seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Guatemala
seen from Latvia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Türkiye
seen from China
seen from Brunei
seen from Bolivia
seen from United States
seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from United States
seen from Saudi Arabia
seen from Venezuela
seen from Brazil
seen from United States
seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States
Here are some doodles to celebrate the fact that Shane and I have completed our marathon run of RE1, REmake, Code Veronica, and RE5. 👏 The older low-poly games have our favored gothic atmosphere, but RE5 is still a really fun big brother co-op game. Especially cuz you get to tease Wesker and ragebait him in circles with A FRIEND!
Yes do I have so many constant thoughts about the genderbent Outsiders but more in particular do I have thoughts about genderbent Steve and Soda because they have something that the original Steve and Soda don't. The ability to be close without it being strange. And I'm not talking about close as in knowing everything about the other, ever version of Steve and Soda is close like that. I'm talking about physically close. Those girls will hug and cuddle and sit on each others laps and brush eyelashes off of the others cheek and run their fingers through each others hair and sleep together and IT'S NOT WEIRD because it's just what girls do. Now don't get me wrong, I think Steve and Soda are in love in every universe on some level but lesbian Steve and Soda just make so much sense to me. It's something about Soda feeling so objectified by all the boys she goes out with and Steve feeling so unlovable because no boy will put up with her bad mouth and sharp tongue but Soda will. Soda always will. And those two will have sleepovers where they paint each others nails and tell the deepest darkest secrets they possess and maybe practice kissing. Then Steve will watch Soda tuck a lock of blonde hair behind her ear and think that maybe... just maybe if society would let her, this is all she would want to see until she dies. That nobody will ever love and understand her like Soda does. Steve, the girl that is virtually unlovable to her mother who left her and her father who hurts her and all the boys who hurt her with their cruel remarks and conniving smiles.
Doesn't Soda feel the same though? Like Steve is the only one who sees past her outward features. Like Steve sees her as more than just a pretty face. Steve sees her beating heart and her desires and wants her. And maybe Soda thinks that she could spent eternity next to Steve Randle.
I am obviously becoming increasingly obsessed with genderbent outsiders characters so bear with me.
No Boys Ever, Just Us
This is another Outsiders genderbent fic. For more context, it is based slightly on the Outsiders Miscast, so if you'd like to imagine Hailey Hyde as Soda that's what I did.
Soda Curtis had always been a light sleeper. Something about sleeping in a house with people who all might need her usually did the trick. Her little sister Pony, had trouble sleeping since their parents' death last summer and so Soda moved into her room. Watching and making sure that her baby sister would always sleep well.
Same thing with her older sister Darlene. Now Dar would never admit it, but she had trouble sleeping ever since their parents died too. She never said a word about it to Soda, but she just knew. Instead, Soda would listen for the slightest sound through the walls. Something to tell her to get up and go to her oldest sister.
But it wasn’t either of her sisters that needed her help that night. Pony had fallen asleep with Jeanie in the living room. They did that sometimes. Laid on the couch and watched the television set together. Neither would say a word but they spoke on every other level as their limbs tangled together and their souls intertwined. Soda admired it. The way those two wouldn’t even have to say a word to one another to communicate. Not like her. Soda’s loud mouth had gotten her into trouble more than once. Especially at school or in any social situations, she never could stop talking, not to save her life or anything. Her best friend Stevie knew that better than anyone. After all, she’d been the one in the classes with her.
Soda was lying on her back, trying to go to sleep. She had an early shift at the grocery store tomorrow and desperately wanted some rest but her mind kept waiting. Listening through the quiet for the telltale signs that someone in her home was in distress.
The latch on the window started smarting and Soda nearly jumped out of her bed. Something was wrong! She knew it. Sometimes she felt like she had a sixth sense for these things and she was right.
In just her nightclothes, she looks to see Stevie crawling in through the window. It was vision that almost knocked her into another lifetime. Back when they were ten years old and Soda was too naive to know why Stevie would sneak into her house at night all the time. Soda knows now, the kinds of things that Stevie has to go through simply because she’s a girl with a shitty father who wanted a son and got a daughter.
“Stevie…” She trails off and Stevie’s head snaps over to where Soda is standing next to the bed. Her dress is ripped and her shirt is all twisted around her. But worst of all, there are mascara tracks running down her cheeks, like she’d been crying.
Unlike most girls in their neighborhood, Stevie never cried. It was something that Soda wished she could emulate. Soda cried all the time, nearly cried herself sick after their parents went and sometimes she still couldn’t stop herself when the house got quiet and everyone went to sleep. But Stevie never cried. Not when her Daddy hit her or she went without food because she didn’t have lunch money or when they went on double dates together and the boy made her feel stupid. She just didn’t cry. Not ever.
