#narrative heavy

[genseng-powder]

It's been a month-long of inactivity, but here's a little fluff to make up for it 😌

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If Senku has to find a better word that describes him around people, it definitely wasn't something that could propel them closer to him - unlike Taiju that draws in humongous positivity with big smiles with his big heart and big hugs (and being on the receiving end of it for at least three-fourths of the time they spend together, it did kind of work. They're already lifetime buddies at this point but he won't say that out loud). Yuzuriha draws in people with her tender and genuine care for people, her dainty and swift hands for craftsman almost comparable to how she handles her interpersonal relationships - careful, discreet and awfully tender. If it hadn't been for their perseverance as a shared attribute between them three, Senku still struggles to see what about him specifically that makes Gen feel safe enough to doze off around him.

If Senku has to find a word to describe himself, it wasn't of big hugs and tender hands - needless to say, he was aversive of affection, and his fingers were roughed up and all calloused from days and nights of steadfast project to rebuild Ishigami village.

There's this tender rise and fall of Gen's chest that makes Senku's hand itch to do something, his soft breathing against the quiet, winter night up in the observatory rouses Senku's concetration away from the papers at hand and to focus instead on Gen's serene sleeping face. As if it never bore any deceit under his sleeves, as if his scar never meant to be a menace, and as if Gen himself wasn't capable of fooling people. Before Senku could think better about it, his hand was already moving on it's own and tucking in the strays of Gen's white locks, and he doesn't know if he did it gently, doesn't know if his hand pressure was soft enough from all the rough woodworks and countless craftings that made his threshold for pressure a little off the scale.

Because Gen stirs, not fully conscious, but now Senku feels guilty of waking him up - all from being unable to hold back his bloody hands from moving and doing it's own thing. As if it had a life of it's own, his body follows involuntarily when Gen offers up a small smile and Senku shifts closer, abandons all hopes in finishing up the blueprint as he unfolds his legs to lift up Gen's head and places it comfortably against his lap. Maybe that will help him fall asleep again for the second time.

Senku doesn't know what he is doing, but he remembers Taiju's big hugs and Yuzuriha's soft pats on his shoulder.

Ah, maybe this is what they feel around each other.

Inevitably warm.

Gen burries himself closer to Senku, unsubtle with the way he noses Senku's clothed abdomen and an arm coming up to wrap on Senku's waist. And he settles comfortably, as if he belonged there for a huge portion of his life because to Senku, it felt nothing but right.

Senku's breath hitched with pleasant surprise, with how affectionate Gen suddenly seems to be acting and he attributes it to the fastly slipping consciousness, but a part of him reasons that maybe it's because it's him - it's because he was Senku and it's why Gen falls into this easy, and soft pliant version of him. He doesn't indulge the thought any further but it was nice to think of it anyway, his calloused hands now threading itself against Gen's hair to a soothing motion, and he doesn't see what he stands to benefit from all of this.

He still doesn't know what makes Gen act like this around him, still doesn't know how he'd describe himself that draws the mentalist in - but Senku figures he doesn't have to have an answer to that right now as he plants a lingering, soft-pressed kiss on Gen's exposed forehead.

Gen slightly hums, pleased, and the smile on his lips slowly fade to a slack as Senku observes him slipping back into a peaceful slumber under him, under his arms and there, inevitably cozied up on his waist. Senku doesn't stop combing his fingers through Gen's locks, doesn't pull his free arm away that's encased on Gen's shoulder, and his eyes definitely doesn't stray away from Gen's sleeping figure - his soft face, his moist lips and slightly reddened cheeks from the cold.

Senku still doesn't know how he'd describe himself, of what propels Gen towards him like this, but if what he was or what he was made up of makes Gen feel comfortable enough around him - would it be arrogant of him, presumptious of him to describe himself as home for Gen?

Maybe it wasn't so bad at all.

///

If it wasn't obvious, I am a sucker for sengen finding home in each other's arms 😭

For the month long inactivity, I'd like to apologize for that since most of the time, I am consumed by academic papers and hell that is thesis 😩 being a student isn't really easy and it saps my energy to write most of the time wjdkwsjskw

So to make up for it, here's a fluff of SenGen that I hope y'all would really enjoy 🥺

[genseng-powder]

I've been meaning to write this one for a while~ Can't seem to remember where the inspiration came from but it struck me like lightning because although it was obvious, it's easy to forget that-

///

-He was Only 18

Sometimes, the world forgets that it's last bastion of hope is a teenager.

Gen doesn't.

Or at least, at times he doesn't.

His age is easily overshadowed by the immense knowledge his mind holds - millenias worth of contraptions, arithmetics and it's roundabout workings is something Senku had mastered.

