts for fears and even during the wild-goose chase with Stanley.
Somehow, now more than ever, with medusa and the rocket as a one-way ticket and Senku leaving for the moon, the crippling pain slowly administers itself into his bloodstream.
The swell starts off mellow, Gen having found himself rethinking the course of action they'd take throughout their stay in Australia. Ultimately, his thoughts circle back to the earlier discussion broken to them without prompt and his hands fists the cotton covers Yuzuriha had delivered from corn city.
Gen cannot seem to find comfort in the luxury of cotton covers. It was all he wished for, complained for weeks on end because the thin animal hides were much too brash on his sensitive skin. He wishes he'd been sitting in his bunk bed and were able to simply make a rant about wanting a lotion next - but none of them stayed in his mind as much as Senku leaving does.
So when Senku enters his room and doesn't meet his gaze - the swell has gone from mellow aches to a clenching pain.
"One-way trip, huh." It wasn't a question. Simply a statement of fact that Gen wanted to reiterate because it still seems surreal and the only thing keeping him grounded was the lingering voices of his conscience. They were quite incessant, even as Senku drags a wooden chair to in front him with their knees touching. Must have been on purpose, Gen thinks as he still fists the cloths tighter.
"It's the most efficient way, mentalist. Ryusui had caught up quick on the catch and I know you wouldn't lag behind him."
And when Senku meets his stares, Gen averts his.
"Yeah," he chuckles, bitterly and forlornly "of course, it had been my hypothesis for quite a while now. Just hadn't thought it was this... demanding."
There's a beat of silence, and Gen wishes things were more simple again. Although nothing ever really was when it comes to saving seven billion people.
Gen just wants to be back at the observatory.
Wants to be back at the laboratory in the village and tinkering around for glass parts and tungsten toothpaste.
Gen just... doesn't want Senku to leave him - here, in earth, surrounded by people but feeling so solmenly, irreverently, and miserably alone.
But he knows, and cannot wish for Senku to stay.
The cotton fisted on his hands were now crumpled, luxury be damned and keeping composures be fucked.
Gen wishes he'd come up with clever excuses to come with Senku instead.
He was too lost on his thoughts, the silence of the room unstretched and stopped just a line's hair within his noisy mind that made all these angry static noises. The waves crashsd against the anchored Perseus and it rocks lightly, and Senku's palms were warm on Gen's cheeks. The rough pads of his thumb swipes the tears away, futile as they kept flowing down silently Gen's face and really, there's nothing they could do about it.
"You're leaving." Gen says, again, a statement.
"Yeah."
"I see."
Gen leaves a lot of things unsaid, because just as Senku brushing his tears away was futile, so would be Gen's attempt to persuading him to stay.
So he leans his head on Senku's shoulders, hides his tear-stricken face on the neck of the scientist as he witheld sobs from escaping his thin lips.
"I can't tell you now, can I?" Gen laughs wetly, words thick and his heart constricting painfully as Senku wraps his arms on Gen's shoulders. He doesn't even try to hide the tremors now.
"Yeah."
So Gen doesn't tell Senku anything.
Doesn't tell him not to leave.
Doesn't tell him he doesn't want to be left alone.
Doesn't tell him he's going to miss him.
Doesn't tell him how much his bones have ached to tell him that he loves him.
There's so much more that Gen doesn't tell that his frustrated tears could only let out, so with clenched teeth and his hands now fisting Senku's cape instead, Gen sobs wrecklessly into the neck of the person that could have been his everything.
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So yeah, here's an angst I guess 😂😭
This was written in a haste and like in the adrenaline of too much sadness chapter 209 holds so this is kind of all over the place. I even wrecked my sleep just for this and I have classes 🥲🥲🥲