Which made Soda all the more scared. What was so bad that it had Stevie crying? Apparently she’d been at it for a while with the way day old mascara ran down her cheeks like mud filled trenches. Her eyes looked startled, like a deer in headlights. Before Stevie can even do anything, Soda is barreling over and throwing her arms around the girl.
“Soda…” Stevie choked as another sob rolled through her throat.
“Hey now, come on Stevie.” Soda led Stevie to the bed, having her take a seat on the edge. “What happened? Are you okay?” She checked her friend over, making sure that there was no immediate injuries to tend to. Her Daddy hit her a lot but besides a light bruise on her cheek she looked unharmed. Despite the fact that she looked awfully spooked and roughed up. “Stevie, I’m scared. Are ya hurt?” Stevie didn’t answer, just turning her eyes to the floor as more tears slipped down her cheeks. “Stevie?” She asks again, fear pooling in her stomach. Stevie just stared at the floor, her fearful eyes not even glancing at Soda who had an arm wrapped around her waist. “Stephanie!” Soda tries then.
Her head snaps up at the use of her full name, the fear on her face making Soda want to throw up. “Fuck off Soda!” Stevie shouts then, standing up and out of Soda’s arms. Soda would be stunned at the sudden turn of language but she knew it was just Stevie trying to find her way back. “Sorry, I just…”
“S’okay. Take your time honey. You wanna get outta those clothes? They look ruined.” There was a spot of blood at her twisted collar and the jean skirt was ripped in a way that made Soda want to throw up. Stevie nods, wiping at her cheeks and trying to erase all evidence of her crying. Soda grabs her hand and sits her back down on the bed. She reaches into her drawer for another night dress for Stevie. It was far from the first time that they’d shared clothes. Stevie would come over at night in wrangler jeans, a shirt stinking of grease, and a full face of makeup expecting to fall asleep like that. She would have but Soda couldn’t let her sleep like that. Soda would clean her up and let her lie down next to her.
She would never admit it but the way that Stevie’s hair smelled was a comfort to her. Cigarettes, car grease, and olive oil to keep it soft. It was a distinct smell, like nobody that she knew. It calmed Soda to fall asleep with her arms around Stevie, nose mused in her hair. Made her feel safe beyond belief.
Soda sets the nightdress next to her on the bed. Asking with her eyes as she helps work that shirt over her head. Stevie’s eyes are on the floor, her obvious anger masking something else entirely. She flinches a little when she brings up her arm. “He roughed me up real bad. My shoulder…” Soda nods, sensing it best not to say anything when Stevie was so on edge like this. Sometimes she reminded Soda of an alley cat. All claws and puffed out chest but fighting back with all she had if you approached. You couldn’t go after her, you had to let Stevie come to you. “He got me in the face too.” Soda didn’t even have to ask to know who she was talking about.
Soda brushes a brown curl behind her ear, getting a better look at the bruise. “You need somethin’ for it? Aspirin? Muscle relaxer?”
Stevie snorts at that. “You got muscle relaxers?”
Soda smiles. “Darlene strained her back at the warehouse the other night and she got some under the table from Dallas.”
“And you’d give ‘em to me?” Stevie asks.
“Sure, if ya needed ‘em.” Stevie looks surprised and it hurts Soda’s heart. She had so many unanswered questions for her friend but first thing was first. Make her comfortable. Make her okay.
Now that the shirt is off, Stevie’s just sitting there in her black lacey bra. She lets Soda take off her skirt too. “You want this?” Soda asks, eyeing the rip through it. “I can probably mend it or somethin’, just gotta grab my Mommas old-”
“No.” Stevie says shortly. “I don’t ever wanna see that skirt again.” Soda blinks, a little surprised. It wasn’t like it was Stevie’s favorite skirt or anything but she wore it a lot. She’d spent a good amount of time in that skirt. Soda didn’t see any sense in throwing it away.
“You sure? I mean it wouldn’t be all that hard to fix. I could just-”
“Leave it Soda. I ain’t wearin’ it ever again.”
“Okay, okay.” Soda says, mostly to placate her but she can still see that Stevie is distressed. She helps her with the nightdress, managing to get it over her arms even with that bum shoulder. “You okay?” She asks after. Stevie rolls her eyes, laying back down on the bed instead of answering. Soda shuts the window, crawling back into the bed next to Stevie. She pulls a blanket over them and wraps a leg around her friend, taking a moment to breathe in the smell over her hair.
“Soda?”
“Yeah?” Soda perks up at that, wondering if her friend is actually going to tell her what happened.
“Thanks.” She says it quietly, pushing Soda’s leg off of her and rolling away, her back facing Soda. Soda deflates, she wanted to know what was going on with her best friend but she knew if she pushed she’d get a face full of claws. Soda knew something was really wrong though. She’d always known, when they were little kids too, she could always tell when Stevie was having a problem.