And although a genius in his own right - the shortcomings crashed in the form of something modern times couldn't have brought to life the same way the second Advent of Stone era did.

Killing someone who killed you should have been cathartic at best, but Senku finds himself at a loss when he feels the exact opposite of catharsis to have settled an equal score with Tsukasa.

At least they won't be jailed for this in the meantime - his mind helpessly compensates but his laughter came so hoarsely, wet and barely above a whisper.

Gen remembers that Senku was only 18 when he kills Tsukasa.

The mentalist was the first to return with lithe steps towards Tsukasa's resting ground, finding the young scientist leaning heavily by the cave's cobblestone archway. A dimly lit lightbulb hangs itself somewhere above and it casts this somber shadow on Senku's tired eyes that is slightly red at the edges.

The waterfall was deafeningly loud - and so is the freezer's engine.

Gen finds nobody by the makeshift straw bedroll and he realizes that oh, so he has slept now.

It was when Senku took notice of Gen, and the latter sparing him a glance that he remembers.

Senku was only 18 when he took a friend's life.

Gen doesn't entirely understand how it worked this way, their friendship. It is as bizarre as it can get but he's not one to talk with all the superficial connections back in modern era.

So when Gen sees that Senku's tears hadn't been fully emptied, he approaches him. Slowly, surely, and gently. When he is but inches away, Gen let's Senku reel in the warmth of a real, living person.

All Gen could offer was a shoulder to cry on - because he doesn't understand. The grief, the pain, the heaviness and loss. Despite being a master of psyche, there's still a limit to what his wits can grasp. Now is not one of the moments to let his shallowness resurface and he let's Senku's forehead lean on his shoulder.

Senku was only 18 and he is already carrying a lot on his shoulders.

The force hits hardest when Senku's hands grasp the sleeves of Gen's puprple haori, his shoulder quaking upon withheld frustrated sobs with clenched teeth and pale knuckles.

They already know that Tsukasa can be revived upon searching for the source of petrification, but this doesn't make it any less painful.

Gen had no one to lose back then, but he feels this tiny speck of grief at this point in time. There is so much to lose now. Too many people he cares for.

Ah, maybe I slightly understand now.

Two, careful arms threaded itself on a clothed waist, and Gen feels another sturdy chest against his, and he hopes this grounds Senku despite never being in favor for touches. It took quite a while for everything to calm down - the rumbling waterfalls and the engine now sounding softer, fading into a white noise as Gen strains to hear hitched breaths.

There was none, but no one pulled away.

Gen was aware and so is Senku himself - but they guess they're both still a little out of it.

"Gen,"

"Hmm?"

Gen feels the grip on his haori grew tight.

"It's nothing." But Senku never moved, and quite the opposite - he pushes himself further in the embrace, wanting to be enveloped further in this comforting space that Gen seems to readily give.

Senku doesn't understand because he also wants to run away at the same time. From the moment Gen stepped into the cave, there was this hidden perforated line that he consciously crossed and Senku has never wanted to run so bad in his entire life.

His eyes were red, and Tsukasa just died and he can't let anyone see him like this.

Yet, when Gen took such light, steady steps - his feet were nothing but aching and planted to ground. When Gen was within his permieters, he wanted to get away but instead, when he saw those soft ashen blue eyes - he crumbled.

The fight in him drains and he melts into the arms of unfamiliar touch. Unfamiliar, but not unwanted. Awkward, but he revels in it - because it's probably only awkward for him.

And it was when he is stripped naked of walls - tears dried and grief still intact, he holds Gen tighter and buries his face into the juncture of Gen's neck.

"Gen," he tries again.

"Yes, dear Senku?"

"Don't," he stops, wavering with a bated breath. Then he sighs. "-don't leave."

Gen was confused for a short while until it hit him.

"I won't." Words so soft, gentle and barely above a whisper but it carries so much weight that it lifted the burden off of Senku's stiff shoulders.

After all, Senku was still only 18 when he tries to save the world - and fears of losing the most important person in his life.

///

I can only hope to heavens that I tied this up neatly 😅😂

[genseng-powder]

Behind Curtains

Because reading z=209 is an angst fest - I rided it out with a few more angst. So be warned for those who haven't read the current chapter yet, this is peppered with bits of spoilers :>

///

A hypothesis had been throwing itself around Gen's thoughts the moment he's heard that the only exisiting and well-functioning medusa was the sole survivor in treasure island arc. The whole team was clinched for time, it was solely logical that crafting for a return cruise had been far-fetched but it wasn't quite clear to him until Senku had announced it. A moment like this paralleled back to when Senku had them running around crafting the phones - opting to leave the detail that they'd have to make two for various reasons. Back then, it had been easier to foretell that it was omitted on purpose, but this time, the shock was blinding it almost took Gen's breath for a couple seconds. He wasn't alone though. Everyone is just as surprised as him and it was only reasonable.

Gen doesn't miss the way Senku's eyes met his for a fraction of a second, an unreadable emotion crosses that was gone just as fast Gen had seen it. Sleights of the hand were his mastered skill and thinly veiled emotions of people were his to puppet but this tugged an uncertainty in him that twisted his insides to an aching degree.

No one misses the grim tone lingering, nor the shadow creeping up under his eyes under the heavy weight of it all. All was far too much tense, but what Senku says, it goes unquestioned.

For the longest time, Gen had always thought subconsciously that there'd be place for him at the rocket ship to be sent up there. During these countless insomnia fested nights, he'd clamor for excuses because its the most unthinkable to be doing in a stone age. He was quite apprehensive with the tour towards treasure island, made no facade to hide the doubts for fears and even during the wild-goose chase with Stanley.

Somehow, now more than ever, with medusa and the rocket as a one-way ticket and Senku leaving for the moon, the crippling pain slowly administers itself into his bloodstream.

The swell starts off mellow, Gen having found himself rethinking the course of action they'd take throughout their stay in Australia. Ultimately, his thoughts circle back to the earlier discussion broken to them without prompt and his hands fists the cotton covers Yuzuriha had delivered from corn city.

Gen cannot seem to find comfort in the luxury of cotton covers. It was all he wished for, complained for weeks on end because the thin animal hides were much too brash on his sensitive skin. He wishes he'd been sitting in his bunk bed and were able to simply make a rant about wanting a lotion next - but none of them stayed in his mind as much as Senku leaving does.

So when Senku enters his room and doesn't meet his gaze - the swell has gone from mellow aches to a clenching pain.

"One-way trip, huh." It wasn't a question. Simply a statement of fact that Gen wanted to reiterate because it still seems surreal and the only thing keeping him grounded was the lingering voices of his conscience. They were quite incessant, even as Senku drags a wooden chair to in front him with their knees touching. Must have been on purpose, Gen thinks as he still fists the cloths tighter.

"It's the most efficient way, mentalist. Ryusui had caught up quick on the catch and I know you wouldn't lag behind him."

And when Senku meets his stares, Gen averts his.

"Yeah," he chuckles, bitterly and forlornly "of course, it had been my hypothesis for quite a while now. Just hadn't thought it was this... demanding."

There's a beat of silence, and Gen wishes things were more simple again. Although nothing ever really was when it comes to saving seven billion people.

Gen just wants to be back at the observatory.

Wants to be back at the laboratory in the village and tinkering around for glass parts and tungsten toothpaste.

Gen just... doesn't want Senku to leave him - here, in earth, surrounded by people but feeling so solmenly, irreverently, and miserably alone.

But he knows, and cannot wish for Senku to stay.

The cotton fisted on his hands were now crumpled, luxury be damned and keeping composures be fucked.

Gen wishes he'd come up with clever excuses to come with Senku instead.

He was too lost on his thoughts, the silence of the room unstretched and stopped just a line's hair within his noisy mind that made all these angry static noises. The waves crashsd against the anchored Perseus and it rocks lightly, and Senku's palms were warm on Gen's cheeks. The rough pads of his thumb swipes the tears away, futile as they kept flowing down silently Gen's face and really, there's nothing they could do about it.

"You're leaving." Gen says, again, a statement.

"Yeah."

"I see."

Gen leaves a lot of things unsaid, because just as Senku brushing his tears away was futile, so would be Gen's attempt to persuading him to stay.

So he leans his head on Senku's shoulders, hides his tear-stricken face on the neck of the scientist as he witheld sobs from escaping his thin lips.

"I can't tell you now, can I?" Gen laughs wetly, words thick and his heart constricting painfully as Senku wraps his arms on Gen's shoulders. He doesn't even try to hide the tremors now.

"Yeah."

So Gen doesn't tell Senku anything.

Doesn't tell him not to leave.

Doesn't tell him he doesn't want to be left alone.

Doesn't tell him he's going to miss him.

Doesn't tell him how much his bones have ached to tell him that he loves him.

There's so much more that Gen doesn't tell that his frustrated tears could only let out, so with clenched teeth and his hands now fisting Senku's cape instead, Gen sobs wrecklessly into the neck of the person that could have been his everything.

///

So yeah, here's an angst I guess 😂😭

This was written in a haste and like in the adrenaline of too much sadness chapter 209 holds so this is kind of all over the place. I even wrecked my sleep just for this and I have classes 🥲🥲🥲

[jasonnally]

DISPATCH, PS5 Pro Full Episode 1. Gameplay + Impressions