“Course honey.” She murmurs, wrapping an arm around her friend, careful of her shoulder. “You sure you’re okay Stevie?” She asks quietly, like she’s afraid of the answer. Before Stevie can snap at her, she continues. “It’s just… you crawled through the window cryin’. I ain’t seen ya cry since we were little little.” She hears Stevie sniff but she can’t see her face to tell if she’s crying again. She pulls her friend a little tighter, giving her a squeeze. “Ya know you can tell me anything. I ain’t ever gonna judge ya or say mean things. I won’t tell anyone, not even the gang, not if you don’t want me to. I just want you to be okay. I need to know that you’re okay.” The last part comes out choked and Soda wouldn’t be surprised if she started crying too. Stevie was quiet for a long time, so long that Soda almost thought she’d fallen asleep.
“My Daddy…” She trails off, sounding choked and Soda pulls her in tighter. Stevie had always had a hard time putting into words what happened at home. She usually tried to hide it with a joke or some cocksure remark but it seemed like all her walls were crumbling tonight. “It was supposed to be fine Soda.” She says then and Soda crinkles her brow, not really knowing what she means. “Everything was supposed to be okay tonight. Sure he knew where I was and he would have slapped me around a little bit but I could have taken that. I was ready for that.”
“Stephanie…” Soda says, trailing off after the use of her full name. It hurt her inside to hear how used to the abuse her best friend was. That not only was she used to it, she expected it, planned around it. It scared Soda for what was next.
“Soda stop. I don’t say it all now, I don’t think I ever will.” Soda went quiet then, pulling her friend closer. “I was ready. He feels bad after he does it anyway, usually gives me some money. I was ready for it, lord knows I could use the extra cash.” Soda nodded into her shoulder. “He came home drunk with some friends…” She gulped scared for the direction she was pretty sure this was going in. “Long story short, I guess they all wanted a fuckin’ turn.” Stevie chokes, throwing off Soda’s arms from around her and burrowing into herself.
The ripped dress, her matted hair, the messed up shoulder, the bruising on her face… it all made sense now. Tears fill Soda’s eyes against her will as she thinks of her best friend in that situation. “I’m so sorry Stevie.”
“Oh god Soda…” She moaned. “Don’t cry over this.”
Soda wipes her eyes. “I can’t help it Stevie, that’s so horrible.”
“I fought as hard as I could… obviously it wasn’t enough.” Fat hot tears are running down Soda’s face because of course Stevie would have fought. It’s the same thing her own mother used to tell her.
“Stevie’s got that fightin’ blood inside her. Must be Irish or something but it means she’ll always put up a fight when she thinks something is wrong.”
“I know you fought Stevie.” Soda says, thinking of her mother.
“It wasn’t enough.” Stevie snapped, eyes going hard.
“You’re alive, ain’t ya? And ya managed to get here, right?” Stevie nodded, sitting up suddenly and facing Soda.
“I think there’s something wrong with me Soda.”
“Well what happened? Your hurt somewhere else you ain’t shown me yet?”
“No, not that.” Stevie said and the look on her face was enough to scare the wits out of Soda. She’d seen that girl in every shade, every season, every feeling. Embarrassment was not a feeling often shown outwardly on Stephanie Randle’s face. She’d rather die than let anyone know she was embarrassed over something. “Somethin’ on the inside.”
“On the inside?” Soda says, growing confused. “Are you hurt?”
“No… well yeah but on the inside too. It ain’t something’ they did, it’s somethin’ that’s been inside of me for a long time.”
“Whatchu mean Stevie?” They were facing each other on the bed now, hands intertwined and voices lowered like Stevie was about to admit something terrible. Soda waited in anticipation for her to say it.
“Somethin’ wrong with the way I feel. I don’t think… Soda, I don’t think I could ever do that with a boy again. Even if I wanted to. Even if it was my choice.” Soda gathered up the girl in her arms at that.
“That don’t mean there's anything wrong with ya honey. Just means you ain’t ready.” Soda says, quick to reassure, but Stevie shakes her head into Soda’s shoulder, more tears soaking her night gown.
“I know it’s stupid, but I don’t want it to ever happen. I don’t ever want to do that again.”
“Well it ain’t gonna be like that when it’s someone you really love.”
“Shut up Soda!” She snaps. “You don’t know anything.” Soda doesn’t say anything else, too afraid of setting her off. She just holds her and rubs those circles on her back. “Nobody gets it. They really don’t Soda. I don’t wanna do any of that stuff, the kissing or the holding hands or seducing. I just want to live on my own forever. No boys ever.”
“Can I still see ya?” Soda asks hesitantly, scared that she’s run off her only real friend by being insensitive.
“Are you a boy?” Stevie asks, that playful edge back in her voice.
“No.”
“Then yeah, I guess you can come.”
“I can be in your forever?”
“Yeah. I couldn’t do this without ya Soda.”
“Me neither Stevie.”
READ HERE ON A03
